Abusive Relationship...only a womens issue?

I want to know why abusive relationship issues and problems are almost always related as a woman's problem? Do people really believe that men do not get abused physically, emotionally and sometimes sexually.

I have seen and known men that have been physically disfigured or emasculated to the point of zero self worth from a woman.

What's even worse is to admit or talk about is make yourself out to be less of a man and so those men in their shame walk around in silent pain.

A detailed answer won't be a short one but the main idea is that men have traditionally been viewed as dominant and tend to give the physical abuse to women that is evident from the outside, especially in certain cultures. For a while, a woman had to report the abuse to the police in order to have them charge the male, even if they see the abuse on the woman. After the Feminist Movement, things began to change and lots of the focus was on women. However, it's wrong to say only men do the battering or abuse, women do too. I think part of the reason why it's not brought up as much is because the man may feel that he's mean to be able to take this because that is what society has socialized; girls are socialized to be more dependent, less dominating, etc... .

The issue about emotionally abused I think many people accept and possibly physically (probably more accepting of indirect physical abuse). As for sexual abuse, for a while the laws and views, which still remain present today although there are some changes, state penetration must occur and due to the human anatomy, women cannot do this. Obviously this view has been criticized to death of have sexism written all over it and so it's been torn down but still is prevalent.

I'm finishing a course in forensic psychology and males being abused does happen quite a lot, probably actually the same amount as women do and the research supports this. Unfortunately, the methods of abuse may differ along with the duration, severity and location of abuse. It's come to a point now where if a woman reports abuse to police, the police are more likely to believe it because women are generally seen as less physically dominating. Sadly, this is a false notion because you don't need to be physically stronger to abuse someone.

Wow great reply. I agree completely so how do we go about changing things to recognize that abuse can come from anybody. As you can see no other men commented, which likely because they afraid that they will be seen as possibly a man is/was abused by a woman.

Although I think that if it was closed so women couldn't read them at all then maybe they would be more likely to come forward and tell their story.

I'm not going to speculate why others didn't reply because I think that's unfair to them. Perhaps some are timid of revealing their story and perhaps some just haven't experienced such abuse. Either way, I think it's a bit unfair.

As for changing it so it's recognized, well, it sounds easier than it is, which is simply that the views of men and women have to be changed. Boys and girls are usually socialized differently, with boys being given more freedom while girls are taught to be more dependent or have adults intervene for the girl for a situation yet wouldn't for a boy. So the entire social views and how people are socialized as they age would have to change.

At the very least though, if the childhood socialization views aren't changed, then the adult views should be changed, although they'll be harder to change since they've been instilled longer. However, I say that both men and women adult's views should change because even for the women that are abused, very few report. I don't have the exact numbers for how many report as adults because it varies by age along with the violent acts. For example, according to Statistics Canada in 2006, 8% men were beaten up by women in the last 5 years whereas 19% of women were beaten up by men in the last 5 years. 81% of women were shoved by men in the last 5 years compared to 48% for men. The list goes on but it's clear that on every item, women received more damage (except for forced sex because there was no information available from men but for women it was 19%). For younger people, Statistics Canada Violence Against Women Survey of 1993 found that 51% of women under 16 years old were physically or sexually abused at least once. For dating young people, DeKeseredy and Kelly (1993) found that 35% of females and 17% of males were physically abused at least once. So all this evidence and more I think convinces the average person that women are abused a lot more than men, and due to the historical oppression of women, this is still present and widely believed. Unfortunately, since it's mostly a patriarchical country we live in (North America), if men are abused, then they're even more ashamed to admit it.

These social views extend also into the legal system. According to Brown (2004) (I'll get the exact name of the study if you wish), in severe injury cases, women were found guilty 22% of the time while men were found guilty 71% of the time. You hit the nail on the head in the beginning and Brown agrees, in that there were so few women convicted because the male victims were unwilling to testify. This is evidence to me of the social views.

Anyways, changing the social views is very difficult and it is on-going thanks to the rise in feminism but it's not one that's easy to change. The legal perspective is influenced because jurors are pretty much random people who are likely influenced. There are current laws in place already in Canada and the US regarding that both sexes should be treated fairly and equally but it's not really obeyed.

Perhaps they may but if other men can read the stories, then that may also serve as a deterrent.

If you want, the field of forensic psychology relating to violence, domestic abuse, rape/sexual assault and so forth is interesting and if you want, I can give you some studies regarding it, how victims and suspects are assessed, etc... .

The only problem may be that to view the articles you may need special access. For me I have it through the university I currently attend but things like Google scholar may give you the entire article.

i been put through a lot by the last girl i was with and had too call the cops on her many times for hitting me. one time i was at my friends house and she chucked a rock right at the back of my head. it put me down... so i was so blinded by her abuse i begged my friend not to call the cops on her. good friend he did! but, guess what the cops did they asked us to say we were sorry to one another. and she grew worse after that.... needless to say we are no longer together. 6 years of hell i don't know why i put up with it.

