advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,280
3 yr Member
270 hugs
given
Default Jun 07, 2020 at 10:40 PM
  #1
Hi, I'm new to this forum. Anyways, I don't know much about the LGBTQ community. So sorry if I say anything that might be offensive to some of you. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I'd like to understand more about the LGBTQ community. I don't have anything against anyone who's gay, bi, or whatever btw.

I'm now very confused and upset by a friends actions lately. I've known this woman for 3 years. We're both in our 40's. I'm married and she's not. I don't know if this will help, but she's non binary. What does that mean exactly?

I have a vague idea about it but I know it doesn't mean that a person is gay or bi. BUT I DO suspect now that my friend might be bi or gay and is in the closet too.

She kept on talking about how she plans on faking being a lesbian with me and her other friends. because of the restrictions being placed on people who are going out to eat. She told me that only family members and people who live together are allowed to be out with each other.

I think that she's making that up as a test. She thinks it's OK to lie and b.s at times. She also claimed to be asexual, now she's non binary, so maybe she changed her mind again, idk.

However, it's a huge red flag that she won't stop talking about being a fake lesbian, or a real one in denial as she brought this up in a group chat twice with my other friend. One I'm in, the other I'm not.

She back pedaled when I said I wouldn't do it as no one would care then she accused me of lashing out at her for not wanting to go along and she said it wasn't about me, but her other friend. I just said no, that it's stupid and not necessary as no one would care.

She then made an inappropriate comment about how she doesn't get how my husband managed to stay married to me for so long. Rude! My other friend told me that was rude and so did one other friend who wan't in the thread. I told her that I don't want to talk about that anymore but she went on and on about it even after I blocked her temporarily to my other friend.

My other friend said that she talked about it with a bunch of other people in another thread I'm not in and that it turned her off. She manipulated my other friend and said that I got mad for nothing and that she's sorry after I blocked her.

She has obsessed about other people being gay and talked about sex a lot for an asexual person. She used to have b.f's in the past, but is single now. She's all for gay rights. She has even asked me if I'm gay in the past even though I'm not. I have told her I'm asexual and that I only have sex with my husband to please him.

She had the nerve to ask me that since an former friend of ours lied about me being gay to spite me since she hates me now for hurting her ego with my honesty.. She was also always jealous of me since she is single and living at home and I'm married. It's her dream to get married and be taken care of.

She ended the friendship, not me. I did nothing to that woman, but she told this friend a lot of lies about me like how I'm also a 'drug addict' just because I take prescription meds as prescribed for depression and anxiety.

She also accused me of being a lesbian due to not haring me correctly when I told her about some other women in this group, or she flat out lied about me to stop me from becoming friends with her former friend. and from going on a trip with her. This lying ex friend said I'd hit on her on the trip we were going to go on.

We did go on the trip. I don't get why my friend would even be talking to this former friend of hers, especially since she was blocked by her on
FB. It's almost like she made everything up. I never got the chance to talk to my former friend as she didn't want to talk to me anymore.

Thankfully my current friend knew she was a liar and she didn't believe her, so why would she even ask me if I'm a lesbian?

I think that this is some weird test to see how others would react and who might be open to maybe having a relationship with her. She lives at home and her mom is conservative, so I'd understand why she'd need to hide things IF she is indeed a lesbian or bi.

She also said that some of her friends are judgmental. I know one of them doesn't like gay people as she's a an old fashioned Christian woman. She told this woman that she wouldn't play pretend with her either.

I have always suspected that she's bi or gay as she's kind of masculine. She has looked at me very weird once time too like the way a love struck jr. high boy would look at a girl he had a crush on. I gave her a funny look and she stopped that soon after that.

She thinks I'm pretty even though I'm fat btw. This is so weird! I've only known one openly gay woman in my whole life! Is it possible that she's bi or a lesbian? I don't care if she is or not, but if she is, why wouldn't she just be honest with that? She is already OK with saying that she's asexual and nonbinary.

I'd appreciate any insight into this.
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
MsLady
Poohbah
MsLady has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,143
3 yr Member
360 hugs
given
Default Jun 08, 2020 at 01:02 AM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesyka View Post

I'd like to understand more about the LGBTQ community.

.. she's non binary. What does that mean exactly?

She kept on talking about how she plans on faking being a lesbian with me and her other friends.

She also claimed to be asexual, now she's non binary, so maybe she changed her mind again, idk.

.. she won't stop talking about being a fake lesbian

She has obsessed about other people being gay and talked about sex a lot for an asexual person.

She's all for gay rights.

..so why would she even ask me if I'm a lesbian?

She lives at home and her mom is conservative, so I'd understand why she'd need to hide things..

I have always suspected that she's bi or gay as she's kind of masculine. She has looked at me very weird once..

She thinks I'm pretty even though I'm fat btw.

