[Ember_42]

For various reasons, I had to dress like a girl the last couple of days and I'm kind of emotionally melting down. I have no idea how I managed to do this all the time for so many years. Most likely it's worse now because I've been able to be more myself for a while now and having to go back, even temporarily, is horrible. Everybody around me can't understand why I'm so emotionally on edge and I can't even begin to explain it to them. Most of them still think this is a phase or it's just "bad self-esteem" making me want to present as androgynous or masculine. I can't explain how it almost felt like wearing a clown costume.

The snapchat filter that everybody is playing with that shows how you'd look as a different gender isn't helping. I was already in hate-my-body mode. Sometimes it's not too big a deal, sometimes it can be bad. The filter is just unfortunate timing. I don't want to spoil anybody's fun so I haven't said anything. It's not their fault that I want what I can't have. It still hurts. A lot.

Sorry. Just ignore me. I had to be able to vent a little somewhere.

[Skeezyks]

Please forgive me if I don't just ignore you. I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I just wanted to leave a quick reply saying that, despite the differences in our circumstances, I think I know something about what you're experiencing. I hope that, soon, you are able to recover what you have had to put aside temporarily.

[88Butterfly88]

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by Ember_42

For various reasons, I had to dress like a girl the last couple of days and I'm kind of emotionally melting down. I have no idea how I managed to do this all the time for so many years. Most likely it's worse now because I've been able to be more myself for a while now and having to go back, even temporarily, is horrible. Everybody around me can't understand why I'm so emotionally on edge and I can't even begin to explain it to them. Most of them still think this is a phase or it's just "bad self-esteem" making me want to present as androgynous or masculine. I can't explain how it almost felt like wearing a clown costume.

The snapchat filter that everybody is playing with that shows how you'd look as a different gender isn't helping. I was already in hate-my-body mode. Sometimes it's not too big a deal, sometimes it can be bad. The filter is just unfortunate timing. I don't want to spoil anybody's fun so I haven't said anything. It's not their fault that I want what I can't have. It still hurts. A lot.

Sorry. Just ignore me. I had to be able to vent a little somewhere.

Hey there, I can relate to this. I'm an AFAB nonbinary person and I also feel dysphoric when I have to dress super feminine. It does feel like I'm acting. I feel like my whole life is an act, to be honest. I also strive to have a more androgynous appearance and I feel great when I achieve that goal, but it sucks when I don't. You're not alone in this and I hope you're feeling better.

[Ember_42]

Thanks for the support. It really helps.

So, yes and no about feeling better. Everything in my life is chaos and disaster right now. Major health issues and we're getting evicted because the landlord wants to renovate and almost triple the rent. We have a place to go so it's kind of ok.

But the silver lining is that I'm finally going through my old clothes and getting rid of everything that isn't in line with my identity. I'm keeping one skirt that I actually like and can be fairly androgynous in. I've actually been experimenting with unconventional, androgynous looks so what I described in my original post will not happen again.