Maybe it's just me but I will assume many relate

Oct 25, 2013 at 11:59 AM

I went in forums when I first found out about myself to gain what others already knew and to see if I could relate. What's funny is that I have seen myself in so many others that write of their own issues and concerns. In fact at times exactly. However I get really frustrated when I see nons bashing and others who claim to have the same but seem so fake. As if they study books and discuss their findings here to act as if they are like us. Is this to fit in? To feel better for some reason as if they can relate as well? I cannot understand and I certainly get aggravated easily by them. I have spoken with quite a few people in the forums and found that we get along with people here that do have common grounds. That do understand our ways and work to somewhat tame the madness we have. I have spoken to nons as well who actually did not bother me, that came to try understand better although can they really? It would be great to see more going on here as I went to another site that we all have been just to see that the circus gets larger and larger by the day. I do find myself coming here in hopes that things are going on but honestly we all know that its very minimal here. I do see that we are increasing on the Ns coming in though and its obvious that the more "real" ones the better for us all(mostly). So let's make this our place for a better forum and not the circus that has happened elsewhere. The mods have begun to censor some of our writings so if we can keep others censored who are the above mentioned we can have a great place for "US". All in agreement say,"I".

Atypical_Disaster · Oct 25, 2013 at 12:14 PM

Quote:

I have spoken to nons as well who actually did not bother me, that came to try understand better although can they really?

Ironically, trying to understand "us" requires empathy that most people don't have.

Even the ones that try to understand can't really because they literally do not think the same way we do. Our cognitive style is entirely different than theirs. Our way of relating to the world is completely different from theirs. I don't believe in "true empathy" that nons talk about because I simply don't see how it's even possible.

Quote:

However I get really frustrated when I see nons bashing and others who claim to have the same but seem so fake. As if they study books and discuss their findings here to act as if they are like us. Is this to fit in? To feel better for some reason as if they can relate as well?

This frustrates the **** out of me too. Some of it might be trying to fit in, but I think that more often than not it's an issue of validation(or lack thereof). People want explanations for their behavior and so often none is given because most psychiatrists are more worried about what medications you're taking rather than what's actually behind your behavior/thinking/etc, so if they find something they sort of relate to in a book or something they seem to latch onto it even if the category doesn't really fit them.

Quote:

It would be great to see more going on here as I went to another site that we all have been just to see that the circus gets larger and larger by the day.

Yeah, I never bothered with even trying to post on the forum you're talking about. Too much **** to sort through and most of it is just morbidly unhelpful.

Quote:

I do find myself coming here in hopes that things are going on but honestly we all know that its very minimal here.

I don't understand why there's not more discussion here, there's about as many members around here as there are over at the circus.

A lot of the time I'm more worried about my schizophrenia than my NPD which is part of why I don't post here often. I've got more than one kind of "crazy", lol.

If you and others here keep posting maybe eventually others will start feeling like they can post too? I'm not sure how to solve this problem. I think this forum has a lot of potential though! I wish the nons would stay out though, it gets in my way. I get all excited when I see new posts here and then find out it's just some non going on and on about how horrible their N relatives are and it's like... there's other forums for complaining about N's in your life.

Oct 25, 2013 at 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Ironically, trying to understand "us" requires empathy that most people don't have.

Even the ones that try to understand can't really because they literally do not think the same way we do. Our cognitive style is entirely different than theirs. Our way of relating to the world is completely different from theirs. I don't believe in "true empathy" that nons talk about because I simply don't see how it's even possible.

Agreed 100%

This frustrates the **** out of me too. Some of it might be trying to fit in, but I think that more often than not it's an issue of validation(or lack thereof). People want explanations for their behavior and so often none is given because most psychiatrists are more worried about what medications you're taking rather than what's actually behind your behavior/thinking/etc, so if they find something they sort of relate to in a book or something they seem to latch onto it even if the category doesn't really fit them.

As well!!

Yeah, I never bothered with even trying to post on the forum you're talking about. Too much **** to sort through and most of it is just morbidly unhelpful.

And they think we're crazy LOL

I don't understand why there's not more discussion here, there's about as many members around here as there are over at the circus.

