[arich62]

I read through the posts here and always like this website better than most (especially Facebook) because people can feel free to be brutally honest here, whether outright disturbed or cheerful. As I write, bouncing in the clouds on a flight to Portland, Oregon I am attempting to calm myself from a tumultuous, sometimes tormenting three weeks of fluctuation between my two selves. I get to thinking that this trans stuff for me can also relate to some dissassociative disorder, multiple or borderline personality disorder with other stuff mixed in. (Probably a good thing I am not on any medication right now). But as I was alone to pursue my dressing like a woman in public desires for 3 weeks I also go through a crazy thinking pattern of oh, I'm this way, no that way because, but the Bible says, but no- it's just a sex addiction and can't help but act out.
In other words during my time alone my thoughts constantly fluctuated as to the why's I dress up and how do I stop, or at least try to calm my feelings dressed up before becoming a raging sexaholic. Sundays and Wednesdays I am the good natured, calm and quiet. church going male, other times the Mrs. Hyde comes out- and I know I will have two choices, to act out or be dressed up and find some place to go. So I did, there wasn't a whole lot to fight. I was in a very liberal, southwe stern college neighborhood and usually can dress around most of my neighbors, even go in a few businesses. In my area of town people run into lgbt every day and that creates an advantage. In Albuquerque this type of lifestyle is expected. Still I can deal with Murphy's Law - think to myself, "Now that I have given up hope I feel so much better." In other words, heading back to my wife in Oregon tonight, I realize it is past by midnight and my glass slipper is off and now have to adjust to the other side of life -the other me. We create our own insanity and certainly created mine. But when you are codependent, sexaholic, out of the closet crossdresser, schizophrenic, husband, part time fundamental Christian, drifter,.....you have to find a way to make things meet to adjust to your own world.