[arich62]

I had it quite fortunate. I was able to take advantage of being alone and even march in two Pride festivals to assist me in getting out of the closet. I am married and go back to that tomorrow night.....but I have had a great time and I learned a lot, made new friends, worked on my anxiety, made sure I showered every day, became more comfortable and confident around neighbors, less comfortable and more paranoid around a couple conservative religious friends, more self conscious, more relaxed, found "safe" places I could go (library lawn, the park, a local trans resource center) and other places to avoid. I went out during daytime, not at night.
It was exciting adopting this new lifestyle but I also learned to just keep being myself as a decent, respecting human being. I learned I was human, that I was the same dufus, air headed klutz as a female as I am male. I learned not to overdress around the cisgender as I did not want to offend or defeminize anyone. I learned to just talk and sound like myself, just make my voice sound like it should without making my voice sound ridiculous ( it was better to sound like a man than a mouse - I found my voice wavering in and out so just let it be. I learned to take a lot of showers as the anxiety and summer time make me sweat a lot. I learned to not let my bra show (in the cleavage area, under my arms, or my shoulders).
I learned that I was not going to like being this way every single day, not when I lived as a man 53 years but I would fight it, remind myself of the closet, that I will just go back to wanna-be mode and spend my time in bed, aroused and acting out. So I reminded myself, "chin up," to keep my femme clothes on at all times (with baggy male clothes nearby in case of emergency) because I will get a lot more accomplished during my day, instead of self loathing. Now tomorrow night I turn back into that pumpkin so next goal will be to how to get back to this more permanently.

[arich62]

Also to add, I had two different names while out and it felt weird being called both, Cela and Alexis. Both spinoffs of my real name.

[Skeezyks]

Hello arich62: The Skeezyks offers his best wishes. I'm 68... & I've been in the closet for pretty-much all of it. I stumbled out briefly a few years ago. But no one wanted anything to do with it. So I crept quietly back in & closed the door. I'm glad you had the opportunity to get out & have some good experiences.

[arich62]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello arich62: The Skeezyks offers his best wishes. I'm 68... & I've been in the closet for pretty-much all of it. I stumbled out briefly a few years ago. But no one wanted anything to do with it. So I crept quietly back in & closed the door. I'm glad you had the opportunity to get out & have some good experiences.

Hi Skeezkys! From St Paul, right?! I remember talking to you a couple years ago in the wake of the Robin Williams tragedy. Thanks for the post, I understand where you are coming from,as tomorrow might not be such an easy day.