grew up with insane dad

I didn't know where to post this. I am in my 50's and have suffered from obsessions and depression for as long as I can remember. My father was profoundly depressed and obsessive and I spent several years watching him just sit in his room.

For my whole life I have eitherf had his very same obsessions and panic attcks or feared them and engaged in phobic avoidance. I have done many kinds of therapy and spent five years in a mens group.

I am ashamed by his behavior. I shame myself in fearing that I am like him. Lots of medication makes me functional, sort of, but is there any escape...do others live under the shadow of a very, very sick father? Don

I havent had to worry about living like a dad who might of been ill or a bad influence, yet I do think we all are products of our upbringing.

We do what we see a lot of the time, so it is possible that you could get some of the same personality traits that your father had, but it seems from what I have read, you are doing better than he.

Welcome to PC!

my dad was an alcoholic and suffered with a few mental health issues. He was an eccentric man who had a violent temper. He was a good man though, but it took me a few years of therapy and understanding to come to realize that. I feel blessed by God that I was able to resolve most of my issues with him before he died about 6 years ago. He was complex and, like his "bad" issues, he had a lot of qualities and love too.
I suppose I would also say that his behavior was his alone and not mine. Tough to accept that as a kid, but I could deal with it much better as an adult.

well my brother and i grew up with a clearly insane man for a father... now he is in jail for attempted murder on me among other things... so is my mother
do i think i am like him? sometimes its what i fear that i will become like him... when i think more clearly i know thats not true. you are not your dad you are your own person...
and reaching out for help unlike your dad.
that alone already makes a huge difference in my opinion

I inherited my father's problems with anxiety and depression, and they seem to have been passed on to at least one of my children. It's definitely a disturbing legacy. Fortunately, I and my child live in an era where good anti-depressants are available to help--something that was not available until the final years of my father's life.

Best,
Arlington

Too bad we can't choose our parents (or maybe we did, who knows?).

My father was someone with lots of mental health issues and was an unhealthy influence on me. It will always be a burden.

It sounds like you are doing what you can with your situation. Perhaps you could try hypnosis if you haven't yet already. It's best, I think, if everything is brought out into the open and perhaps you still have some emotions that remain deeply buried.

Good luck.

Well, "insane" is more of a legal term that I don't like.

My father still refuses to grow up and take responsibility for living life to the fullest. He has been a severe alcoholic my entire life and I'm in my twenties. I do not think he will ever quit, and that is his choice.

We do not have much of a relationship because of it, as I'm sure you can imagine. He lives in another state which makes putting distance between us easy. He remarried a codependent wife after my parents divorced who buys his alcohol for him for fear that he will get angry and possibly hit her (I suspect, as that is how he behaved toward my mother).

I have no fear of becoming an alcoholic. I don't even fear my father dying, as I am well aware of the path of destruction that he is on and where it leads. My only real fear is of not living life to the fullest...

I do not think medication works well for depression long term (if at all). It can take the edge off of it sometimes, but unless you have therapy with an effective therapist and you actually take responsibility for change will it end. Depression is not a life sentence. It is curable.

I would suggest to stop looking to the past as you know what the issues are there. You've undoubtedly discussed them. I really don't think you will behave like your father since you are aware of his issues and I'm sure aren't eager to relive them.

Instead, consider as to how can you change the here and now and live more fully in the moment?

Do you like your job?
Are you in a satisfying relationship (if not, how can you make it satisfying)?
Do you like where you live?
Do you do things that are enjoyable?
What things would you like to do with your life? Visit any certain country, etc.?

My father has NPD (narcissistic PD) and a pretty lousy temper. He manipulated me, my family and others, and many of the times when he manipulated others I was there to see it, and from that, and from him showing/teaching me manipulation and crushing/damaging others. His father did the same to him, and as he did to my father, which did to me, a good amount of punching, etc... .

I'm still waiting, which should take 1-2 weeks or more for a phone call to take some personality tests for narcissistic and anti-social PDs. Also have schizophrenia, which isn't caused from the father.

Tread lightly calling a person insane. I have PTSD, Depression and Schizoid Personality Disorder. Admittedly, mental diseases as stated in DSM-IV-TR. But, I am not insane and unlike many using that term, have the papers proving my sanity.

Now the best part. Treatments have much improved in the past 20 years. Unfortunately, too much emphasis is put on to drugs to cure the problems instead of dealing with the problems causing the illness. So your outcome can be happier than your father's.