[Ezrigirl]

As a lesbian, and growing up with sisters were we were abusive to each other as children and teenager. I have come to the theory, if and when I get a new girlfriend,

Possible trigger:

I want a abuser. I do not know why, but I feel much better if someone hurts me and punish me.

It is that, or be alone for the rest of my life. Since I am also bipolar I, whatever woman takes me in, she already has to deal with damaged good right from the start. I have tried lesbian chatroom before,

Possible trigger:

but when I ask the other woman to hurt me, for her point of view, she thinks I am some guy posing as a lesbian. Ya, you maybe thinking the same right now. So if you are, oh well, I am sorry for being a woman that enjoys abuse.

[LacunaCoiler]

I'm not sure I understand completely, but when you say abuse do you mean physical, emotional, or sexually (in the bedroom)? I'm a bipolar bisexual woman in a same sex relationship so I can understand why you feel like you are damaged goods. The bipolar does (or at least for me) sometimes play into the sexual abuse I prefer.

[Ezrigirl]

Originally Posted by LacunaCoiler

I'm not sure I understand completely, but when you say abuse do you mean physical, emotional, or sexually (in the bedroom)? I'm a bipolar bisexual woman in a same sex relationship so I can understand why you feel like you are damaged goods. The bipolar does (or at least for me) sometimes play into the sexual abuse I prefer.

I have been open being a lesbian since I was a teenager. My father was dead before I came out. So I had to get support from my two older sisters and mother. Since growing up as a atheist family, there was no problem with religion. True, my sisters and I in return abused each other. They were indifferent with me being a lesbian or not.

I have already in my life had six girlfriends, and none lasting more than two years. Being 29 years old, I am looking for a long term relationship that becomes a marriage. To be frank, I never talking to another woman that had interest with another woman with being bipolar like me. I am so use to abuse, and I know that a woman who wants me, has to deal with me being bipolar. So, I would accept being the lesser woman in a same sax relationship. If she wants to do something negative against me. I just have to accept it or just accept being alone for the rest of my life.

[Roamer1115]

Well, I am borderline bi polar, perhaps...
Never wanted to hurt others physically or mentally, but have had partners that wanted that the physical roughness, not outright punching or beating them.

Most of my relationships were mentally, verbally abusive though and at one time I did punch one woman. Never have actually gotten over that, since that is just not who I am.

I am sorry to hear of others actually wanting abusive relationships, but can understand to a point.

I'm 75 years old and not in a relationship for many years. No looking but if I met the right person it could happen.

I am wondering if the need to be abused stems from bi polarity or just perhaps being abused as a child.

In the past, I've been able to be a bit rough if that was requested but not really feeling good about it and not getting anything out of it for myself. I would hope that if partners loved each other that ways to work these needs out would be found.

Best of life and love to you.

[Roamer1115]

Well, now it seems like you are not really looking to be abused but accept it since you are bi polar and at times difficult to understand and communicate with. That you seem to think you cannot do better and accept it.

Yet finally you seem to be thinking maybe you don't deserve the abuse at all, at least now.

I think you do not deserve the abusive relationships regardless of being bi polar or any other problem. I do hope you will work this out and be careful about getting into another relationship that is abusive. I hope you find a partner that wants a longtime relationship and is willing to work for that with you.