Failed Marriage (Edited Version)

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failed marraige
#459368 - Mon Jan 29 2007 05:45 pm
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I have been thinking a lot lately about my failed marriage, 7th year anniversary is in Feb., that’s the wedding and final divorce papers date, they are one in the same Feb. 21st , ironically my divorce was finalised on the same date I was married on, 3 years to the day,

Anyway my question is does anyone else out there know the exact day / date that they knew the marriage was over, yet still stuck with it?, I can say to the day when I knew my marriage was not worth fighting for, so I just gave up, yet it took me 2 years to file the divorce papers from that date thinking it cant get any worse, and it didn’t for 2 years, then the proverbial s..t hit the fan so I was forced to take action which ended with me living in my car for 6 weeks before I was arrested and imprisoned for 17 months………………………
I don’t know how to put into words the contempt and loathing I feel for this woman without going into one, I know she feels the same way as I do, yet why cant I let it go? You would think after 7 years of divorce I could just move on with my life, yet I cant, any tips or advise you could give me in moving forward that you (men) have used yourself would be gratefully received.

Ps I do want men only comments on this, thanks



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gtrplayer
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Re: failed marraige [Re: mellors]
#459381 - Mon Jan 29 2007 06:11 pm
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mellors, sorry about the divorce...that sucks.
i don't see how you can get "over" her until you replace her with someone else.
it will take the intensity of a new relationship to overcome the memories of her...i don't think those memories just fade away unless they are replaced with new ones.
i hope that makes some sense.....

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mellors
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Re: failed marraige [Re: gtrplayer]
#459454 - Mon Jan 29 2007 07:59 pm
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i got burned badly with the last relationship i had, and the 2 relationships before that also, the 2 before i made a clean break from, i moved out of the area and have never seen them again, that worked for me.

if I could just walk away from the entire situation I would, but I cant, I have my son to think about, I have major trust issues now which stop me from letting ANYONE get close enough to be able to hurt me again, so moving into a new relationship is never going to work, for either of us.



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mellors
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Re: failed marraige [Re: mellors]
#460447 - Wed Jan 31 2007 01:09 pm
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i have tryed being nice to her and boyfriend, got shot down
acceptance that it is over, didnt last she was playing games to get what she wanted
denial, (that worked for a while)
hating (current)

any other suggestions anyone?



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50guy
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Re: failed marraige [Re: mellors]
#518093 - Tue Apr 24 2007 10:28 am
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I think you are in a tough situation. Someone once told me there is a fine line between love and hate.
I have been married for 34 years and I don't know how I could be without her, then again sometimes I would like to be on my own. My DW is a good person but, every relationship has its ups and downs.
I would focus on moving on in your situation. It is over and done and no amount of hate is going to change it. In fact hate will destroy you instead of destroying the one you are angry and bitter toward.
At one time in your life you did love her so, I would try to think about the good in her and let the past just fade into the trash heap and get on with the future. We all have regrets and it does no good to dwell on then for such a long time. In the long run you will only hurt yourself.
So, my advice is pick yourself up, dust off your hatered and don't look back.

guy

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Re: failed marraige [Re: 50guy]
#518964 - Wed Apr 25 2007 09:10 am
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Hi. I am going through my 2nd divorce currently. Well it was suppose to happen on APril 2nd but she is doing a do-it-yourself divorce and apparently never has the right papers...so now it scheduled for June 4th. Anyway......you just have to let if go....if you don't you are just going to be done in by this. I loved my first wife ...she left to live with her girlfriend....I moved....across the states from CA to MI where I grew up ..met my 2nd wife and now nine years later she needs to go "and find herself" apparently this is done by meeting up with several men from myspace.com....anyway....I have had to just let it go ....let her go...and now the other day she was telling me about some guy from Vegas who she has known before she left me...back last September...is going to come and visit with this June...and then they are going on a vacation to FLorida where WE use to go.....and you know what I said back to her? I said: "I hope it works out for you and this gjuy is the one...florida is beautiful and I am sure you will have a good time. " And I was suprised I actually meant it. If you move just make sure you have learned what you need to learn from this.,....if I woud of then I probably would not of been going through another divorce...I mean I ran from one situaiton right into another. Personally, I am done with getting married. Now I just want to be fullfilled in a career....have many friends....and be happy.....

Tobey

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50guy
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Re: failed marraige [Re: Chalkdust]
#519455 - Wed Apr 25 2007 06:28 pm
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Tobey,

If or, when my marriage is over, hopefully not , but if it ever is over I will never get married again.

guy

Edited by 50guy (Wed Apr 25 2007 06:28 pm)

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jefftele
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Re: failed marraige [Re: 50guy]
#556569 - Wed Jun 06 2007 08:51 am
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sounds to me like you are stuck somewhere have you felt the anger, the yearning for what was lost ,the sadness of it all?,my 28 year was ended by my ex wife 2 years ago i don't have any feelings for her now apart from the fact of how the person you loved could treat you so terribly, i talked loads and wept buckets and have a great bunch of friends ,there's no way i'd go back to my marriage now, onwards don't feel at the moment that i can be even bothered with a relationship too much hassle -i'm enjoying being single!!

life laughs when i make plans

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Love_Hate_Sad accidentally posted here, so I sent her a PM, and let her know. (Mellors, the message was to you, so I sent you the message via PM) The rest of the post is here, in its entirety. A bit "hairy", yes, but it is here...

