Why I hate children. Another thing stolen from me.

I have always professed to hate kids, don't want to be anywhere near them, see them, hear them. I get irritated in public when people let them run wild.

Because it hurts less than going with my feelings. When I was young, in college, or first working, I would from time to time talk about relationships and families with other men. Many looked forward to a time when they could be fathers, it made me feel so profoundly sad.

I worked so hard my entire life not to be the abusive brute my father was. So one big irony of my life is I think I could have been a terrific husband and father in the sense of "being there" for a family.

But, problems both real-world and self-imposed got in the way. Such as my feeling that anywhere I went with a relationship might end in the living hell that was my upbringing, even though I knew better. And frankly, the few women I has had relationships with have all been the walking wounded themselves.

I've had people, even my therapist, say it's not too late. But it is, almost 50 and trying to keep my life together after a breakdown, it wouldn't be fair.

MTJ-

I feel the same way...just insert mother instead of father...I was dating a guy from my Jr. yr in undergrad intil I was 28...he wanted kids. I did not. When he pressed me, I said I would have one for HIM, but he would have to do everything. I am an only child and never babysat. He agreed. I also said if it screwed up my body, he would have to pay for plastic surgery. He agreed to that. He wanted to know why I was so against kids and I said, " I would never want to do to another human what my mother did (or didn't) to me.". I really loved him, but I think in the end, this was why we broke up.

Now it is too late for me, and I will die alone.

I understand. I am 51. And I keep thinking what will happen when I die? Who will take care of what happens and needs to be done after my death?

When I tell my older sister that I will die alone she keeps telling me that I have a loving Niece and Nephew that will always be around for me.

Mrwings.

I am an only child, so I really will be alone. You are lucky to have a niece & nephew. I always think some atty will be be in charge of me when I am old & demented.

Since I work in the legal field, estate planning doesn't bother me, pre- or post-death. The only thing that bothers me is the thought of being incapacitated and, as you say, ending up a ward of the state. Rather just die.