[bbTofu]

I have this Approach-Avoidance conflict with intimacy, I'm longing for a connection with the opposite sex but also terrified to hell by it.

I got myself to dating this beautiful girl lately and things didn't work out eventually, I may have screwed up things because I was afraid to make a move and kiss her and then one day I would just text her how I felt... all felt kind-of-impulsive.

I'm very inexperienced with girls, so there are lots of stuff that I just don't know, like the manners and what is accepted or not in first dates etc..
I believe that I just have to go with how I feel and do stuff that I feel are right, like send a flower whenever I feel like sending a flower and not based on mathematics and calculations "is this 3rd date ? you should touch her hips" (came up with this, hope this in not written anywhere)

Is this flawed ? should I do learn some ground rules n stuff ? or just be myself, the insecure, inexperienced, but exploring and curious guy ?

Hey brother, I feel your pain.

I have asked the very same questions in my life, and my only word of advice to you is ... this is one area where you just need to get out there, experience and experiment with things. It's ok if you fail a few times ... EVERY GUY FAILS AT FIRST !!!

So get out there and practice, and over time, I promise you ... you will begin to understand what girls want from guys.

Some tips:

- Try to ask questions about them more than talking about yourself. When they answer you, PAY ATTENTION AND TRY TO REMEMBER what they said.
- Be a good listener. Girls LOVE a good listener, who is there for them on bad days or even good days when they wanna mouth off about their new shoes !
- Be a good friend. Listen, pay attention (but not to the point of smothering them), reach out, hang out, try to help when help is asked for.

You'll get this, brother. Get out there and give it a shot ! That's what I'm doing too.

Good luck !

[bbTofu]

Thank you

I think I'm a good listener and all those, but sometimes I get too frenzy and carried away with things, which at times perceived romantic, and other times too pressuring :xD

But yeah I just have to keep going n going

[Webgoji]

Unfortunately, i have zero advice for this. I approached dating in every way possible and failed in every way. It finally came down to an earring-stealing car when i was 25. So the only thing i can offer you already said, "Just keep going."

[baseline]

Be yourself, go with your gut, be genuine!

I am barely capable of dealing with the intimacy I experience in therapy with T.