how do you feel like a man?

aw... he's just a big pussycat... : ) thanks.. they are beautiful animals...

Bryan,

I don't know how to explain it more than what I tried to in my original post. I don't feel like I fit in--never have--in the man club. I'm not a typical guy. I know I should be okay with that, but I just feel like less of a man. And I feel like such a p-ssy for admitting that to all of you, too.

I was terribly shy as a kid, so I didn't make friends easily. I'm sure some misread 'shy' for 'stuck-up.' Even as a first-grader, I didn't feel like a 'real boy.' My parents made me wear church clothes even to school whereas the other boys wore just jeans and a t-shirt. I didn't play rough and tumble. Don't know how. I failed recess. I failed the social aspect of school. Presently, I get along with adults--but my workplace is predominantly women. I get all nervous around any man other than my brother and my best friend.

In junior high I worked on a crew of guys on a farm de-tassling corn. You rural guys know what that is. Anyway, each of us would be assigned a number of rows--so you work alone. At lunch we'd all meet. I walk to get my lunch and some assface sings (this was the 80s) "Stroke me stroke me," while the rest chime in with "stroke, stroke." I was humiliated in front of all my peers as well as the adult men supervising the crew. I didn't just want to disappear--I wanted to die.

So Bryan, that's just ONE day from my life growing up. EVERY day was a variation of that humilation. Even at times in college. And I didn't do anything. . .never provoked anyone. . .never gave anyone a look--I simply existed. I'm white as were 99% of the population where I grew up--it wasn't racism. It was me.

Scott

first off its Brian....not Bryan

second...your not much different from me

Im 37...married...have ZERO friends...no hobbies other than raising a 3 year old.....backed into my fathers hydraulic business.....and have been battling depression since I was about 12....anxiety for the last 15 years and now ADHD

I failed socially too....never had any friends other than the one I had a homosexual affair with and that ended that friendship.....never dated a girl until I was 26......(I'm married to her now)...

I was a surrogate parent (parents divorced and I took care of mom)while most kids were off at college

so Ive never felt normal either

but Ive learned that your dealt a hand and you can either play it or fold it....

Im learning in therapy that everyone has "stuff" and everyone has
some complaint about this or that

I have good days and bad days, but ive never felt I wasnt a man

you said in your post you have a best friend....thats good

I have a brother I see twice a year and he only lives three hours a way

anyway hang in there......im starting to ramble here

We all are a lot more alike than anyone ever realizes

I wasn't on PC for quite a few days so this is late but I wanted to comment on Tymber's early post (that we were all urging Scott to conform, etc.).

I was in no way saying Scott needed to conform to male stereotypes, instead I was trying to offer a few simple things he could do to alleviate his anxiety. I agree that it would be better if this weren't necessary but since, in his case, he's having trouble I thought some simple short term options could be handy. Self acceptance should always be the ultimate goal but relieving stress is a good goal in the short term.

Cyran0

Well, as a man I feel great. I never liked sports, still don't ever watch them or play them. I do like cars and money.
I'm an entruprenuer and I love business. A true capitalist.

I'm a manager, have been in a supervisory position for over 20 years. I am a bit macho, I like biking/hiking and camping. I also adore women. I can't help it, I just think they are so lovely. I am a natural protector of women, children and those that cannot defend themselves. I enjoy debate and good lively discussion. I do not avoid confrontation nor, do I seek it out.

Currently I am under the "protection" of security at my company because an employee threatened to "deal with me" over a administrative issue that is 2 years old. Like I'm scared.....NOT! However, one never knows what a loose cannon will do. He's the kind of guy that would do ya in the back, so now I gotta have security with me until they get rid of this person. I suppose I could use it and say I'm too scared to come to work and get paid for staying home....hmmm, now there's an idea. Ah, it wouldn't work, most people know me and they know that wouldn't be me.

Anyway, that is how I feel as a man. pretty damn good.

Eric

passing a brew over to Eric.............

So let me explain further. I have a lot of anxiety, naturally, when I'm around men. Like yesterday walking my dog--on the path I notice three guys coming my direction and I just immediately tense up on the inside. Once I was in arm's reach, I realized two of them were women, and they were all half my age. . .yet I'm nervous. Drivers pass me and I feel like I don't measure up to the men. . .I'm at the grocery store and I'm so self-conscious of myself and hyper-aware of all the men around me. I know, I know they don't give a hoot about me--they're all just shopping. But I'm extremely aware that they are just naturally men and somehow I don't measure up. I notice two guys talking and I feel so inferior because it seems so easy for them. . .and it'd be so awkward for me.

My therapist encourages me to use what I know from Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and combat those negative thoughts. . .to remind myself that no one is better than me and I am fine with who I am. . .that no one is going to attack me (verbally) so I can just relax. . .that no one is judging me for who I am--they're just shopping or going about their business. . .But it seems like it takes a certain strength of character to begin to apply the CBT, and it's so draining to always have to gear myself up, to psych myself up whenever I'm around men, that some days, usually most days it seems, I don't have the ability to apply the CBT because I'm so inferior anyway, what's the point?

Scott

Scott;

Are you slightly built or short in stature? I'm trying to get a mental image of you so I can see where your vunerability is being projected. Can you look a man in his eyes as you walk by? Do you avert your eyes and walk with your arms close to your body? Hands in pockets? Head down?

The way you project yourself is important. Men have a way of knowing that they can imtimidate another.
Where you ridiculed by older men when you were young?
All these things can affect you without you even being aware if them.

50 guy,
You may have something there. No, I'm 6 feet tall. Yes, I typically avert my eyes. I rarely look at men in the eye. Just too hard. Something I'm consciously trying to improve.

Scott

Well Scott, you're a big enough fellow. I'm 5'10" and 210lbs of solid build. I know that I am an imtimidator so, I only use it to my advantage.

Remember this, you have just as much right to be on this earth as the next man. Practice looking into the eyes and then glance away don't look away or down just glance away at something else and then look back to see if the other man is still looking your way, chances are he won't be. If he is try the stare down method, look at center mass, it will look to him that you are not being agressive while still sizing him up. Mostly this is done subconsciencely without even knowing you are doin it. what makes you different is you are aware that other men are doing this toward you and you become defensive or, non confrontational. An alpha male type can read this quickly and if he is unsure of his own manhood he will run with it and try to intimidate you.

When having a conversation, look him in the eyes, shoulders square ,hand by your sides with your fingers curled in the natural, not a closed fist or hands folded in front and figiting your fingers. During the conversation, look away at times, come back to looking in the eyes and look away. Keep this up until the conversation is over.
You can acknowledge another man by looking in his eyes and nodding you head once and continue on. This is a way of silent communication between men. Kind of means I recognise your a man too.

I hope this can help you because you have every right to join the man conversations and be a part of the manhood
world.

Eric