Spanked by Dad when Young, Possible Reason for who I am Today?

There is a lot of controversy about spanking. I'm not sure if I agree or disagree with either side. I was spanked by my dad from around age 3 to around age 9. I am wondering if this could have contributed to my current mental issues (depression, low self-esteem, etc), as well as my sexual orientation (I am homosexual). If you have any thoughts on this, please give them. Also if you have any questions to help improve your answer don't hesitate to ask.

I am not in favor of spanking because it is an illogical scary thing to do to a child. It fills them with fear and anxiety and causes them to lack confidence and self esteem. They often do not know why they are spanked.. I do not think spanking causes a particular sexual orientation because all people essentially were spanked in the 50's and possibly 60's and before in previous generations. It did get people to fall into line, but it did make people obedient or rebellious but not a more sensitive person.

I was never spanked by my dad, but he sure got to me in other non-physical ways. I would have taken spanking instead to be honest. Guilt-tripping, humiliation, made to feel useless is all stuff I got instead of it.

I was spanked however, that didn't really contribute to my mental issues. The more I examine myself, the more it points to my sibling interactions. Personally, I think there are better ways to discipline a child.

New to this site, and new to posting, so don't bash me in the head PLEASE. I just have a question I'm just curious you're saying something about being spanked and being a homosexual ?

Rene

There have been studies linking spanking in childhood to depression in later life Spankings May Later Cause Depression for Children

My dad was a very strict disciplinarian and spanked me a lot when I was little. It terrified and confused me because I often didn't feel I'd done anything wrong.

Spanking didn't teach me manners or discipline because I was a quiet and reserved kid and pretty well-mannered, but also far too contemptuous of authority to allow anyone to keep me "in line" (and I haven't changed much since then).

The one thing spanking did teach me was to hate and fear my dad, and to try to avoid him whenever possible. So we had a testy, combative relationship all through my years of growing up. We're better now, but there's still a certain distance between us and probably always will be.

So, I don't believe in spanking and would never do it to any kid of mine. Not that I have any kids, which may itself be another side effect of the whole spanking thing.

Sorry gentlemen I know this is a men's focus group but the topic hits a nerve with me. I never understood how beating a small child could ever teach a lesson or encourage good behavior. It has been told to me that parents hit because that is how they were raised or they didn't know any better! These statements anger me because what can a child possibly do to deserve beatings by a belt or strikings across the face? I am sorry that you have experienced this as well. It does lead to depression, anxiety and low self esteem. iT also may drive the child to look for love and acceptance from other abusers.The scars of spankings, beatings, are long lasting. As for becoming homosexual because of it I don't think there is a correlation. ((thecrazylife))

Hello thecrazylife: I'll share a story with you. (By the way, I'm an aging transgender person (MtF) who never transitioned. I've always just lived a more-or-less normal male existence.) I was spanked by my father. He would take off his belt, double it over, & snap it at me before he spanked me with it.

There is one incident that is burned into my memory. I must have been around 7 or 8 years old, I would guess. I don't know what I had done. But my father had his belt off & he was snapping it at me, grinning & telling me to come out & take it like a man. I had managed to wedge myself between the headboard of my bed & the wall behind it. I was screaming for him not to spank me with his belt. I don't know if he actually spanked me that day or not. My memory stops with the picture I have of myself standing behind the headboard screaming & crying. A few years later, I guess my father decided I was too old to be spanked, so he quit. That was just in time for the bullies at school to decide that I made a great punching bag.

I've read in a variety of places recently that brain research is showing memories are not all that reliable. It's even possible to induce people to remember things that never happened. So is this memory real? I think it is... but I don't know. Please make of my story what you will...

No problem, I'm sure this isn't exclusively a men's issue anyway, though it probably does affect men and women differently growing up, especially with regard to our relationships with our fathers.

Certainly, children need discipline and guidance and can't just be left to their own devices. They need to be instilled with firm ideas about right and wrong, and proper and improper behavior. But you've got to be very careful about the memories you leave a child with, because the experiences of childhood are the strongest and most lasting. Being struck by a parent, the person a young child trusts most in the world, can only be traumatic. Personally I wonder how anyone DOESN'T grow up with problems from being spanked.

