Having a wobble

I'm having a wobble. Maybe talking about it will help stop me feeling down or, at least limit how far down I go.

I'll try to be brief. Joined this site last week, posted a bit of my story and had some wonderfully supportive feedback. I'm 40 and suffer from social isolation, shyness and have never had an adult relationship. Until a year ago, this didn't seem to bother me too much (I have some 'quirks' but they're not important to how I'm feeling now. Last year, the feelings of isolation hit me like a ton of bricks. My best (and only friend) managed to snap me out of a depression, but the feelings of isolation continue. Anyway, after reading the support on this site, I finally looked up a gaming club in my local area. Knowing the average gamer, I am unlikely to meet a prospective girlfriend there, but getting out and socialising in the first place is a big step for me. I thought I'd try and force myself out of the house in a week once I've been paid. (Don't you just hate January!)
Then I started doing my budgets for payday and realised I've got too many bills and not enough income. Looks like my plans for going out will have to be shelved. The financial troubles have been going on for years, using as much of my income (well pretty much all) to pay back debt from a few bad decisions. If all goes according to plan, I'll be debt free by the end of this year/early next. The realisation that my plans to go out have to be shelved has caused that ton of bricks to loom ominously above me again.

I've spent most of the last ten years supporting the aforementioned best friend through depression after her ex emotionally abused her for years. She didn't want to see it and even after the second attempt at taking her own life still went back to him. Eventually, after I threatened to move out as I couldn't watch him destroy her again, she realised the effect it was having on me and also her daughter so she finally left him and has been slowly getting better.
Over the 20 years I've known her (she's like my big sister), she's dated and used dating websites, and I've become aware of just how many idiot blokes there are out there. I'd like to think I'm a nice bloke and could make a wonderful partner, but life doesn't seem to like nice blokes!
Now everywhere I look life is reminding me of what I don't have. News websites and TV are filled with celebrity relationships rubbing in the fact I don't have one. Thank gawd I work in an office with few females to remind me of what I don't have just by being there!

Hello, astenon. Are you saying because you do not have you cannot have?

It's because I do not (and have never had) a relationship. I've lived with my female flatmate for about 17 years now, so that suggests I'm capable. A work colleague once described that relationship as "like a marriage without the fun stuff"