My feelings of inadequacy are ruining me

I am a 25 year old man. I desperately crave attractive women, yet feel I'll never be attractive enough myself to ever have one.
The strongest, most intensive desire I've ever experienced is to be with a woman that I find attractive, or to be a servant/slave to one (this is my lifelong fetish). I have other interests, hobbies and passions, but this is something I simply can't lead a satisfactory existence without.
The problem is, for the last 6 years, I have been in a downward spiral based on the ever increasing feeling that I am simply not an attractive enough man to ever get this. And when I feel like that, I become so utterly hopeless and lethargic that I practically cease functioning. Joy is sucked out of me and what is left is a wreck. And by now, I feel like that about 80% of the time.
I have also depleted my reserves of inner strength that would be needed to even give myself a chance. I am trapped in a cycle of self-loathing thoughts, and anything I could do (training, approaching attractive women, getting more social, etc) feels hopeless. I feel like NO MATTER WHAT, I will never get what I crave.
I have also tried settling for less, and dating a girl who was not what I dreamed of, but who loved me. It did not work. I tried to make myself attracted to her, try my fetishes to make sex good, and she did everything too to make me happy but it didn't work. I still craved someone I would be attracted to, someone who would take my breath away. So, in the process, I managed to break her heart and ego too. So much for settling.
I don't know what I could do now. Even the sight of a beautiful woman on the street is torment to me. I tried to see a professional but she didn't get my problem. I don't want to be like this forever. I want to live and be happy but right now it seems so far..

Hello Niefel: Well... from my perspective... what you're experiencing is every man's dilemma. We all want to marry the most gorgeous woman in all the world! It's just that, in your case, it has become a debilitating compulsion.

The male desire to be with a gorgeous female is, to my way of thinking, deeply rooted in the evolutionary process. Men are genetically programmed to desire beautiful women because, at it's most basic level, great beauty is equated with good health. And a healthy female has the best chance for producing healthy offspring... thus ensuring the survival of the male's genetic material. It's all just nature's way of ensuring the survival of the species.

There is such a thing as a "sex-selected trait". In other words, this is a trait that, through the evolutionary process, becomes tied to the reproductive process & thus to the survival of the species. The perfect example of this is the peacock's tail. The peacock's tail is so large that it is actually a detriment to the peacock's survival. It makes it more difficult for the animal to escape predators. However, through evolution, the size of the peacock's tail has come to be interpreted, by pea hens, as a sign of health & vigor. So, as a result, the tail has grown to its present size.

The point is, you're not weird or warped or anything of that sort. You simply have a problem that is shared by all men as a result of the evolutionary process. ( Human beings are, after all, just another species of animal.) It's just that in your case, this natural desire has become an overwhelming compulsion. This is where therapy comes in. You need to figure out, to the extent it is possible, what has caused this. But, more important, you need to learn ways of managing it. This is a process that requires skill, time & effort.

I know you wrote that you saw a therapist & it didn't help. It can take time & effort to find a therapist you "click" with. And it can also take time to develop a working relationship with a therapist you do click with. So my thinking, with regard to this, is to keep trying. And in the meantime, see if you can change the way you're looking at your situation. It's not going to be a cure, but it may make it a bit more tolerable until such time as you find the help you need.

Thanks for the reply Skeezyks.
Yes, I've also read much about evolutionary psychology. I know that my desires are natural, that's not the problem. The problem is the overwhelming feeling that I will never be able to satisfy them.
It's not that I want some unreal, imagined goddess. Every day, I see dozens of women who make my heart race. But I see myself so inadequate that I can't imagine myself with them, only those who are sexually neutral to me. I also have a case of BDD (about my facial structure) which is the biggest cause of this.
Also for some time (about until I was 20), I thought of beautiful women as some kind of "prize" that are "earned" by men who "deserve" them (through hard work, strength of character, etc). It was then that I realised that women are just as simple as us, and for other guys (the handsome ones), getting the girls that I hopelessly salivate for every day is very simple. I started to hate myself for being so inferior, for being born into a body that cuts me off from what I want to experience the most in life.

Any chance that weight training could gradually erode your inferiority complex as you become more athletic and powerful and get jacked up on endorphins?

