Partner in crime

Always wished that I had a partner in crime, like a good "bro" that would be my side when everything went to ****, and vice versa.

Loyalty is like this fantastical concept which almost seems unreal when I'm considered a lot of the friendships I've had in my life. I've had a lot of friends in my life, but in most cases they've taken a pretty neutral stance when it comes to things, even my close friends. I think a lot of it is just their inability to express how they feel, or having an awkward reaction to having an honest conversation about stuff. Seems like a lack of integrity, almost. I've offered my own time and sympathies, myself, but it's almost universally refused, as I generally tend to hang out with people that are very "independent" and see it as a sign of weakness to rant about your problems.

Part of me thinks that I should get out more, maybe join a bar league or something with the hope of making a friend like I've described. Having gotten wrecked by the last two women I dated, I just felt like it would have been nice to been able to have a drink with a dude and rant about things, and get that male perspective... make me believe that I'm not a jerk.

Maybe this ideal sort of male relationship is rare?

I used to wish I could have a friend. But, over time, I've just come to realize that I am simply too unusual to ever likely find one. And I don't want one badly enough to "settle" for someone I have to hide my true self from. But then, realistically too, even if I could find someone, chances are I'd just sabotage the relationship anyway. So instead I simply keep to myself...

It becomes second nature to experience that, which I'm never going back to.

Over the years I've isolated from all friendships, however, the nasty boys always have been coming past asking for me.

Not a surprise, but I've kept them all in the dark. Besides, they're no good to me without being on drugs.

Nobody is.