[Bossani]

Well, bear with me -______- please

I am a religious person. I believe in the Bible and what not, used to do drugs but got anxiety from guilt, and now am forever haunted by acute anxiety attacks and panic attacks, and am now forced to be "straight-edge" in which I don't dare sip alcohol, or do drugs. All of my other friends do, and I feel somewhat left out, but don't mind it. I am 18.

The Story:
I have this friend in which I got into a 4-way argument over another friends' relationship. Here's the quick shoot of the story:

A (friend) likes S (girl) and invites her to events and stuff. Eventually, A asks S out, but she breaks it off after like a day or two because she feels its not right. They are still friends, and A is still trying to connect, when B (other friend) is invited and introduced to to S. Now, B and S are dating, and B and A are really no longer friends the way they used to be. They are just friends that go to events and know eachother and talk etc now...

I think this is VERY screwed up. So, back to the 4 way argument, we argue between R (the friend in which I despise now who I used to enjoy), myself and two others.

Eventually, R starts to get really into the argument, and has been hanging around this other guy who is very analytical and narcissistic also. He feels like he has "the game" and claims he can read people like its nothing. Don't get me wrong, the guy is a good guy. He helps people and is nice, but is also a jerk and that's his attitude and he admits it: he's a teaser and is the "mean" person and just tugs and pulls on peoples moods.

Before the night of the argument, I have been losing great friendship with R, for I feel his attitude worsens, feel like he tries to act more intelligently, and in general his attitude worsens (just my opinion). After that night, the argument, R texts me "I just had a self-revelation".

Now, I have this fear. It's a weird fear. It's the fear of one of my friends might transcend into this anti-christ mindset. Yes, this is true. I've had this one friend that lied SO FAR, that he brought a videocamera to school once pretending to interview everyone, EVEN his close friends, so they can have a chance to be an extra in Resident Evil 5 the movie... He makes an elaborate lie that everyone gets paid a certain way if they are younger or older than 18... It goes on for months. Needless to say, it was one big lie, and he has a lying disorder. My friends and I feel it's a disease that he lies so much, and for what... attention? He said he did it to gain friendship with this girl that he lost the friendship with. To note: every one of his friends he had, is no longer friends with him, including myself. Everyone knows he's a fat-*** liar and no-one enjoys him. He's an attention ***** that feels the need to lie to gain attention, and to pedestal himself.

Back to this fear... I thought to myself, NO ONE in their right mind could lie like this without being influenced by something. I mean, why would someone do this? I felt like he would be the anti-christ that everyone so thinks is among us at this time.

This goes to my Narcissism and control personality: I don't want my friends being this way.

Now, back to friend R. When he said "I just had a self-revelation", this fear clicked in my head. I wanted to ask why he said this, and what he meant etc etc. Was he influenced, by let's say, Satan?

Eventually I prayed, and the next day it was revealed to me when he stated as he was dropping off someone while I was also in the car, "after the argument, me and my mom got into an argument, and I totally countered everything she had to argue, and basically won. I then wrote 7 pages of all the bad things in my life and what was causing my depression".

So now ever since, friend R has been texting weirdly (more nosily and feels like he needs to analyze / criticize anything I tend to say. He's in this stuck - argument mentality of the night of the BIG 4-way argument. Or so I feel...)

Now, I despise friend R. My mood worsens, I get angry, and am not myself when I am around him. Whenever he gets attention, I purposely try to not laugh at jokes, or do the opposite of him.

"Let's eat outside"
-->Me: "No, I'll eat inside."

It doesn't help that friend A, my really good friend who laughs at jokes and wants everyone to like him, laughs at R's jokes. I get angry and try not to laugh or w/e...

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A lot of this has been brought about being told about NLP, and analyzing etc.

NLP is Neuro Linguistic Programming, someone told me about it and I enjoyed every video of it. Look up Derren Brown on YouTube, and it's amazing at how people are influenced. I also learned about Rapport, the term in which you parallel someone else's personality to connect on a better level. Change your tone, mood, way of talking - to theirs.

All because of this studying, I analyze everything now. I now notice when friends try to gain attention. And when they do, I hate it. I know they are being fake or attention *****s.

For example, friend A and myself will be playing Rockband. When many others come over, friend A will start dancing and playing harder because he wants others to notice and laugh. I notice this, and hate it. All because of my analyzing skills. I can tell when people are fake now, and I catch myself also.

Just today, friend A and I, as well as others, went to this restaurant to eat. I get water cups instead of paying $1.50 for a fountain drink because you can easily fill up the free water cup with soda...

Friend A says to me "man your a badass, a genious". He may say that to me in front of others, and he does it also to my other friends.

I hate when he does it towards me, because I know I wouldn't like the attention being pedestalled onto someone else, so I'll say "no no man I'm not"...

Some people would be "Yeah I am a badass", I'm opposite. I guess that's me being anti-nacissistic.

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The funny thing is, as I've been typing this, I just got a text from friend R saying "idk whats been going on between us"
"you gave me attitude when i came over. idk why you didn't invite me over in the first place. and we hardly hang out. on top of that i just feel like dying tonight"

Anyways.... if you read this, thanks.