What the heck is with men and their porno collections?

Reading some of the latest posts has opened my eyes to a pretty tawdry reality. Apparently, some married men (who knows how many) have these vast porno collections, which their wives either know about and put up with or are kept in secret. I have to ask these guys, why are you doing this? Why are you hurting the woman you married or the gf you care deeply for? Isn't she enough? Why don't you marry you damned porno collection and save her the grief? Porno seems like one addiction that ought to be easy to get rid of, unlike some of the other addictions. I'm thoroughly disgusted but I guess I'd like to hear it from the horses' mouth...why the hell are you doing this to your loved ones?

I thought that only men were allowed to post in this forum. (Likewise, only women are allowed to post in the women-focused support forum.)

Take a look at my "Pornography and me" thread in the "Sex and Gender Issues" forum.

You're still in the wrong room. If you took the time to read some of the women's posts in the "Relationships" section, regarding their miserable experiences with their husband's porn obsessions, maybe you might reconsider your seemingly clinical interest in pornography and the potential it has for destroying a wife's trust in you.

It's all very well to detail your seemingly detached desire to "gain control", your curiousity about gay sex and spanking, as well as your prurient but innocent interest in seeing what other womens bodies (other than your wife's) look like but your honesty is misplaced. Great, you've come clean about your sexual curiosities but what kind of images are we talking about , that you so calmly list?

To call most contemporary pornographic images of women "objectifying"-in the language of the feminists-is to sugar-coat what in reality are images of women of the most demeaning variety. What does that say about you that you subsist on this kind of diet, that you need these images to feel control? Control of what? Do you visualize yourself in these positions with your wife? I think you have some deeper-seated issues and your porno collection is just the tip of the iceberg.

Or is it simply that men are stimulated visually?

While I can understand the OP's feelings, I do ask that all posters remain civil in their discussion of the topic. This will help keep the discussion facilitated, and will also help to ensure the thread itself will not be closed.

Thanks,

DocClyde

gulas;
Please don't misunderstand me as trying to justify the porn industries devastating affects on society, but the psych industry treats porn addiction in the very same light as a woman's food addiction. It's universally surmised that porn to a visual male is no more provoking than dime store romance novels are to verbal sensory females.

Were you aware most psychs will prescribe porn with masturbation as a method of anxiety control? I actually witnessed this fact on another large and moderated self help public forum recently. I've since left.

I can't help but feel a lot of pertinent information with regard to societies views of sexuality are coming from debasement by the church instead of what's actually going on in real life. How many folk here are aware of therapeutic sexual surrogates, their accrediting agency, and their employment by the psychological profession in the treatment of male as well as female sexual dysfunction?
It's eye opening to say the least, and espiceally when you discover this could be going on in the psych clinic you attend and is reimbursed by your insurance carrier in the same exact fashion like weekly sessions for any adult or adolescent are.
Take a moment to google this and then perhaps issues surrounding your hubby's porn will come more in perspective to the much more enormous elephant in the room.
Tom S. in Tn.

" I'm thoroughly disgusted but I guess I'd like to hear it from the horses' mouth...why the hell are you doing this to your loved ones? "

After reading my earlier post, I realized I wrote a lot, but might not have gotten the point across.
I should have added the short answer to your question above as, "because porn and overt sexuality at all levels has become quite permissible and acceptable as one of societies norms, just look at advertising and marketing."

With that being said, there are much bigger issues than this individual porn symptom of a very sick society.
Another couple questions you might consider, especially among female audiences is, " What type of person makes porn, and what motivates them to do so ? "

Tom S. in Tn.

First, thanks Doc for reminding all of us that it is only through rational, mutually respectful conversations that any understanding can be arrived at...

And as for MY "2 cents." As a Happily Married Man with a rather extensive history of the use of pornography, I can personally say - for me - that what started as adolescent "curiosty," quickly progressed to a means by which to dissociate, and eventually, over time, to addiction. Not only is porn addiction a recongized illness by most professionals, I can tell you - having "kicked" a number of addictions in my lifetime - the recovery from porn addiction follows the same patterns as drug or alcohol addictions. I had to eventually get to the point where I saw there was a problem. Where I realized I was patronizing an industry that exploited women. And I didn't want to be "that guy" any longer. And I had to "come to believe" that I was powerless over that addiction and begin to take steps to turn my behavior over to a "Higher Power" - be it my T or Doctor, or fellow addict who was also recovering from this particular malady. Part of MY personal recovery was exploring why I developed the need to dissociate via this method in the first place. First I had to put out the fire (stop the behavior) but then I had to fix the wiring (explore the reasons why). And - to address another point - it had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO with my wife, or OUR physical relations. It was ALL ABOUT ME. And the history and reasons I chose this activity and eventually built up the tolerance and exculating behaviors that come with ANY addiction.

I hope that helps anyone who may be confused by why men (and women I might add!) engage in this behavior. It's only one story - it's only MY story. But from what I've come to learn by talking to others, it's pretty typical....

Some couples like (and yes women aswell) pornography. In my opinion men who can't find the pleasure from his wife search other fantasies within porns. (It's same for the women) Some couples watch porn together to learn new positions, new techniques. Some couples enjoy watching porn during sex. There are various reasons to watch/collect porn. Again in my opinion if a man likes having sex with his wife and also watches porn sometimes, it's not a big deal. If a woman doesn't like her husband's porn activites, instead of being sad or mumbling about the topic, she should talk to his husband and/or a psychologist. Porn industry is a huge one and it'll always be with us until the end.

what the heck is with women and men and their need to be pornographic?

men like women...women like men...women like women ....men like men...

women like men liking women!
men like women liking men like women liking women

the power is with the woman....she is a seductress

it always has been...throughout history

straight men are fascinated and mesmerised by females....

our love cannot be judged by the wandering and wondering fascination!

