[romanjames2004]

ok,

So, I am an 18 year old male. I am a freshmen in college and going through a lot, stressfully. However, I am also feeling what I call a "Male Biological Clock". I feel like I really want kids. Not the sexual part but the whole being a dad and taking care of my own kids and doing all the dad stuff. I know it would be totaly manic for me to just go and have kids at this point in my life, and I know I could never take care of them right now. I am just sooo afraid that if I don't have them now, I might not ever want them. I have seen the best and worst parenting, and I feel that I would be a great parent myself. But either here nor there, I know I am not ready. Do other guys go through this sort of thing. I know it is really weird but tell me what you think. I know I am not crazy!

Thanks'


Roman James

[Brian37]

youv'e got plenty of time for kids...trust me....finish your education...party...have fun

I never went thru "wanting kids"....I have 1 now and I was 35 when he was born.....

I dont thing younger men like yourself are mature enough in the sense to realize what
exactly being a parent is....at least I wasnt at your age

im a believer that things happen or occur in a natural way...when its time for you to be a daddy....it will happen

[bonaire]

Sounds like an impulse of some type - I'd suggest just talking with a therapist to find out what could be causing it. Maybe lack of something in childhood or whatever. If you had a good family and want to start your own - you have to make sure you would have a wife who was on the same page as you. If you just want to be a baby-daddy, then that's not responsible for the child(ren).

Sadly, I got my girlfriend pregnant at 17 and her parents pushed for an abortion. Was a good idea at the time as it would have messed up my career and life (I think). I was a freshman in college and started dating and then that happened. I regret going through with the abortion but I didn't have much say in it.

Now, decades later - I am happy I waited. Got married at 30, had kids at 31 and 35 (we now have to great kids). I still play with the kids and do active stuff that you may think you'll not be able to do if you wait. If you keep in shape into your 30s and 40s, no problem there having kids later.

I can also say that I was adopted - my parents were young and were into their 2nd marriage and already had 3 and 4 kids between them. I was "extra" and was given to a couple who wanted to have one. Their impulse was my mother had hit 45 and not had a child yet so she asked her 62 year old husband for an adopted baby. Other than the super-age difference, my mom raised me well (of course, dad died when I was 6 so things were a bit tough).

People want stuff now. In our credit card generation and instant gratification of things like video games - we end up thinking our impulses are things we should and are entitled to act on. We all have to say to ourselves "is this an impulse or is it something that is needed to survive" and work from there. We have to have the ability to fight our impulses. I'm teaching my kids that now - when they want something, I help them see whether they really need it or just want it. We rarely have crying/screaming situations like I do see with some families who give in which I think teaches the kids to act on impulses more as they get older.

[Slothrop]

I don't think it's weird to want kids. I do agree with the others, though, that you're probably below the ideal age. Sure, you could probably adapt and be a good parent if you had to, but I think you're smart to wait.

I think a college degree is a good thing...you could totally derail that by becoming a parent now.

I met my wife and future mother of my kids when I was 18, but we held off on having kids until into our 30s. You don't necessarily have to wait that long, but it's good to have school out of the way and a steady income first.

Just my $0.02!

[digdug]

Originally Posted by Slothrop

I met my wife and future mother of my kids when I was 18, but we held off on having kids until into our 30s. You don't necessarily have to wait that long, but it's good to have school out of the way and a steady income first.

I'm in the exact same situation, except we're not at the kid part yet. Apologies to the OP for going off-topic, but I'm glad to hear that we're not the only couple to have waited until their 30s to have kids...in our case we're just not quite settled in our careers yet, but we're getting there. Any problems having kids so late, I mean with regards to the pregnancies?

Okay, now to the original question. That's great that you want to have kids, but wait, man, wait. From a practical standpoint, you want to finish your degree, and having a kid is going to make it tempting to drop out and work full-time in some lousy job to make ends meet. And then you never know what's going to happen post-grad: you might move all over the place before you settle down. That's far from an ideal environment to raise a kid, and you did say that you want to be a responsible father.

Also, you've just started school. You are going to change a lot as a person within the next 4-5 years. You'll see. That doesn't mean that wanting to have kids is a bad thing, but you might find yourself having a different perspective on the issue eventually: maybe you'll decide that you want to travel first, for example.

There's a lot to do in the world and only a limited time to do it before you have to grow up. Don't force things.

[Slothrop]

Originally Posted by digdug

I'm in the exact same situation, except we're not at the kid part yet. Apologies to the OP for going off-topic, but I'm glad to hear that we're not the only couple to have waited until their 30s to have kids...in our case we're just not quite settled in our careers yet, but we're getting there. Any problems having kids so late, I mean with regards to the pregnancies?

Not for us. We do know mid-30s couples who have had to try for a while, but it worked out. One couple had to pay for fertility drugs, but the mother had non-age-related fertility problems.

Apparently the risks of complications and birth defects do go up with age, but I think that is largely going into the later 30s and the 40s.

So, I think the OP will do fine to wait!

[digdug]

Originally Posted by Slothrop

Not for us. We do know mid-30s couples who have had to try for a while, but it worked out. One couple had to pay for fertility drugs, but the mother had non-age-related fertility problems.

Apparently the risks of complications and birth defects do go up with age, but I think that is largely going into the later 30s and the 40s.

So, I think the OP will do fine to wait!

Thanks for the info. My wife is 30, and we're going to be trying soon, so I'm going to stay optimistic for now. I know it's tough for some people, and I sympathize with those you know who have struggled.