Well I got into strength training for a time, with underwhelming results. I really made it a priority but both my strength and my aesthetic gains were abysmal. I lost motivation after a while, and now I just do a couple sets of push ups and pull ups every day.
I read in many sources that stress kills muscle growth, and this may have been a factor. I am literally stressed out all the time. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night, my obtrusive thoughts of hopelessness instantly invade my mind and my stress levels rise above the roof. And this is how my days are spent, 24/7.
Also, the only way of stress release for me is masturbation. If I see an attractive woman, I feel intolerably bad until I can masturbate. Even this relief lasts only a few minutes, but there's simply nothing else that can give me a moment of peace.

I think you have to get over the notion that only the best looking guys get the beautiful girls. I find that most men who feel inadequate fall victim to their own insecurities and keep themselves from getting these girls. There are many traits that attract a woman other than looks and Ive seen plenty of men that you wouldn't consider attractive to get beautiful girls. And no they are not rich. Self confidence can go a long way my friend.

Hpark3, if this is so, why are there men with unattractive women?

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are other qualities that men find attractive other then looks.

Appearance is only skin deep, disappears with age etc, etc - you should forget all this nonsense about beauty, go for personality, character, intellect. These are the only things that truly matter.

I don't wish to be argumentative, but I don't agree. The girl I fell in love with the most was not the most beautiful, she was the kindest and most lovable girl. I have observed many times that the most beautiful women are rude and insensitive, and a huge turn-off for me.

I think the main reason why you are not attracting those beautiful women is because you say you want them to dominate you sexually. That is the opposite of what they want. Beautiful women deliberately go for the alpha-male type who is sexually dominant over her.

Now can you see why I say these beautiful women break men's hearts? They are shallow and judge by ridiculous standards.

There is a simple rule of thumb for this type of stuff and applies to both sexes:

The more beautiful on the outside = the uglier/more hideous on the inside.

Beauty is truly skin deep.

I never understood why you should not care for beauty just because it will pass. Yes, it will. So will life. Does that make living it while it lasts unimportant?
Honestly, I've tried to date girls that I liked as a person but was not attracted to. It didn't work. I still wanted those women I found sexually attractive and felt bad about being with someone who didn't make me feel that "spark". I simply can't deceive myself into thinking that I am content when in fact I am not, and it's only the beautiful (or at least somewhat pretty) women that make me feel any kind of excitement or desire. And without that, a relationship is simply dull and lacks the very essence of it which is excitement and attraction for your partner.

I have to smile as I rather think you are mistaken on a number of levels and that you would do well to get to know women better before deciding what is valuable in the other half of humanity. But that is not to be surprised at when you are but 25 - you have an exciting voyage of discovery ahead of you. Enjoy.

Just realize that you may want to be more attractive and more muscular or whatever and this can only be altered somewhat through effort. You also have to realized that you are just fine as you are. Stop trying to set certain standards of self image that are unattainable. Just try to be your perfect self, but that dosn't mean you need to actually be perfect.

And some thing just aren't going to happen, virtually nobody gets their ideal relationship. I have always had fantasies about being dominated by a woman. Ex-wife well she was never into sex at all let alone anything non vanilla. My girlfriend is VERY open minded but like me is on the submissive side. So while things are very good they aren't the fantasy that I would like. But an OK reality is better than a great fantasy, because it's real. Maybe you should reset your goal to just a date, never can tell where it might end.

Hi Niefel,

Actually the problem is that you are superficial, naive and immature; not unlike most 25 year old males and many males of any age for that matter. I am being honest with you.

You will grow up in some lifetime. In the meantime you will suffer because of your ignorance.
Ya, unfortunately we all suffer from our stupidity.

Best wishes and take care

Thats condescending as hell, and its also total bullish*t. I relate to the OP and I am quite a bit older. If you are attracted to women who don't want you back, it is total misery, because it is a natural desire beyond any intellectual rationalization and if it is consistently frustrated it is normal to suffer from the lack.

ALl this crap about beauty is on the inside glosses over what we can all see with your eyes -- couples are almost always of equal attractiveness, and the exceptions do not prove some truth, they are exceptions. And guys who are with pretty women are probably rarely doing something to earn this. There is more to life than looks but most people's lives are heavily influenced by their physical appearance.

we all want are dream girl