advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
velenoso
Newly Joined
velenoso has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2020
Location: Italy
Posts: 1
3 yr Member
Default Dec 14, 2020 at 09:34 AM
  #1
I am a bisexual cis woman. My boyfriend is a bisexual (more like pansexual) cis man. I’ve been dating this guy for more than a year. He’s sweet, smart and caring. We like basically the same things in everything. We like the same movies, the same books, the same animes. We said more than one time that we really understand each other, because it’s almost like we are the same person, or at least similar.

But sometimes I felt overwhelmed by this, because when we discuss, when I get angry for something or he gets angry, he always tells me “I’m like you, I know you! I understand what you mean”, but this makes me feel suffocated, because I'm angry because he can’t understand me for something, but he tells me he actually does. We’ve had lots of ups and downs, especially after COVID and quarantine. We also broke up in summer but then we got together again because we missed each other a lot.

And even though at the beginning I said I’m cis, I never really considered this as true. I’m almost 19 and I’ve been thinking about transexuality or non-binary(ism) for years.

Days ago I had a dream where I was a trans man and people called me Anthony, a name I chose some years ago (I was known by some people on the internet with this name).

After the dream, when me and my boyfriend saw each other, I was uncomfortable, and quite sad. We kissed and stayed in bed a bit, but when I was near him and he was touching my hips or parts of my body, I got more and more tense. Until the moment I got away and freaked out because he kept telling me what was wrong. I don’t know why, I automatically did it and regretted it instantly. He kind of freaked out too, not knowing if it was his fault or if it was a problem of mine. After that, to make him calm down too, I told him about my dream, about my questions and problems. He calmly listened to me, and after I finished, he said he would’ve supported me anyway and he suggested I should see a psychologist or a psychiatrist, even because of depression.

After that, some days after, he talked to me about his problem. He said that a friend of his put makeup on him. And he said he liked it, he said that when he was little he liked to wear his mother and sister’s clothes. And, at the end, he said that he should see a psychologist too.

Now, from a total egoistical point of view, I feel drained, I feel exhausted. I don’t know if I have the strength to support both of us. I don't know if he can support both of us too. I’m very egoistic and I know that, but everytime we both share something, I feel like instead of better understanding each other, we’re adding more problems to ourselves. Like when we talked about depression, or bisexuality. Or now, being trans.

I don’t really know if we can understand and help each other... but I also know that if we didn’t have each other, no one surely wouldn’t truly understand us.

I feel like crap for thinking all these things, but I also feel really drained. Thanks to the people who are reading this. I appreciate it a lot
velenoso is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Skeezyks

advertisement
Skeezyks
Disreputable Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Dec 14, 2020 at 04:01 PM
  #2
Hello velenoso: I don't know as I have anything to offer with regard to your concerns. However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So I thought I would at least welcome you to Psych Central.

One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the Relationships and Communication forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

And then here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, that offers tips for communications within relationships:

9 Steps to Better Communication Today

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
MsLady
Poohbah
MsLady has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,143
3 yr Member
360 hugs
given
Default Dec 16, 2020 at 01:40 AM
  #3
To me, it sounds like there's a lot of concerns you have about your bf and relationship that has nothing to do with your gender identity. As you've said, if you leave this relationship, you'll surely be "all alone" in it.. and fear is what's keeping you in it.

I agree, I'm not sure if you're both able to support each other.

Sometimes we have to remove ourselves from our situation and see things as an outsider. In this situation, it would mean to separate from your bf - go no contact - even for a month, and tap into supportive resources in your area. Allow yourself to be afraid and raw and do this for yourself.

Then, once you meet up in a month, you'll likely have more clarity in what you're wanting for yourself, in terms of this relationship. Everything else may fall into place.

Just my hunch.
MsLady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:44 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.