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Kev975
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Member Since: Aug 2020
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Default Aug 13, 2020 at 06:05 PM
  #1
I'm an older guy who has always considered himself straight but in the past 8-10 years I've had thoughts of a same sex experience. It's been a long journey to get to the point where I can fully admit that I am curious and in the past year or two I have tried to gain some knowledge and understanding of my thoughts and feelings and have done some research online but there is very little in the way of support for people, especially men and especially of my age out there. Most sites dealing with bisexuality are geared to people already out to this or are for dating. I've even been to a few websites in a bisexual network to try and communicate with someone who can point me to someone qualified to talk to but several never responded and one women who did respond told me she knew a few guys that could help me explore but then and now I'm not even close to that point yet but just looking for someone to help me understand this aspect of my sexuality.

I've thought about a sex therapist but my insurance won't cover it and I can't afford it out of pocket so I was wondering if there are any suggestions of someone who can help me put this all in perspective.

Thanks in advance!
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Default Aug 13, 2020 at 09:03 PM
  #2
Hi Kev975. Welcome to Psych Central. I hear that you are reevaluating your sexuality.

As I get older, I am looking at my identity and beliefs and seeing what suits my current situation. I am not really exploring other options now because in many ways I am pretty settled at this stage of life.

I found this article helpful
"That may sound unlikely, but as researchers are discovering, a person's sexual orientation is not carved in stone. " Changing Sexual Preferences and Orientation After 50 - AARP Everyw...

There are also risks involved that this article discusses Health issues for gay men and men who have sex with men - Mayo Clinic

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Smile Aug 14, 2020 at 04:12 PM
  #3
Hello Kev: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. The Sexual & Gender Issues forum, here on PC, may also be one to take a look at. Here's a link just in case you haven't already noticed it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/sexua...gender-issues/

You mentioned you're an "older guy". I don't know what you think of as older. I myself am 72. So I really am an older guy! (Yikes!)

I'm sorry I don't know of any particular resources that would be available to you to help you to put your sexual orientation concerns into perspective. The only thing that occurs to me would be to see if you can find an LGBTQ organization in your area & see if they might have any suggestions. Perhaps there might be some sort of group therapy type situation you could join?

What I can tell you, based on my own personal experience, is that around the age of 60 is when these sorts of issues can really bite. I myself have waged a life-long struggle with my gender identity. And although I was able to more-or-less keep on top of it for most of my life, it was around the time I reached my late 50's or early 60's that it suddenly flamed with renewed intensity. And from the reading I've done on a couple of different transgender forum websites, the experience I had is not in the least unusual. So, based on that, I would be inclined to say your sexual orientation experience is probably not unique either if that is of any comfort.

I do know what you mean about the websites you've visited. I've had a similar experience in visiting transgender websites. Almost all of the members of these forum websites either have transitioned or are in some stage of their transition. And, since I have chosen to remain in my "assigned gender at birth" (AMAB) role I really just don't fit in on any of those websites.

You mentioned you had thought about seeing a sex therapist but your insurance won't cover it. If your insurance will cover other types of individual therapy could you, perhaps, simply seek therapy for general issues perhaps related to aging & depression & then raise your sexual orientation concerns within that context? You'd, of course, want to be discerning with regard to the particular therapist you saw. But, depending on where you live of course, you may well be able to find a therapist who, while not advertising themselves as a "sex therapist", would be more than capable of accompanying you on this journey especially since it sounds as though you're really still at the beginning stages of figuring out what all of this means to you.

Anyway... those are my thoughts with regard to your post. I'm sorry I can't offer anything more specific. I do hope, though, that you find PC to be of benefit.

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