....she is everywhere....to tempt the man...

I don't understand women at all ....and I guess porn solves that problem.

I'm not happy about it.

it is the largest industry on the planet...apart from pharmaceauticals...

sex is massively popular

a man might have a 'collection'...simply because it is available

not so long ago in 'history'....ankles were pornographic!

it's all part of the 'human' process I spose

bodies look very good to us ...whichever...whomever..

it's healthfull to adore something and not hate ourselves for it

I'm sure there is more to it....but I can't be bothered

You weren't addressing me, but i actually only watch images of men being demeaned, if it's genuine enough. I'm into femdom, and I'm pretty insistent on seeing stuff about men being taken down a peg.

But I agree, the porn industry on a whole is very misogynistic, yet it seems to have mainstream acceptance in pop culture. The amount of times porn is innocently referred to in shows like 'Friends' for example, just unbelievable.

IT, to be frank, I don't like to see anyone demeaned, men or women. From Abu Gharaib to pornography to UFC, American attitudes and tastes seem to be getting more violent. The public has accepted permanent warfare as a natural state of things. I don't have to make stuff up to prove my point, the examples are legion:

Recent stats about 1 in 5 women getting raped by their intimate partner seem to confirm this, the fraternity story at Univ. of Vermont:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/17/us/ver...vey/index.html

It's an ugly country now and about to become much uglier. What is the solution? I don't know. Treat your partner well and teach your children to respect and treat ALL human life with dignity. Speak out whenever someone is disrespected-male, female, black, white, gay, straight, trans. We may not be able to stem the tide but we can damn well not contribute to it.

I'm not married but I don't see a problem with men watching pornography, although I don't entirely support that. What I mean is, if a husband wants to occasionally watch pornography because his wife is on a business trip, currently not interested in having sex, they're going through a rough patch in their relationship, etc... . Pornography certainly can be addicting because it exploits a natural human instinct of sex, so I do not see a problem if men only watch it occasionally or if they watch it continuously but are not "addicted". The moment it begins to negatively affect the relationship because the husband becomes more devoted to pornography than his wife, that's when I think he should stop watching or at least cut back. On the other hand, pornography could give new ideas to try with his wife and I see nothing wrong with that as it could strengthen the relationship.

Actually, the modern UFC has become less violent and less savage. Most people only began watching it once it became popular once Dana White (the current UFC president) came into the picture. The initial UFC had pretty much no rules and each match was a street fight, so in many ways, it doesn't resemble the less violent modern UFC. However, in Asia, Pride Fighting is very popular and has less rules than the modern UFC, so it allows fighters to do certain things that are banned from the UFC. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to describe with examples, so I won't but you can look up on YouTube yourself to notice the differences.

I cant argue much about Abu Ghraib, other than demeaning is probably not the best word for it. Horrific, unnecessary, damaging, sadistic, and so forth all come to mind, as well as demeaning. However, my only argument is that Abu Ghraib was just as horrible before the US-led coalition came in. They may have intensified what occurred, I won't argue there, but they certainly weren't the root cause.

Agreed. North America has become more tolerant of violent and demeaning material that wouldn't be tolerated years ago. Paradoxically, respect and treating human life with dignity is also emphasized as valuable childhood lessons, although I think they've become buzz-words because fewer people truly do follow them. If you and others do, then you have my respect and I can only hope others follow you as well.

UFC is less violent than boxing, insofar as damage to the human body goes.

That's a poll in poor taste but it doesn't compare to actual rape against your partner. If your stats are correct, 1 in 5 is terrible, and could be encouraged by pornography. It's well-documented that porn does change male expectations during sex.

In Australia a recent statistical survey indicated that 6% of women had experienced completed sexual assault by their partners in their lifetimes, and most of these women also reported being physically assaulted throughout their relationship (73%).

To be blunt, we are a nation of sophomores, masquerading as men. The frat-boy behavior is evident at the highest levels of gov't, in the corporate world, on the battlefield. There is everywhere a "boys will be boys" mentality, at every level. Whatever the studies say, to my mind there is clearly a causal relationship between pornography and violence in the bedroom; if you watch women be degraded over and over, it eventually seeps its way into your psyche and affects behavior...same with violent video games. It's frightening to think what kids are exposed to these days, if their parents are not hyper-vigilant. 30 yrs ago, playing PacMan at the arcade was about as violent as my entertainment got (that and killing a phenomenal number of brook trout). We also stole some Playboy but man, that is innocent stuff compared with today's youth.

IT, I would beg to differ about the UFC vs. boxing. Boxers wear large, padded gloves, whereas UFC combatants wear minimal hand protection AND are also kicking their opponents (in the head and everywhere else). I can't see your point unless you elaborate.

Oxi, with regard to Abu Gharaib, yes, it was beyond demeaning...I used it purely as an example of the increasing violence of our (Western, but mostly American) culture. You know who ends up paying for this, as usual? Not generals or colonels but the poor schmucks at the bottom of the chain of command, the privates and sergeants. In a way, they are victims too. Having said all this, we Americans were waterboarding Filipinos at the turn of the century so brutality on the battlefield is nothing new.

There have been studies showing that NFL players actually suffer more head trauma due to wearing helmets. In the same way, padded gloves in boxing allow more contact to the head than UFC does (it takes more punches to hurt someone, therefore more rounds, more hits to the head, etc).

So while it looks more violent in terms of impact, UFC is probably the safer sport.

Gentlemen:

I am giving a gentle reminder to please keep this post on the original topic. If you all want to start a thread about the other stuff, please feel free to do so on another post/forum.

Thank you, I appreciate it.