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Grand Member
Member Since Feb 2007
Posts: 758
17 |
#1
I know for me it was a long time before I could convince myself to begin treatment. I had a hard time because I always thought as being "abnormal" was a weakness. My Dr. even told me I was crazy and that now I was going to be normal. The relationship with my Dr. has been very professional over the past 15 years and for the last 10 he has been trying to get me to act on my problems. I resisted until I couldn't take the "fight or flight" feelings anymore.
I keep my medication a secret from all family members, friends and employees because I am still embarrassed over having to be medicated. Sometimes I even feel less a man because I cannot control my thinking. I am a professional in management and I think if the upper managent knew I would lose my position. Anyone else have these feelings or, am I just way out there? |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 73
20 |
#2
You are not way out there. I uderstand what you are talking about. I am taking meds to help with headaches and depression. While i was teaching elementary school I did not let anyone know..bosses and such that I was on anything. But a couple of the teachers that I was close to I told....come to find out they were also on meds for similiar things. Now, I don't care who knows....its what I have to have to make things work right for me. I use to think I was being weak taking meds....but now....I think its brave.,...why? ..because men like us who are taking what we need are taking care of things and we are facing our problems straight up.
Hope this helps. Tobey |
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Grand Member
Member Since Feb 2007
Posts: 758
17 |
#3
Well, I do agree that it was brave in a way to start taking meds. I always looked at others that were obviously "different" as weak minded people. My perspective has changed drasticly to say the least. I fought a long time against medication and finally gave in. My DW even comments on how much better I am now. I'm not always nervous and ready to jump out the window like I used to be and my reaction to situations is not one of panic but, calmness and normal. I used to think some really way out stuff, like being fired forom my job that I've had for 18 years and get excellent performance evaluations. I had feelings of impending doom amd fight or flight for more that 10 years. I used to go on 3 mile runs just to calm down. I now run for the enjoyment . Being very athletic used to help me a lot but, then I got old real fast, lol.
I'm very active and the meds don't seem to have interfered with that so, I am very happy about that. Thanks for your response and I agree that it was a brave step forward. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 748
17 |
#4
I also waited for five years before i did anything. I felt i should have been able to handle it myself and I definitely was not going to talk to people at work about it. I think that this type of thinking is not uncommon in men. I have not had your luck with meds though, i have tried three in a row now that either make me sick or feel worse than i already was.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: a small locked room in my head
Posts: 7,954
19 235 hugs
given |
#5
at first i was very reluctent to take any kind of meds, but now nearly 3 years later, i have been through three different tablets , and im waiting now to see a pdoc to get my latest meds changed. i have had nightmares, sickness and shakes while ive been on various meds.
i am still praying for a super drug, to come out ... with the cure for all our illnesses. __________________ lifes a game, i no longer wish to play |
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#6
I don't have any problem asking doc for drugs.
He totally agrees with me...why go through life miserable when you can do something about it. It's not like getting surgery or even going on a diet...it's just taking a pill...no big deal. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 748
17 |
#7
how old are you gtr player? there is a big difference in how different generations view it.
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#8
mid forties but i always felt comfortable seeking meds therapy for anything, physical or mental...why not?
and as far as them not working, that's even a better reason to keep trying until you find the right one. of course, i don't tell anyone i'm taking stuff...that's a diffferent story |
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 748
17 |
#9
oh ok i understand....yeah i dont tell anyone either...well just a few people...it really is none of their business
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: a small locked room in my head
Posts: 7,954
19 235 hugs
given |
#10
why do you not tell people ? is it because your scared of being called a 'freak' ........... because that my reason for not telling people.
__________________ lifes a game, i no longer wish to play |
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 748
17 |
#11
second time writing this i hope it doesnt post twice....basically no im not afraid of being thought of as a freak. Im a private person and think it is no ones business but my own. There is still a definite stigma in social and business/job world. I cannot seeing letting people know helping me i can only see the downside for me and my family.....i wrote it more concisely this time so im glad it didnt post the first time......
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#12
i second that joe...wtf...it's nobody's business
on the other hand, i take full advantage of what's available to me from the docs...why the hell not? |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: a small locked room in my head
Posts: 7,954
19 235 hugs
given |
#13
i never posted my last post to offend anyone, i just feel that to most people living around here (place i live) think of mental illness as "freaks" .
i understand what you are saying , about the stigma that mental illness has in social and working lives. i had to leave my job, because of the way they treated me after my first od. they had drawn offensive pictures on my locker and treated my like a leaper. so asking for help wasnt an option for me at that time. __________________ lifes a game, i no longer wish to play |
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 748
17 |
#14
you didnt offend me at all i was just discussing the way people with psychological problems( i hate the word mental illness). are viewed as being freaks as you said. What kind of a job did you have where they drew pictures on your locker. I have always worked in male dominated, what would be considered macho jobs, and there is no way that i would say anything. To tell you the truth i didnt really have what i considered to be a problem until two years after i retired on a disability. The problem was there i just didnt see it as a permanent problem at that point, just a temporary reaction. Now i know its never going away, maybe i can control it maybe i cant.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: a small locked room in my head
Posts: 7,954
19 235 hugs
given |
#15
i used to work as a kitchen porter at a tourist theme park in cornwall (eden project)
the people i used to work with were a mixed group of poeple of all ages and sex, they never really understood what was going on with me, they just listened to rumours and made my life even more hell than it was before. the one's that were close to me at the time i took my first od, tried to understand but they soon wallked (some ran) away . after my first od i had 2 weeks off , then i tried to go back........... that is when i had all the pictures and chants !! (dead man walking) i lasted about 3 weeks and i snaped, i got suicidal again , and working with knife's it wasnt the best place for me....... i havent work since, that was two years ago __________________ lifes a game, i no longer wish to play |
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 748
17 |
#16
Im glad that you made it. It takes courage to keep living everyday and facing our demons. I salute you.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: a small locked room in my head
Posts: 7,954
19 235 hugs
given |
#17
__________________ lifes a game, i no longer wish to play |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2006
Posts: 348
17 |
#18
One of the biggest problems I had in the beginning was that I had a serious God complex going on (I was hypomanic). So absolutely nobody could know that I was taking medication; I am the almighty, invincible, and perfect. My wife was the only person who knew.
Anyway, I started to stabilize with the meds and psychotherapy and then I was more comfortable with sharing some details with others. BUT...it is restricted to close family members ONLY. I do have some paranoia issues. I am afraid of what might happen if others find out. I feel like I could lose my job, my career, everything. Nobody needs to know, and nobody will know unless I stop taking my meds and freak out. It's funny, I get compliments at work for staying calm amidst total chaos. I just think, "well yeah, you'd be calm if you were on 1500 mg of depakote too." __________________ ... |
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