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Creepeh
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Default Dec 23, 2021 at 07:00 AM
  #1
I thought I was a lesbian. I thought I finally figured out myself. But then I realized yesterday that I actually have feelings for an online friend who is a GUY. Let's call him P Confused!, we have been online friends for a while and have gotten to know each other.

Unfortunately, he lives really really far away. So if anything happened it would have to be a long-distance relationship. He's so sweet and I found out he has feelings for me too. I wish he didn't live so far away. Just my luck that I fall for someone who is so far.

So what would I even be? I still love women too. Bisexual doesn't seem to fit.

It seems like I need an emotional connection to be attracted to a guy. While with women I don't need one?

Ugh so confusing! I'm 23 I should have this figured out already!

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions?

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Default Dec 23, 2021 at 08:44 AM
  #2
I'm 47 and still confused myself.

If you could love any human, regardless of gender, then you might be pansexual. This may mean that you could like persons who are nonbinary, transgender, etc., as well.

If you like men and women but aren't into the monogamous thing, then you could be a polyamorous bisexual. But I'm just making that up. I have no idea if there are specific defined lexicons for the LGBTQ+ group/culture.

There are some who are sapiosexuals in addition to their gendered- or non-gendered orientations. Sapiosexuals are attracted by intellectual things (like conversations, thoughts, intelligence, etc.) than they are by physiological things. You could fit this description if your main attraction to any male or female is their intelligence or intellectual features. This could mean that you are sapiosexual and bisexual or sapiosexual and pansexual, or you could simply be a sapiosexual heterosexual with constraint from engaging sexually with others (there are those who don't always follow their feelings/instincts/attractions and identify as other things, too; I'm not sure what that's called).

There are many people who define themselves secretly or publicly, without worrying how others should define them in terms of sexual orientation. You could make up your own description. I spoke with a social worker (not therapist, but teacher and veteran of the armed forces) who teaches diversity, inclusion, cultural competence, and equity, and he said that there are many ways to self-define, and we're not limited to just one. We have the freedom to self-define and explore.
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Default Dec 23, 2021 at 03:16 PM
  #3
I'm kind of confused myself. Although I think I'm starting to lean towards pansexual. Becauase I'm a trans man and I like women for sure but theres this one guy therapist at the office I go to who I think is kind of cute but then Elliot Page is also pretty hot too and he's trans..
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Heart Dec 23, 2021 at 08:01 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I'm kind of confused myself. Although I think I'm starting to lean towards pansexual. Becauase I'm a trans man and I like women for sure but theres this one guy therapist at the office I go to who I think is kind of cute but then Elliot Page is also pretty hot too and he's trans..
I'm a cisgendered female, but I've been attracted to binary and nonbinary, including transgender persons. Gender doesn't matter to me. So I consider myself pansexual. I'm also more sapiosexual, because I enjoy intelligence and stimulating conversation. The person doesn't have to be a math whiz or anything, but I like it when we can speak intelligently about stuff. I'm not all that intelligent myself, but I like intelligent conversations, and I love to learn. I'm also possibly a gray asexual, because being physically intimate and/or sexual is really tough for me, even though there is some sort of sexual attraction I feel. I think it's my trauma though, but I'm not sure.
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