Need a married guy with wife/sister issues opinions

Hello,

My wife and my sister do not get along. They never have. My wife thinks that my sister and I are way too close and that my sister is jealous of the relationship that my wife and I have. My sister did not like my wife from the beginning of our relationship and felt that my wife and I moved in together too soon and that they didn't know enough about her. This has been going on for years, my wife and I have been together for 13 years 8.5 of which we have been married. In that time my sister was in an accident and became paralyzed from the chest down. My wife and I helped her in every way possible, but my sister seems to forget that and focuses on the slights, real or perceived that my wife puts upon her. From time to time things flare up and right now we are in the middle of a huge flare up and it stems from words that my wife and sister had on a recent trip to Florida where my sister lives. It was something that got blown out of proportion as usual but now I'm in the middle. My wife just wants to move on. My sister wants to write an email to my wife laying out all of the slights that my wife has committed against her. She’s wanted to do this in the past and I’ve always managed to stop it out of selfishness and not wanting to have the boat rocked. I don’t think I can stop it this time.

We have a family wedding coming up in about three weeks and the current status is that my sister doesn’t want to even speak to us (she’s currently mad at me for betraying her trust on a financial issue that I told my wife about).

I’m at a loss as to what to do or how to handle it. If I support my wife then I push my sister further away then she already is, if I support my sister I push my wife away. My wife and I don’t really fight much about other things, but this issue. Do I just let my sister have her say and let the chips fall where they may? Do I try and broker a peace? Do I do nothing? Please help.
Thank you.

Welcome to the Community, jmgrim22. You have to choose. Jeopardizing your marriage is a serious matter. Your sister does not seem to understand that fact.

I wish you well.

I agree with glok. You need to protect your marriage, first and foremost. Your sister may very well be jealous of your relationship with your wife, in which case, you are all the more justified in protecting that relationship.

It's very sad what happened to your sister, but, by continuing to be aggressive towards your wife, she is not considering your well-being. She really should understand your predicament.

Ultimately, you have to come home to your wife. So, let that fact be your guiding light

Hi jmgrim22:
My wife and I are best friends and, as such, my wife takes priority with me over EVERYONE - unless she is grossly wrong in which case we would talk about it like two respectful friends.
She has DUMPED a few of her friends and would even dump any family members if a conflict arose between me and them and I would do the very same for her. This is our commitment and promise to each other after surviving a previous bad marriage where loyalty and honor did NOT exist.
good luck,
jim

I take a different perspective, though similar, to the others here. You seem to have given all the power over yourself to your wife and sister. It almost seems like it's your responsibility to take care of both of them and assure that everyone is happy.

That's not your job! ultimately, they each need to take care of themselves, and you need to take care of your self as well. This doesn't mean pushing either your wife or sister away (though they may try to make you feel like you are). Ultimately, if either is moving away, it's not because you are pushing them... they are making the choice to move away from you.

There is no reason to be caught in the middle of this. Your sister can say and do as she pleases, and the same for your wife. Just be there to support and love them both. If one or both of them want to blame you or accuse you of taking sides, that's their choice, but you don't need to take that responsibility onto yourself.