Having so much dysphoria

starryprince · Jul 27, 2019 at 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ember_42

For various reasons, I had to dress like a girl the last couple of days and I'm kind of emotionally melting down. I have no idea how I managed to do this all the time for so many years. Most likely it's worse now because I've been able to be more myself for a while now and having to go back, even temporarily, is horrible. Everybody around me can't understand why I'm so emotionally on edge and I can't even begin to explain it to them. Most of them still think this is a phase or it's just "bad self-esteem" making me want to present as androgynous or masculine. I can't explain how it almost felt like wearing a clown costume.

The snapchat filter that everybody is playing with that shows how you'd look as a different gender isn't helping. I was already in hate-my-body mode. Sometimes it's not too big a deal, sometimes it can be bad. The filter is just unfortunate timing. I don't want to spoil anybody's fun so I haven't said anything. It's not their fault that I want what I can't have. It still hurts. A lot.

Sorry. Just ignore me. I had to be able to vent a little somewhere.

Hey there, I can relate to this. I'm an AFAB nonbinary person and I also feel dysphoric when I have to dress super feminine. It does feel like I'm acting. I feel like my whole life is an act, to be honest. I also strive to have a more androgynous appearance and I feel great when I achieve that goal, but it sucks when I don't. You're not alone in this and I hope you're feeling better.

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Having so much dysphoria

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