[lvas]

Hi, my name is Louis. I grew up in a single parent household in CA, with a mom who in reality was very self-centered and relationship oriented much of the time. I lost my dad to cancer when I was eight years old. My mom had cheated on my dad previous to this but was honest after the fact. When growing up, I had an excessive preocupation of myself, my thoughts, which were unusual at times, and out of control moods. I suffered mainly from depression during winter, and anxiety by spring. I was mis-diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder II and I later in my twenties. I am now 34 years old. Mainly I have obsessions and paranoia about the motives of others towards me. I find it hard to trust other people. I have had hallucinations of UFOs (or maybe they were real) and a preocupation at times with getting revenge on people that had done me wrong. At times I did this (alcohol and drugs seemed to fuel this behavior), and had little or no guilt about my negative actions. At least until later on, and then it was fairly shallow. I seem to really turn people off sometimes, but, I want to get better.
I have gone to AA for about a month and a half. For years I abused drugs and alcohol, but now want to come back to reality. Whatever that is. I often look in the mirror, and am upset when I see blemishes or a lack of attractive qualities. My mom always used to say,"Don't do that, you're being narcissitic". I guess she was right. What has mainly happened is tha I am so preoccupied with myself, that it is hard to find relationships. OR people find me difficult to relate to. This has taken a toll on my jobs as well. I have frequently been fired from jobs for interpersonal conflicts and lack of performance.
I wondered what anyone's advice is? What would you suggest? I don't want to continue to harm others, if that makes any sense.

Louis

[Rapture007]

Ivas, I am about to get my Master's in mental health counseling and currently intern at a psychiatric hospital. I am NOT a psychiatrist, psychologist, or licensed mental health professional, so please do not consider this a diagnosis.

If you are still having the mood swings (periods of depression and periods of anxiety), hallucinations, obsessive and intrusive thoughts, and are sober, this does not sound like narcissistic personality disorder. It sounds like you are preoccupied with yourself because of the problems you experience that result in a lack of relationships. If you are constantly worried and thinking about whether or not you are having hallucinations or whether someone is out to get you (paranoia), that is not narcissism. Narcissists think VERY highly of themselves and live their lives to the exclusion of others' needs.

I would suggest that you see a psychiatrist, be thoroughly assessed, and then begin treatment. Maybe even consider seeing two psychiatrists, so that you have a second opinion. From what I am hearing, it sounds like it may be another personality disorder or possibly schizoaffective disorder. Here is a link on psychcentral: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx4.htm

There is help out there for you, no matter what the end conclusion is. Just be proactive and seek out help. I wish you the best!