[Purple Heart]

Any men when they were boys the victim of a man-hating mother? My mother was implicit in her disdain for men but the message was loud and clear in subtle ways. For me it had huge effects on my masculinity especially when i commenced puberty, felt ashame to be a guy. Big issues when dating women felt so inadequate, etc. She never showed any affection to dad and never said anything nice about men. She even told me not to turn out like him, where did that leave me at age 13?

[DocClyde]

Sorry to hear about that. I am not a victim of anything like that, but I definitely can offer my support for you.

Hope things are good for you now...

[Koko2]

My mother isn't a man hater per se, but she tends toward often being a shrew. She just told me "you think you're the king's son or something" because I complained about dental pain, then she related to me the pain of child birth.

I can relate. My mother wanted daughters. Instead, she had 4 sons. She was miserable. Though, I have to say that when her granddaughters were born, she was not much better than she was to her sons. As the oldest son, I took the biggest brunt of her abuse / saddness.

So, how to get along with her? Try saying thank you for the things she does do. It will build communication and a relationship. Other than that, start making plans now to move out when you are old enough, e.g., plan to go away to college. Try to find maternal substitutes, e.g., a godmother, grandmother, aunt, cousin, neighbor, girlfriend. Build healthy family relationships with other female members. If possible, find someone who you can confide in about your relationship with your mother so the disappointment is not bottled up inside you. Professional help with a T will also be of benefit.

[captainramius]

I know your pain. My mother was born in 1941 and married when she was in her early 20's. She never showed my father any affection and it was apparent that she despised men. I have an older sister who has had EVERYTHING given to her. House, cars, money for support. I have been starving on my own all my life. I haven't even had a new bed since I outgrew my childhood bed when I was 13. And it's not like I was a bad kid. I was a geek growing up. had a few friends but never partied or did drugs. Did my best in school while my sister partied, hung out with a bad crowd, was mean and crude etc. Yet she still gets everythingg to this day. My mother even took out an equity loan on her home to bail my sister out of debt. She always got more at christmas than I did. And although my mother never layed a hand on my sister, she would often torture me with scalding hot water, holding a hair dryer against my head until I could smell my flesh cooking. Bend my pinky finger in on it'self causing severe pain and she often jammed nail files deep under my fingernails and would smack me in the head whenever I said, "ouch". I hated myself most of my childhood but now as an adult, looking back, I realise that she just hated males and felt cheated in life because society (back in her day) forced her to marry one. I swear she would have been a lesbian if the era and town would accept it.

[St406]

My mother didn't hate men per se but despised my father for multiple reasons. I would be careful with the pattern displayed by your mother. My therapists said it clearly played a role in the type of women I respond to.

Our parents relationship is the model from which we then put our relationships into. It's what they unknowingly taught us.

[mria123456]

Sorry to hear about that puple heart but guys mom equal to god she given a birth to us.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by captainramius

And although my mother never layed a hand on my sister, she would often torture me with scalding hot water, holding a hair dryer against my head until I could smell my flesh cooking. Bend my pinky finger in on it'self causing severe pain and she often jammed nail files deep under my fingernails and would smack me in the head whenever I said, "ouch".

That's AWFUL! No parent should do that to a child. No human being should do that to a sentient creature.

Lesbians suffered horrible persecution in the 50's and 60's (Angela Bowie's girlfriend was sent to a mental institution) but that doesn't justify what she did to you.

[LavalampTerry]

Wow guys! I've spent 4 years in therapy and this was a most interesting discussion about mothers... And the possible reasons behind their behaviors. My mother was described above. No show of affection - for my brother and I OR our father. She was an angry, bitter, cynical, at times sadistic human being. Would ridicule and shame us as young boys waking up with erections - as boys are apt to do... Can't tell you how many pairs of "tidy whiteys" I hid in the trash after "wet dreams." Again, as can happen with young boys... She was indeed angry... And until now I had no idea as to possibly why.

I do know that when she died 4 years ago I felt NO grief or sadness. Just emptiness. Have yet to shed a tear for her. Have only been to her grave once - the first Christmas to lay a wreath because it was "the right thing to do." I haven't been near it since. I was an over achiever. National Honor Society. Full Scholarship to MIT (didn't go!!) etc. But none of it seemed to please her. Part of what got me into therapy was after she died - as others were "consoling me" by telling me "motherly stories" about their own mothers, I couldn't remember ONE instance of her being "motherly." "Kissing the boos boos." Being comforting or supportive or protective. "There MUST have been times she did those things." "Surely there must be something wrong with me that I can't feel grief at my mother's death." I'd tell myself these things.

4 years later I know why I don't have any "motherly memories." Cause there weren't any made... And maybe, by this thread, I've stumbled on why... And maybe in doing so, I can begin to deal with that chapter of my history. Thanks.

[homealone]

My mothers misandry behavior was displaced on me when ever an adult male was unavailable. I still love her because I can see how her behavior came from her own molestation as a kid, but it hurts me any time I think about her doing the same things with strange men that she did with me. Tom S. in Tn.