I believe another important form of abuse that men face, but might not be talked about much, is financial abuse. Abusive men control and extort money, but women do this as well. In fact, someone I know is going through a legal battle now over money. I think this one can be thought of as shameful or taboo because of the stereotype of the male provider/male abuser.

What exactly are you looking for? Just others experiences living with abusive experiences? I dont mind talking about it.

Same here/ What is it you need from us? I've lived in a car to get away from my situation. The local shelter wouldn't take me in. "Sorry - women only". And good luck getting the kids with a bi-polar or PTSD diagnosis.

Removed message because women are not allowed to post in men's forum unless asked to specifically by original poster.

Thanks,

Clyde

The largest domestic violence study ever undertaken was done by Straus, Gelles, and Steinmetz. As of 2002 there have been over one-hundred-and-thirty scientific studies supporting their pioneering work. Their results are among the most replicated of all studies in the social sciences.

However, it is widely ignored that the same studies consistently found that an equal number of men were experiencing domestic violence and an even greater number, 2.2 million men per year*, are being seriously assaulted by their female partners.

*As opposed to 1.8 million women per year. Severe violence is defined: To kick, bite, or hit with a fist; burn; scald; to hit or try to hit with an object; to beat up the other; to threaten with a knife, gun, or other deadly weapon; to use a knife, gun, or other deadly weapon.

I don't know if I have a place to speak in this forum as I am a gay male and have actually thrown a wine bottle in my day at a manipulative doctorate student where of course I was viewed as the more unstable one. My family is all college educated not to mean that violence can't occur as I have seen in my parents once, but I wanted to say my sister, the oldest of all of us is the wicked witch of the west. She got involved in the business world moving in between Silicon Valley and sometimes Colorado to find an extremely high paying position at Hewlett Packard in my town. She thinks of me as a slave I think. She drinks wine and boasts about her traveling expenses and her house that she has put tens of thousands of dollars into making it immaculate. She can't deal with men, and I am the closest person she has to a friend because I actually tell her she is out of line with how she treats the rest of our family and even friends that are perhaps not as financially as fortunate as her. She uses linguistic domination to make sure everyone knows she is the most important person in the room and this is part of the reason I hate the corporate world. The rest of my family is much more humble and she can be the rudest person at the table when the focus is off her next career move. She is caught up in a world that is beyond my grasp or desire to know and I have insulted her lofty Facebook status updates to the point of making her look like a young brat emotionally and this has really caused her to develop more sensitivites because for some reason she permits me some space to criticize her ambitions on the Facebook forum with all of her friends to read it. She has hundreds of them that could read if they wanted to and I think she is getting the point that when she succumbs to dining with our family instead of some fancy restaurant she is really finding who she is and where she came from. It is a strange adult relationship I have with one sibling but if she ever permitted a man in her life it would be her to battle her own darkness and inhumility. It would take quite a man to control her brassy behavior. I don't think she could handle it. This is what the corporate world has done to one woman that used to just be a strong willed girl looking to have a career and family of her own. Now it is just her. And now too I am alone, learning how to live without any intimate relationships. I too have ruined that outlet for the time being, but I am also a mentally ill patient, so I am looking for mentally ill aquaintances.

My point being is that sometimes, like my neighbor for instance, when violence comes into the picture we tend to isolate even if there are kids, and that is the current wave of our society. To be disattached from committments and live independently as best we can. I think solitude is a great resource when used correctly and can correct problems people have with getting involved with the wrong person. There are so many forms of abuse and in my opinion only God can heal the chips we all have on our shoulders from trying to be in a relationship. I have another sister and brother-in-law that I love to be around because they have learned a great deal from each other and live peacefully. It is nice to be at their house because there are no disagreements and they actually just live at a natural pace. You never know how long a good thing like that will last but I think they have a chance at making it together until they are grey and old, so I prefer being around them.

I was psychologically abused by my last girlfriend, but I didn't realize it until I went to the domestic violence classes that I was required to go to.

Funny, I was charged with domestic violence and SHE was abusing ME....

Only in Ann Arbor....

No. Men can be abused. I witnessed my father was abused by my mother.

But a man who would come forward to the authorities about being abused should expected to be ridiculed and stigmatized.

It happens for sure, and to men who are not weak or wimpy.

A coworker told me of suffering years of abuse, but staying married for the sake of the kids. He was ex-navy, very macho but was afraid to defend himself in case he injured her. He left her a few years ago, once the kids were old enough to fend for themselves, and is now in a much happier relationship.