hiding feelins

just a little ask !! i find it hard to let anyone know how im feeling from one day to the next, if im feeling ill or if im in pain , i keep it to myself . is this normal for us blokes or am i a oddity.

its normal for me, i think we have been brought up in such a way that we are not to show when we are feeling hurt or depressed has it shows others that we are weak in some way, the main problem is the more we hurt the less we say anything about it,

where has the female population are more predisposed to ask for help directly from their friends first then the doctors, we (males) feel that we can do neither for fear of ridicule or shame.

so no you are not an oddity, you are one of many, myself included, that find it nearon impossible to tell anyone that i am hurting or feeling sad for fear of appearing weak in their eyes

im not an oddity , thank you mellors,
what you said about showing others that we are weak is so true, i try to put on a front to people just a hard face, to try to prove to them (and myself) that im in control, that im fine, when the reality is im a weak scared little boy, stuck in a 30 something body.

we (men) have to somehow learn how to be able accept that we can ask for help and not be seen has weak, scared or feel ridiculed within ourselves,

its not easy, nothing ever is, but by finding one person whether it is a friend, wife, spouse, girlfriend, doctor, therapist, even online friends (less personal) you get the point, someone who you can trust, is a major step in making yourself better, even if that person cant "help" you in the conventional sense of the word, just having someone to listen to you and your concerns can alleviate a lot of the stress related to bottling it all up and trying to go it alone,

it took me 2 years of fortnightly visits for meds before I started trusting my doctor, and even now she doesn’t know everything, and never will, but my point is she has not judged or ridiculed me in any way, she can tell before I do when I am switching phases of my depression, when I am triggered how to switch me back safely and I can talk to her about anything that is stressing me out

you need to find someone who you can trust to talk too, to help in your own healing process, I hope you find that person whether it be in a face to face capacity or online in the forums.

I don't let anyone know my feelings, even my wife.
The only one I open up to is my therapist and only on a need to know basis.
Maybe an online friend would fit the bill cause of the anonymity but otherwise, no way.

welcome to the forum journeyman

an online friend is better than noone at all journeyman i agree with you there especially the anonymity, makes it less personal and gives you the chance to talk openly it was only after speaking on this site for a while that i managed to get the courage to speak to the doctor about my problems, and she like you said is on a need to know basis the rest will come in time.

i hope you post more, there will always be someone here to talk to who understands what you are going threw.

It's nice to know I'm not the only guy that has a hard time expressing feelings to others. I'm 18 years old, senior in high school and I am to afraid of talking to other people at school, I have absolutely no friends at all and I feel alone everyday.

I tend to bottle up my feelings and don't tell anyone about it. My mother asks once in awhile if there is anything bothering me but I keep lying to her and say everything is fine, when its not fine. Only time when I approached my mother is when I had a secret that put others at risk is when I drive because my mind would wander off into space for a few seconds and almost caused accidents a few times. I have a hard time concentrating and paying attention.

I recently told my mother about it couple weeks ago, went to the doctor's and pretty sure its ADD, I can't take the ADD medication until I get the EEG results in to make sure I'm not having any seizures. But anyway long story short, I feel I can only come forward and tell my mother about whats bothering me is if it puts anyone at risk.

hi and welcome shyguy

if your mom keeps asking you if you are ok, that means she knows something is up and is trying to get you to open up to her, i know this can be hard but there ways to do this, a couple of simple ways to do this is:

write a note explaining how or what you are feeling and leave it where you know she will find it, put in the note that you wanted her to know what was going on but you dont want to talk face to face about it, ask her to write you a note back with advice on what she thinks you can do to help yourself, thats one way to get around the whole awkward situation.

you can do the same via email if your mom is online.

another thing you could try is the same concept but with a school councillor, they have them at your school right?, that another line of communication open to you, again if you dont want to do it face to face ask for a email address of the person in charge, create a new email addy and only use that to ask your questions it depersonalises the whole concept thus making it easier to talk,

if you need someone to talk to in here i am online pretty much all the time, so pm me or feel free to post in this forum any concerns you have, start your own thread, go wild

I think the only reason I do it, is I simply can't figure out my feelings. Depressed one minute, someone asks what's wrong, and even if I did want to tell them, I couldn't cause I have no clue.

hi fn

have you tryed journaling or blogging? you dont have to post them, it is a good way of tracking your moods and it can help you figure out what is making you feel this way, once you have got that info you can work on finding ways to combat the depression and move forward

Most of the time it isn't so much that I'm hiding them from my friends, more like I just want to enjoy the time we have together. I know I could talk to them if I wanted and usually, that's good enough. I think most of them feel that way too.

The only people that I hide them from are my family members. They just wouldn't understand and would feel like it is somehow their fault.

hi david welcome to the forum

the one friend i have knows next to nothing about my dx, we still talk but in a roundabout way, for example i would say something like oh i know this kid and he is worried about blah blah blah, what do you think i should say to him or her, he knows i am refering to myself when i ask the questions, and he does the same to me, it depersonalises everything, i dont speak to my "family" and neither does he when he has a problem, he does know i know a lot more about mental health issues than i ever let on to him, so a lot of the time the questions are one way, i can deal with that,

i guess my point is it is good to know that you can talk to your friends, if you want, and that that is an option you can take or leave, its always good to have options

i look forward to seeing you post more on the boards