Bad gender dysphoria

I know I could put this in the trans* area, but i am unsure, as it’s currently seen as a mental illness (gender dysphoria, not that I totally agree on this, but that’s a different topic), but is about transgender people, so I don’t know. You can move this if it’s better suited there.

Anyways, the past few days, I have had really bad gender dysphoria, specifically, body dysphoria. For me, my body dysphoria is mainly regarded around my chest and not wanting breasts. I hate them so much. I look in the mirror and just want to cry because I have them and they don’t belong there. I just want to be flat there. And the process is long to get surgery. Like, if you want it free I believe. You have to do HRT for at least a year, and I haven’t started that due to being unsure if I would like this now, or if I would like to wait due to medical conditions I have. Maybe I can get it without this, I don’t know. And then you have to wait for a surgeon and schedule an appointment and waiting for that appointment can take months, hopefully not years, but I don’t know. And there’s this whole criteria you have to fulfill in order to qualify and I feel like I only am at half, maybe a bit more, but I feel like it’s a lot of waiting and talking to people.

I don’t know what I can do while waiting. Even a chest binder isn’t enough at times because it doesn’t make my chest flat enough. I am in a lot of emotional pain over this.

I have ASD so please be kind if I say something socially unacceptable. Thank you.

I can relate to you not wanting large breasts. I wear 3XXX, i wish i didn't have any and think women who want them large don't know what we have to go through. They are uncomfortable, and even hard to find bras for. I hear you!!!

Hi Avlady you made a good point in your response. I can somewhat relate to what you have said. long story short after a few years of constantly thinking about it I looked into and found a surgeon that would preform Male Breast Augmentation on me. I had it done a little over a year ago while initially happy with the results I have found symptoms of anxiety and even panic attacks in certain situations which I have found myself now questioning my actions. with summer and warmer weather they will tend to be more noticeable with lighter clothing which adds to my anxiety.

Regarding going larger: When I was considering sizes my PS suggested that I go a bet larger to be more proportional to my overall frame, he did have to convince me too much about going larger. I was wearing B size breast forms and felt very comfortable with time . I ended up being a full C small D which first I thought was fine but as I have found out can be a difficult at time especially exercising/ biking / running and other activities. Hmm

Hi Nike007,

I am very sorry you are suffering.
Gender Dysphoria can be hell to endure.

Do you see a therapist trained/experienced in gender dysphoria?
Some areas/regions have clinics available for gender-related issues.

As you have found out, binders are often not enough to hide breasts. Please be careful with binding/binders as using them for prolonged periods, without a break, can run the risk of doing some serious damage.

Gender Dysphoria needs to be taken seriously. Please seek some professional help with this struggle.

Stay safe,

WC

I talk to my psychologist about it. He’s not too experienced with the issue, and apparently their clinic is going through a gender training course at the moment to learn how to help transgender people.

I’m in a very LGBTQ+ area, and so there is a lot of things to do in that regard.

I asked my pdoc about looking into top surgery things for me, and she said she would, and I meet her on Monday so here’s hoping.

For my binders, I am unsure if I ordered a size too big or not, as it doesn’t make it uncomfortable for me to wear, so I do tend to wear it for like 12 hours or so.

Thank you for your response.

I have ASD so please be kind if I say something socially unacceptable. Thank you.

Sounds like you have some great connections/support!
Top surgery is becoming more common, which makes surgeons more proficient and makes it all safer.

Will you start testosterone soon?
That can be a bit tricky.

I am relieved you have a good support team!


WC

I am unsure about taking T. I am just worried about the effects of it and all. I think I mistyped what I meant in my original message. I’m unsure about fertility and stuff for the future, so I am going to see if my medical condition will make this impossible, and if it does, then to start ASAP, or else wait to have a kid and then start. It really depends.

Thank you for your response.

I have ASD so please be kind if I say something socially unacceptable. Thank you.

Best wishes with whatever you decide.
I hope this all works out for you.


WC

I really hate it. It’s getting worse each day I feel like. I just imagine myself with a flat chest and I’m so happy. And now I have like C-D...

I have ASD so please be kind if I say something socially unacceptable. Thank you.

Do you feel hopeless about this?


WC

Not really. I just picture myself in a different body in my own and feel awful being in this body of the female sex.

I have being watching a lot of transgender content and it’s been a main thing on my mind. I saw my psychologist today and he booked an appointment with me with someone who is transgender themselves and knows the government system in terms of medically transitioning so I think it will really help. My psychologist will be there too, and we’ve decided that I can make a timeline for when I can get everything done like with surgery and coming out to family. So I am hopeful in this regard.

It’s just I hate myself everyday more and more because I am not how I see myself at the moment. I know things will change but it takes time. And my patience has run thin from dealing with other mental health problems too over the years and feeling like nothing will get better permanently. I know that life is up and down, but not depression down for everyone.

Thank you for your response.

I have ASD so please be kind if I say something socially unacceptable. Thank you.

I think you are doing a very good job. Gender dysphoria is very tough to cope with day in and day out.

Add some other difficulties and it can definitely feel like far too much!

I am glad you have the meeting planned! It's a positive step!

I am happy to read/comment. You are going through a lot!

I have previously worked on a forum for people wanting to start/complete transitioning. The dysphoria is a true downer. Suicide rates are very high. I want to be supportive toward you.

My heart goes out to you!

WC