Compare myself constantly to other men

A huge attributor to m depression is this:

See, for years, i tried to look like Dennis Wolf (Google images if don't know him) or someone similar. Yet, in spite of my efforts, I never could attain anything remotely "close" to this

In addition, I find myself comparing me to all other males...and I feel I do not measure up...so inadequate, insecure, etc....due to lack of muscles.......I have even made two "attempts" to end it all due to this very thing....

I see my therapist, and I have heard the whole "personality matters" speech.....yet...inside me, I loathe myself! I hate being me.......in fact, I like nothing about myself.

I did indeed have to google him If you want to look like that its fine. You need to be genetically inclined in order to get that way. And spend ridiculous amounts of time working at it.
Help me to understand. How would this make you a better person?

It would make me a better person in that I would:

Feel more confident
Have self esteem (as I have none)
Not feel insecure
Not hate myself

I'd rather be a man without the muscles who cares about others , than have the muscles and be known as a psychopath, sociopath or whatever for legitimate reasons. In the past I might have been a bit like you that way. But not now.

I googled him too. How much better would you feel about yourself for having the ability to wipe your own ***?

You loathe yourself... hate yourself, LifeIsCruel? Perhaps you think you are the worst person in the history of the world? Congratulations! This is a great place to start! All that icky smelly stuff is your wealth. You can use it to achieve genuine equanimity.

Instead of fighting a never ending (& losing) battle with these ugly thoughts, simply allow them to come forth. Acknowledge their presence, smile to them, watch them as they bounce around inside your head like silly putty (perhaps touch your heart with your hand as a demonstration to yourself of your love) touch them gently as if touching a delicate flower with a feather. And when they are ready, allow these stinky smelly thoughts & feelings to simply drift away. They have no power over you other than what you give them. They are like hideous looking little monsters that in fact are simply chimeras.

I know what you mean about loathing yourself. I have written elsewhere that I need to believe I am mentally ill because, otherwise, I must face the prospect that I am simply a bad seed, a reject on the assembly line of human existence, spawn of the devil. I have caused great harm in my life & it is only the belief that I am mentally ill that allows me to live with the knowledge of what I have done. That & the practice I have described above. It may sound sort-of "warm-fuzzyish". But it takes real strength to be able to hold your seat in the face of emotionally charged thoughts & feelings such as these.

If you want to have muscles, simply go to a fitness center, get a trainer, & start working out. This is a great idea if it's something you're interested in! And building a fine physique is certainly going to be helpful in terms of your self concept. But, in addition, you must learn to work with the thoughts & emotions that are constantly going off like fireworks inside your head. And stuffing them back down, refusing to look at them, trying to cut them off at the knees, etc. only makes them stronger. You must learn to sit lovingly with them & allow them to go on their way as they will. Over time, they will fade like the Cheshire cat until, at some at some point down the road, there will be nothing left but their grimaces...

A great post by Skeezyks almost made me pass on to the next thread. When someone provides such a good response there isn't always much more to say on the matter.

But I just wanted to point out that it's quite likely Dennis Wolf has his own self-image difficulties as do you. Issues of self-image are fairly commonplace among the bodybuilding community. Why else would someone work so hard to 'appear' strong? Bodybuilding isn't about real strength, it's about the appearance of strength and form of aesthetic perfection. The reality is, though, unless you are taking steroids you will never look like Mr Wolf, because he most certainly is taking them, and even with steroids you have to work hard eat correctly, binge and fast in cycles and all the rest.

Personally, I prefer to actually be strong and allow my body to take whatever shape that is. I'm guessing you've been in the gym a bit during your time following Dennis Wolf's example. Although I doubt you found a program telling you exactly how to be like him, or what he does to look that way. It would have to be about steroids, you see.

But for strength, real strength you can be proud of regardless of muscle size do a search on Mark Rippetoe and 'Starting Strength'. If you are searching for yourself in the gym, this book is the very best guide you will ever find on how to make that search a productive one.

Good luck - sorry if I got this one wrong, but you sound like so many guys on the muscle forums and the answer is this book. Always.