Any of you men feel disappointment with other male family members?

This is something I've just recently realized. I'm early 40's and had a mean, abusive dad. The old school, ex-war veteran dad who never drank or smoked or was religious or a woman chaser, but a silent "psycho" type. Anyway, all of a sudden I see how I never got back up by any male members of my family. My dad, a twin, a nephew, and even an older step brother. This is just a question and I'm not heavily analyzing it, but it makes sense for the many reasons why I've had difficulty in life.

So the dad is old now in his 80's, the twin is passive aggressive and too nice and apologetic and the nephew is like my twin- way too nice, scared of things, and anti social. The older step brother is psycho and violent drug user. I'm kind of a little of both but not really violent.

But I realize when they needed my help, I always do it no questions asked. And I respond fast. With these guys, I can ask them a question and it will take asking 5 more times before getting a comatose response of- Nah, I can;t.

Ok, I said too much, but just wondering if any other guys feel the same- that your male relatives disappoint you and let you down and never have your back and even worse and how to cope or strategies to deal with this? I'm around my dad and twin alot these days and it's a new realization and I am feeling f***ing pissed. I'm seriously beginning to fume. I just can't respect them but I don't know what to think about it. Thx

Oh yeah . I've been there and it took me a long time to figure out just how that affected me primarily because my father never took any responsibility for influencing me one way or the other . And he could get me so angry / then have me believe he had nothing to do with that . I became familiar with just how he would intentionally set me up and how he really wanted to fight ..... But yeah , I never felt any emotional support from him . His old style notion of fatherhood was material . I supplied room and board .....that's all .

That is really ****** you had a dad that did that to you. I think I understand the situation, namely, your own father setting you up or manipulating your feelings and then flipping it on you, maybe throwing it in your face?

It's ****ed up, for. And with my issues, it is worse than it sounds. It makes it sound like I am whining that no one helps me out but it's a lifelong issue in that what you see in your dad or brother is like a reflection of yourself, right? And if it's healthy, then you gain strength and power from seeing a reflection of yourself in your dad. You become a man the way he is a man.... it seems like that's how it works. But when you see a bad reflection of yourself through other men in your family and there's nothing but uncomfortable or cowardly stuff you see-- what do you take from that? Now I get it in that I can't depend on them for anything and all I learned was damaging behaviors and negative thinking.

But it runs much deeper than- the men in my family have failed me! Poor me... I have no help!- but it is bigger than that. I am just now beginning to find the words and understand the situation. Sure it pisses you off and I;m going thru it right now.

My dad took no part in my upbringing at all we just lived under the same roof.
My male cousins have had nothing to do with me since I was a little kid and
my brother who I was very close with all my life has recently turned his back
on me after I had his back all our lives.
So yeah I get it. Family can be the most disappointing people of all.

My Dad was an all around standup kind of guy when I was growing up. A Vietnam war veteran he always did what was right regardless of the consequences to himself.

Then he had a heart attack and since then he's been nothing but a bitter, depressed old man sitting in his chair complaining about Mrs Obama's ample backside. It's almost more sad than even disappointing to watch how much he's fallen apart.

That's depressing AS, Webgoji. And something I realized since thinking about this stuff is the classic response, which is you can't depend on anyone for anything, even your own family. It's probably not hard to figure out after all but it's another thing to live that way. I'm gearing up (again) to start my "stuff" and this next time, it will be a relief to know that all I have is myself to depend on.

My father is a huge disappointment.

When I ever have to make a difficult moral decision I ask myself what would my father do, then I do the opposite, sad but effective.

Our fathers are models of manhood . As children , adolescents and adults , their presence or lack of in our lives affects deeply - of this I'm sure . Every time I see a dad and his son playing ball together - I ask my self , why was he so indifferent and mean spirited . My father was emotionally abusive and I took the responsibility for his behavior because he could make me believe I deserved it . I waited too long thinking I could reach him and that a healthy relationship could happen . I was his scapegoat . He knew just exactly where I was vulnerable and when to attach all the while carrying on the pretense that nothing was wrong . He is dead now - 2 years and his last words to me were , "get out of here and don't ever come back " . The only way I can understand his behavior is to say he was mentally ill . And that doesn't change any of it . Forgiving him will never expunge the deep wounds he created in me . I gave him too much power but as a kid you have no choice . When you realize this you have to find a way to take back the power . For me I began to distance myself from him - he would never include me our my family - his grandchildren - in his " family celebrations " And while this hurt I began to see how self centered , manipulative and truly narcissistic he was . I could separate his problem from my own .