I'm going insane

I'm really starting to question my sanity guys.

Last night my wife asked my to "put the birthday cake in a tin". I explained I would have to cut it in half (it was a 3) to fit it in. And asked if that was ok. She answered "that's fine" so I did.
Turns out she wanted me to leave it on the board and put an upside down tin on top of it. Fair enough, a miscommunication there. But then she denied we even had a conversation about me cutting it to fit it in.

This happens a lot. I have conversations with her that she denies happened. This can be whole conversations, or me imagining her answering me. Often I'll repeat back her instructions and get confirmation that's correct, only to discover I imagined it all.

On the flip side sometimes I'll not hear her reply to my questions. I can be staring at her mouth and concentrating listening for an answer and yet somehow I miss her mouth moving and her answering me.

Other times I'll get fed up of her constant criticism of me as a parent and call her out for calling kids "stupid", "pathetic", "horrible" when they don't bend to her every demand straight away. Apparently she doesn't use those words to anybody so I'm imagining her using them to me, the kids, people in shops etc.

Likewise, before we got married I believe we had an agreement to move out of London well before any kids got to secondary age. This would have been a deal breaker for me and I know we discussed it . I remember the discussions and seriously would not have married her if it meant being stuck in this godforsaken shitheap of a city. But apparently I imagined all this as well.

Then last night (after the kids had gone to bed) she had another anger episode. She was smacking the cake tin lid on the table repeatedly. I told her to stop so she screamed it was the table or me that would be hit. She then started smacking the table with the lid again. I grabbed it off her and put it on the table. She then grabbed my top by the collar and tore it. She disappeared into the bathroom for ten minutes and then came out saying I'd picked the lid up and smacked her in the face with it.

This happens so much (the violence not so often but anytime she goes mental she somehow ends up saying I've attacked her and she did nothing to me - no idea where those scars on my arm came from that I remember clearly were her gouging me). She's so convincing that I'm really questioning my sanity.

Shy of putting in hidden cameras and microphones everywhere in the house so I can work out if I'm imagining all this, any tips on how to stop myself going insane?

So sorry you are in an abusive relationship.

Your wife may have a personality disorder or other psychiatric condition.

Maybe someone on here could give you some tips on how to deal with the situation.

In the meantime, I would document everything you can and that would include recording/video, if necessary. You might want to consult a lawyer. She shouldn't be putting you and the kids down... and you'll need evidence to fight for full custody.


I also googled "how to deal with abusive women" and "men dealing with abusive wives" and a lot came up.

Also there this group for men:

Narcissistic Wife: 6 Signs Your Wife Is A Narcissist and Ways To Handle Them

take good care of yourself and the children.

I'd run , not walk , out of there. The main reason being that she can make stuff up and you'll wind up in jail. Get yourself an attorney ASAP. Good luck...