Is it possible that she's bi or a lesbian? I don't care if she is or not, but if she is, why wouldn't she just be honest with that? She is already OK with saying that she's asexual and nonbinary.
Here's a glossary link for you:
LGBTQ Glossary | LGBTQ Life

From what I understand, she's a non-binary asexual who is trying to cheat the covid system by pretending to be a family member (lesbian partner) so she can eat at a restaurant. It's silly but maybe she's been cooped up with her mom for too long during this pandemic, this is her way of getting out. She's having her fun by playing the system. I honestly don't think there's anything more than that.

One can be non-binary AND asexual or bisexual or gay or straight. Non-binary just means a person does not identify as a man or woman. You mentioned she's masculine? I think that's a common feature for a non-binary woman to look masculine.

Being asexual does not mean a person does not talk about or engages in sex. As yourself for example, you identify as an asexual but engage for the purpose to please your husband.

She may have once been interested in you, in a non-binary and asexual way.

Being bi or gay does not make a woman masculine. There are many types of lesbians and bisexuals, some of which are very feminine. So, the fact that she's masculine looking does not indicate she's gay or a lesbian.

Being non-binary and asexual is part of the LGBT2QIA Community. You can also be heterosexual and be supportive of gay rights.

Why isn't she being honest? Maybe she is and you're not understanding it. Or, as you've said, there are barriers in her life that may prevent her from coming forward.

She's jealous that you're married and she's not? Being non-binary and asexual is a sexual orientation and not a choice. Sometimes people are upset when they discover their true orientation because of the stigma, prejudice, and limitations it comes with. I'm sure it's a common phase of grieving to wish to be heterosexual and married with a white picket fence, a child, and a dog. Life just doesn't always work out that way.. and hopefully, after their grieving process, they'll come to acceptance and lead a happy and fulfilling life as their true self.

Yes, one can be pretty and beautiful and be overweight.
MsLady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
jesyka
MsLady
Poohbah
MsLady has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,143
3 yr Member
360 hugs
given
Default Jun 08, 2020 at 01:09 AM
  #3
QUICK FACTS

Just a few things you need to know about Asexuality.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation not a gender identity.

Asexual people can also be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, etc., while still being asexual.

Asexual means a lack of sexual attraction, and does not reflect on a persons sexual experiences, knowledge or interests.

The 'A' in LGBT2QIA represents Asexual, Aromantic & Agender.

Ace is a common nickname for Asexuality

Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who a person is, just like any other sexual orientation.

MYTHS ABOUT ASEXUALITY

There's so much misinformation about our Asexual friends, lets clear a few things up

Asexuality is a choice - Nope, Just like other sexual orientations including heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality, Asexuality is not a choice.

Asexuals cannot form deep or meaningful relationships - Asexuals feel the full spectrum of romantic feelings as anyone else, they just have a lack of sexual attraction.

Asexuals don't ever want to have sex - Although for some this is true, there are many asexual individuals who do have sex.

Asexuals just haven't met the right person - This is similar to telling a queer person they just haven’t met the right person of a different gender. Any sexual orientation, including asexuality, is an individual experience.
MsLady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
jesyka
MsLady
Poohbah
MsLady has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,143
3 yr Member
360 hugs
given
Default Jun 08, 2020 at 01:15 AM
  #4
Alternating bisexuals: may have a relationship with a man, and then after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent relationship, and many go back to a male partner next.

Circumstantial bisexuals: primarily heterosexual, but will choose same sex partners only in situations where they have no access to other-sex partners, such as when in jail, in the military, or in a gender-segregated school.

Concurrent relationship bisexuals: have primary relationship with one gender only but have other casual or secondary relationships with people of another gender at the same time.

Conditional bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but will switch to a relationship with another gender for financial or career gain or for a specific purpose, such as young straight males who become gay prostitutes or lesbians who get married to men in order to gain acceptance from family members or to have children.

Emotional bisexuals: have intimate emotional relationships with both men and women, but only have sexual relationships with one gender.

Integrated bisexuals: have more than one primary relationship at the same time, one with a man and one with a woman.

Exploratory bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but have sex with another gender just to satisfy curiosity or "see what it's like."

Hedonistic bisexuals: primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will sometimes have sex with another gender primarily for fun or purely sexual satisfaction.

Recreational bisexuals: primarily heterosexual but engage in gay or lesbian sex only when under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Isolated bisexuals: 100% straight or gay/lesbian now but has had at one or more sexual experience with another gender in the past.

Latent bisexuals: completely straight or gay lesbian in behavior but have strong desire for sex with another gender, but have never acted on it.

Motivational bisexuals: straight women who have sex with other women only because a male partner insists on it to titillate him.

