need help with boots/cd/tv fetish

For as long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with womens boots...At a young age I really couldn't make sense of it but as I grew older I became more and more sexually turned on by them...

From just fantasising about wearing them in the early days , as I've got older I've ended up buying several pairs of my own ...This then led onto fantasising about then buying women's clothes to go with them...When wearing them I'd convince myself that obviously I was into crossdressing and that there was no harm in it ( except to my mental health), however I'd always end up masterbating then feeling an horrendous disgust with myself and taking them off immediately...

Problem is I feel really comfortable in heels and women's clothes and could happily wear them all day, but I don't feel feminine and to be honest I don't really want to...

Unfortunately with the internet came a whole world of transvestite porn that I find a real turn on...Although I don't find men at all attractive ,for some reason crossdressers, transvestites and shemales seem to really arouse me.. Given the chance I'm not sure that I would want a sexual encounter with one so I'm confused as to what it means...I also get turned on by dominant females..(obviously wearing boots !!) and forced femininisation...

But with all this , it's always attractive women that catch my eye in the street and always has been..problem is I've never been that successful with women..I've always got on with them but not many have ever seen me as a possible partner and I've never had the confidence and self-belief to try and convince them otherwise..

I spend all day hoping to bump into the girl of my dreams and settle down and live happily ever after, but I'm starting to worry that this out of control obsession is stopping it from ever happening...I feel totally alien to everyone around me because of all this mess in my head and its stopping me from having any social interactions at all...I can't figure out where or how I fit in in life and its slowly driving me mad...

Has any one else had to deal with confusing fetishes or obsessions ??...Does anyone know what sexual fetishes mean ??..Did you manage to get rid of them or find a way to integrate them into a "normal" life??..Does anyone have any thoughts as to what all this means??...

Thanks for bearing with me, any help at all would be great...

Usually sexual fetishes involve something (some inanimate object) that we have associated with sexual excitedness or action.

It definitely shows you are conflicted, considering one minute you want to wear them or fantasize about them, and then the next, you are upset and aggravated about them after you masturbate.

A lot of it has to do with (I would imagine) your feelings and issues of how you feel with the sexual issues.

Believe it or not, I think lots of us (guys and girls) always want to bump in to the guy or girl of our dreams.

I havent had personal obsessions myself, thank goodness, but I understand you are going through some tough, traumatic times.

Would it be possible to see a therapist and work through this?

Best,

Clyde

Thanks for replying clyde...

I've seen a couple of cognitive behavioural therapists over the years but didn't really take to that type of therapy...I don't know if I need to speak to someone that specialises in sexual issues and where to find one...

It probably wouldnt hurt to check with one, but if you cannot find one, a regular therapist would not be bad either, especially if they are decent ones

CBT is not the only therapy offered either, hopefully you can find one that fits you well.

I think that perhaps you are going through a period where you are questioning your sexual identity. I would say first of all don't put too much stock in a definite sexuality as I believe most people are heteroflexible in the right situations.

I myself went through a few periods sexual experimentation. Allow yourself to explore them but also examine your feelings while your are doing such. Is sexual stimulation the only feeling you get or is there also other feelings which could reveal more.

For instance, I sometimes go through periods sadistic sexual fetishes which I know relates directly towards issues with my mother, however rather than suppressing them I simply go down to the local S&M club.

In this manner I am meeting my own sexual needs and hers as well without putting any innocent person in danger.

I'm a crossdresser and consider myself well adjusted to it. I only dress at home or in a motel. I don't go out in public because I don't want to risk getting beaten up.

I've conversed with numerous other CD's via the forums on dating websites, and found that many men can satisfy their urges by things as simple as wearing a woman's thong under their regular clothes.

For me it's different. I like to dress, hair to shoes, in women's clothes. For that I need privacy, which I either arrange or rent.

The bottom line is that after a day dressed as a woman, I don't feel the need for three weeks to a month. Longer than that and I start getting pretty grumpy.

I recommend allowing yourself "me" time. Arrange for the mood and setting you need and then indulge yourself.

Does this help?