I think that everything that happens as a child affects what we become as adults. But can we link a specific childhood thing to a specific adult trait? I think that would be a stretch.

Many many scientific studies would disagree with you, have you read any?

yes. I've read plenty Phreak. Thanks for asking.

I don't think spankings if that what they are really were which were given to me by manycontributed to mine. I don't remember most of them. But I do remember the abusive ones by one person that were not spankings. I think they contributed.

Alllm that spankings teach is to resolve issues with violence. It doesn't teach communication or discipline, Only violence.

I have never spanked or hit my children and they are well adjusted smart young adults now.
As a child I was spanked and beaten pretty often and I have all kinds of issues.
Spanking teaches that violence is the way to resolve issues.
For a child it is terrifying.

My dad used to pound on me for now reason, other than him being drunk. My mom would whoop me with an old Army belt. So I pretty much grew up getting beat at least once a week. One time he hit me in the head so hard, I had a lump dang near the size of a baseball. Try explaining that when you are at school. Teachers thought nothing of you coming in bruised and everything else in the early 70`s. Once I hit 16, he tried his crap and picked up a crowbar. I looked him dead in in the eye and told him, you better make it count, because I am going to take it away from you and kill you with it. Never had another problem out of him after that. I was bigger and stronger and he knew I could kick hi ***. After that, I probably never said 10 words to him the rest of his life. And guess who was responsible for him when he died??? Me, only living family member. His body got donated to science, I wanted nothing to do with him or my mother!

I was spanked from as early as I can remember. When I was 8 the belt got introduced too.
He left to another family when I was 10 though, but my mother only stopped after I wrenched the belt out of her hand and hit her with it when I was about 14.
She gets one of her endless stream of boyfriends to hit me for her sometimes though - but it doesnt happen that much anymore.
We've grown apart and today I barely speak a word to either of them, even though i still live at home, with my mother.
It, together with my parents not seeming to care at all anyway, also resulted in me spending most of my time away from home since i was about 10 even at night, wich resulted in the sexual abuse I went trough..
So no its not just the spanking that messed me up but it did make sure I didn't trust them enough to talk about anything though. Could never know how they'd react.

My father spanked me on occasion, but never in anger. If he was angry with me, he would tell me to go to my room for awhile and so that I could sweat it out and he could cool down. Then he would come in and say something like, "Do you know why you are in trouble?" When there was a consensus he would take me over his lap and swat me a few times with a paddle or a belt just hard enough for me to feel it. He never left any sort of a mark. And I never felt unloved or abused because of it.

The only times I ever swatted my kids were when they did not feel the urgency of a very dangerous situation...running out in front of a car for instance...or they needed a quick correction to change the course of their actions, just a quick swat or even just a touch. With the car scenario, I would take immediate action to give a good firm swat on the butt so they would feel the feeling they should have felt when they almost got killed and associate it with future decisions about streets and cars or what have you.

We never did it to punish our children. We put our kids in their rooms, took away screen privileges, took away toys...whatever logical consequence presented itself.

That all being said, my friend, I would say that it all depends on how you responded to your father's spankings. Was he angry? Did you feel abused, humiliated, unloved? If so, then at the very least it must effect your adult relationship with him and with others. I seriously don't see getting spank as something that could make you gay. But it definitely could have triggered something in you.

I repeat a lot of my dad's behavior, not with spanking but with anger and flipping out in general. Do you find that you repeat your father's negative behaviors? Genes are funny. We all have dormant traits. MI can be one of them. An event can turn it on, and then you're stuck with it. Getting spanked or hit or beat could flip the switch, but likely it would have been flipped eventually by something else.

I was usually warned by either parent that I would be spanked if I did not obey, and I think there is nothing damaging about spanking as long as a clear warning has been given -- obey or be spanked -- and the "swats" are well-controlled and easily bearable. The fact that you were not spanked after age nine would cause me to guess your father was loving and not abusive, and there is where I believe both of my parents ultimately fell quite short and did damage by spanking too much, too hard and often in anger. At some point their actions had switched from "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you" (something I never believed since they never cried, at least not at the time) to "This is going to hurt until you have paid some kind of pride- (you are making us look bad) or ego-driven (we have all authority and power, dammit) debt to me."