Clyde, dude, what happened to my original thread?

Now all that remains of the original thread is this cobbled together, disjointed “hairy” version.

Exactly which part of:
“Ps I do want men only comments on this, thanks” (Specifically written as the last stand-alone sentence of my original post) was not clear to the Female poster who ruined my thread here in the MENS forum?

Why did you not just delete her post and leave the original thread intact?

You might has well delete the entire thread now for all I care, its too disjointed to understand contextually.

Mellors,

I will see what I can fix or figure out...give me a bit, and I will see, okay?

I re-re-edited the original thread so that it is readable, and who said what, i deleted nothing other than the bumf to transform it back to a coherant conversation.

Failed marriage

Mon Jan 29 2007 05:45 pm

I have been thinking a lot lately about my failed marriage, 7th year anniversary is in Feb., that’s the wedding and final divorce papers date, they are one in the same Feb. 21st , ironically my divorce was finalised on the same date I was married on, 3 years to the day,

Anyway my question is does anyone else out there know the exact day / date that they knew the marriage was over, yet still stuck with it?, I can say to the day when I knew my marriage was not worth fighting for, so I just gave up, yet it took me 2 years to file the divorce papers from that date thinking it cant get any worse, and it didn’t for 2 years, then the proverbial s..t hit the fan so I was forced to take action which ended with me living in my car for 6 weeks before I was arrested and imprisoned for 17 months………………………
I don’t know how to put into words the contempt and loathing I feel for this woman without going into one, I know she feels the same way as I do, yet why cant I let it go? You would think after 7 years of divorce I could just move on with my life, yet I cant, any tips or advice you could give me in moving forward that you (men) have used yourself would be gratefully received.

Ps I do want men only comments on this, thanks

gtrplayer reply

Mellors, sorry about the divorce...that sucks.
i Don’t see how you can get "over" her until you replace her with someone else.
it will take the intensity of a new relationship to overcome the memories of her...I don't think those memories just fade away unless they are replaced with new ones.
i Hope that makes some sense...

Mellors reply

I got burned badly with the last relationship I had, and the 2 relationships before that also, the 2 before I made a clean break from, I moved out of the area and have never seen them again, that worked for me.

if I could just walk away from the entire situation I would, but I cant, I have my son to think about, I have major trust issues now which stop me from letting ANYONE get close enough to be able to hurt me again, so moving into a new relationship is never going to work, for either of us.

Mellors reply

I have tried being nice to her and boyfriend, got shot down
acceptance that it is over, didn’t last she was playing games to get what she wanted
denial, (that worked for a while)
hating (current)

any other suggestions anyone?

50guy reply

I think you are in a tough situation. Someone once told me there is a fine line between love and hate.
I have been married for 34 years and I don't know how I could be without her, then again sometimes I would like to be on my own. My DW is a good person but, every relationship has its ups and downs.
I would focus on moving on in your situation. It is over and done and no amount of hate is going to change it. In fact hate will destroy you instead of destroying the one you are angry and bitter toward.
At one time in your life you did love her so, I would try to think about the good in her and let the past just fade into the trash heap and get on with the future. We all have regrets and it does no good to dwell on then for such a long time. In the long run you will only hurt yourself.
So, my advice is pick yourself up, dust off your hatred and don't look back.

Chalkdust reply

Hi. I am going through my 2nd divorce currently. Well it was suppose to happen on April 2nd but she is doing a do-it-yourself divorce and apparently never has the right papers...so now it scheduled for June 4th. Anyway...you just have to let if go...if you don't you are just going to be done in by this. I loved my first wife ...she left to live with her girlfriend...I moved...across the states from CA to MI where I grew up met my 2nd wife and now nine years later she needs to go "and find herself" apparently this is done by meeting up with several men from myspace.com....anyway....I have had to just let it go ....let her go...and now the other day she was telling me about some guy from Vegas who she has known before she left me...back last September...is going to come and visit with this June...and then they are going on a vacation to Florida where WE use to go.....and you know what I said back to her? I said: "I hope it works out for you and this guy is the one...Florida is beautiful and I am sure you will have a good time.” And I was surprised I actually meant it. If you move just make sure you have learned what you need to learn from this.,....if I would of then I probably would not of been going through another divorce...I mean I ran from one situation right into another. Personally, I am done with getting married. Now I just want to be fulfilled in a career...have many friends...and be happy...

Tobey.

50guys reply

Tobey,

If or, when my marriage is over, hopefully not, but if it ever is over I will never get married again.

Guy.

jefftele reply

sounds to me like you are stuck somewhere have you felt the anger, the yearning for what was lost, the sadness of it all? My 28 year was ended by my ex wife 2 years ago I don't have any feelings for her now apart from the fact of how the person you loved could treat you so terribly, I talked loads and wept buckets and have a great bunch of friends, there’s no way I’d go back to my marriage now, onwards don't feel at the moment that I can be even bothered with a relationship too much hassle -I’m enjoying being single!!

Life laughs when I make plans