Transitional bisexuals: temporarily identify as bisexual while in the process of moving from being straight to being gay or lesbian, or going from being gay or lesbian to being heterosexual.
MsLady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
jesyka
Mountaindewed
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Mountaindewed's Avatar
Mountaindewed NoahsArk30
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 35,843 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
8,656 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 08, 2020 at 06:38 AM
  #5
She could also just be pretending because she thinks it’s cool. I’ve dealt with people who pretend to be gay/transgender because they think it’s a “trend.” They are called transtrenders. Often these people have BPD or some other personality disorder.

I’m not sure if that’s what’s going on with your friend.

__________________
Ridin' with Biden
Mountaindewed is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
jesyka
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,280
3 yr Member
270 hugs
given
Default Jun 12, 2020 at 12:13 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady View Post
Here's a glossary link for you:
LGBTQ Glossary | LGBTQ Life

From what I understand, she's a non-binary asexual who is trying to cheat the covid system by pretending to be a family member (lesbian partner) so she can eat at a restaurant. It's silly but maybe she's been cooped up with her mom for too long during this pandemic, this is her way of getting out. She's having her fun by playing the system. I honestly don't think there's anything more than that.

One can be non-binary AND asexual or bisexual or gay or straight. Non-binary just means a person does not identify as a man or woman. You mentioned she's masculine? I think that's a common feature for a non-binary woman to look masculine.

Being asexual does not mean a person does not talk about or engages in sex. As yourself for example, you identify as an asexual but engage for the purpose to please your husband.

She may have once been interested in you, in a non-binary and asexual way.

Being bi or gay does not make a woman masculine. There are many types of lesbians and bisexuals, some of which are very feminine. So, the fact that she's masculine looking does not indicate she's gay or a lesbian.

Being non-binary and asexual is part of the LGBT2QIA Community. You can also be heterosexual and be supportive of gay rights.

Why isn't she being honest? Maybe she is and you're not understanding it. Or, as you've said, there are barriers in her life that may prevent her from coming forward.

She's jealous that you're married and she's not? Being non-binary and asexual is a sexual orientation and not a choice. Sometimes people are upset when they discover their true orientation because of the stigma, prejudice, and limitations it comes with. I'm sure it's a common phase of grieving to wish to be heterosexual and married with a white picket fence, a child, and a dog. Life just doesn't always work out that way.. and hopefully, after their grieving process, they'll come to acceptance and lead a happy and fulfilling life as their true self.

Yes, one can be pretty and beautiful and be overweight.
---------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for your detailed response. That was helpful. A mutual friend and I think that she's testing the waters. Maybe she is just goofing around, idk.
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,280
3 yr Member
270 hugs
given
Default Jun 12, 2020 at 12:14 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady View Post
Alternating bisexuals: may have a relationship with a man, and then after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent relationship, and many go back to a male partner next.

Circumstantial bisexuals: primarily heterosexual, but will choose same sex partners only in situations where they have no access to other-sex partners, such as when in jail, in the military, or in a gender-segregated school.

Concurrent relationship bisexuals: have primary relationship with one gender only but have other casual or secondary relationships with people of another gender at the same time.

Conditional bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but will switch to a relationship with another gender for financial or career gain or for a specific purpose, such as young straight males who become gay prostitutes or lesbians who get married to men in order to gain acceptance from family members or to have children.

Emotional bisexuals: have intimate emotional relationships with both men and women, but only have sexual relationships with one gender.

Integrated bisexuals: have more than one primary relationship at the same time, one with a man and one with a woman.

Exploratory bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but have sex with another gender just to satisfy curiosity or "see what it's like."

Hedonistic bisexuals: primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will sometimes have sex with another gender primarily for fun or purely sexual satisfaction.

Recreational bisexuals: primarily heterosexual but engage in gay or lesbian sex only when under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Isolated bisexuals: 100% straight or gay/lesbian now but has had at one or more sexual experience with another gender in the past.

Latent bisexuals: completely straight or gay lesbian in behavior but have strong desire for sex with another gender, but have never acted on it.

Motivational bisexuals: straight women who have sex with other women only because a male partner insists on it to titillate him.

Transitional bisexuals: temporarily identify as bisexual while in the process of moving from being straight to being gay or lesbian, or going from being gay or lesbian to being heterosexual.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Thanks again for the detailed explanation. I wasn't aware of all of those terms until now!
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
jesyka has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,280
3 yr Member
270 hugs
given
Default Jun 12, 2020 at 12:16 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
She could also just be pretending because she thinks it’s cool. I’ve dealt with people who pretend to be gay/transgender because they think it’s a “trend.” They are called transtrenders. Often these people have BPD or some other personality disorder.

I’m not sure if that’s what’s going on with your friend.
------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe. She likes to act. She used to take acting classes. A mutual friend and I think that she's testing the waters though. That's silly that some people do that just to be trendy.
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:52 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.