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Old 07-27-2021, 06:31 PM   #1
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Default Not sure who or “what” I am:(

So lately I have been trying to figure out exactly who I am. I have been trying to educate myself about gender and sexuality but I am just getting more confused. I apologize in advance if anything here is confusing or improper. Maybe if I describe myself, you all can help?
So I am a biological female. I have always identified as such however I tend to go from a “girly girl” ( stereotypical hair, makeup, heels, dresses etc.) , to more of a tomboy/male look. No makeup, “men’s fashion”, etc. however I don’t consider myself to be male. I just kind of teeter totter between really feminine vs masculine appearances and “behaviors.” I’d consider myself asexual?demisexual? I find both men and women attractive but not necessarily in a sexual way, if that makes sense. But i typically notice a woman first. But many times i am not attracted to anyone at all. :/ i just don’t know.... feel lost and alone

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Old 08-01-2021, 12:16 AM   #2
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Default Re: Not sure who or “what” I am:(

Hi, I've come to learn about & understand a lot regarding my orientation & identity. I've been doing inner work & healing. Initially regarding abuse & trauma, but it's helped me in other ways as well. Just from what you described, I would say you're gender fluid. You can be more one or the other, sometimes both or neither. I'm also bio female & I used to consider myself gender fluid, but now I classify myself as agender. Not identifying as either. There's also third gender. Something other than female or male.

As for your orientation. A person can be one way romantically & something else sexually. I'm a demi for romantic or more precisely affectionate. I'm more about friendship & strong intellectual & emotional connections. I still have urges, a little bit. So I'm not full Ace. I'm a Grace. I have desires, just limited.

I wish I knew all of this years ago. I probably wouldn't have gotten married (I'm now divorced). Though, a big reason for that was because I was still in traditional mode when I met my now ex. It was due to a religious upbringing. I hope some of what I shared is helpful. If you have any questions, please do ask & I'll do my best to answer.

I enjoy making new friends. especially would like to hear from those in NorCal. Drop in & say hi
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Old 08-01-2021, 01:20 AM   #3
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Default Re: Not sure who or “what” I am:(

There’s also finding people aesthetically appealing, as an artist might find a sunset, but not feeling a need to go beyond that. I wasn’t exactly a tomboy or overly masculine expressing when I was younger, but I really disliked the feminine identity others tried to impose on me as I was growing up. Maybe this is being agender, I’m not sure. I know gender identity and labels are quite personal, I just feel “this is who I am” is the most appropriate label for me.
I also go through long periods of not finding anyone attractive, but maybe people just have to ‘hit’ you in the right way? (general you, and what I mean by ‘hit’ is tick enough internal boxes to produce a response/attraction). This is entirely my own theory, though!
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