A lot of the time I'm more worried about my schizophrenia than my NPD which is part of why I don't post here often. I've got more than one kind of "crazy", lol.

Don't we all??

If you and others here keep posting maybe eventually others will start feeling like they can post too? I'm not sure how to solve this problem. I think this forum has a lot of potential though! I wish the nons would stay out though, it gets in my way. I get all excited when I see new posts here and then find out it's just some non going on and on about how horrible their N relatives are and it's like... there's other forums for complaining about N's in your life.

I was worrying I had some more issues as I too get excited to see new threads LOL!!!!

Atypical_Disaster · Oct 25, 2013 at 01:52 PM

Quote:

And they think we're crazy LOL

Hahahaha, I know right? I think everyone might have a bit of crazy, just different flavors for different people! Makes me wonder why people hate Ns so much. You'd think sociopaths would get more hate but it seems like we do! Lol, I don't get it!

Quote:

I was worrying I had some more issues as I too get excited to see new threads LOL!!!!

LOL so it's not just me that gets excited to see new threads! Then I get disappointed and frustrated because usually it's some non complaining or it's someone who thinks they're N but not really.

Oct 25, 2013 at 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

LOL so it's not just me that gets excited to see new threads! Then I get disappointed and frustrated because usually it's some non complaining or it's someone who thinks they're N but not really.

Ditto

ihatedepechemode · Oct 27, 2013 at 02:37 AM

Yes, yes, and I.

Forget about people understanding us. They wont. Or cant. Maybe both.

I dont post here because I'm so busy nowadays which is great. Staying busy keeps me out of trouble:-)

I rarely go to the circus anymore. Seems to be same people with different accounts or a select few who go on just to toy with people. (that is an issue in itself lol) I guess they will be here eventually. Some like to chase the Ns around to "manipulate" us. One thing I've caught on to is that they will ask a seemingly innocent qűestion to get us to talk about the condition or ourselves. Then they'll be like "Look! I manipulated the N to talk about himself"

LOL

Aladamna · Oct 30, 2013 at 06:09 PM

I've lurked a lot in those forums where people vent about the narcissists in their lives, which I've found helpful in learning to see the world from a non-narcissistic perspective, but I've never come across a place where self-aware narcissists congregate to support one another in overcoming our difficulties. I really hope you guys are the real deal - and accept me as the real deal too.

I'm curious which Myers-Briggs personality types the rest of you are? If you don't know, here is an MBTI test. I'm an INTJ (which according to that site is "strongly related" to narcissism, though other types can be narcissistic too) and I've found it useful to distinguish between which parts of my cognitive makeup are the INTJ-ness in me (which is supposedly the rarest type for a woman) and which parts are my narcissism. For example, there are times when I prioritize logic at the expense of feeling because I find that the feeling is short-sighted, and then there are other times when I'm being cold for no good reason but just because I haven't given any thought to how I might be able to make someone else feel better. The first part kind of coldness is just because of my Thinking preference and I wouldn't change that for the world, but the second kind of coldness stems from my low empathy, and I'm genuinely trying to work on that (a kind of "fake it until you make it"-rewiring).

Oct 30, 2013 at 06:18 PM

I used to think I could change and found it very hard to accept only modifying as a solution. The ways I feel now is that modifying our behaviors are the way to at least begin. I'm really not sure if I can rewire to be a different type but I do know I can step outside myself to adapt to something I wouldn't normally do. Hopefully your thoughts are correct as this would be easier one day to just be natural in doing so but I will say I am not so optimistic.

Aladamna · Oct 30, 2013 at 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underground

I used to think I could change and found it very hard to accept only modifying as a solution. The ways I feel now is that modifying our behaviors are the way to at least begin. I'm really not sure if I can rewire to be a different type but I do know I can step outside myself to adapt to something I wouldn't normally do. Hopefully your thoughts are correct as this would be easier one day to just be natural in doing so but I will say I am not so optimistic.

Thanks for replying! Well, I expressed myself badly - I actually agree with you that modifying is all that can be hoped for. That said, I find that I can actually be a decent and productive human being so long as I get continual positive reinforcement for it. So even though I'm still doing it for the sake of the affirmation, at least I'm doing it. And the more I do things for others, the more it becomes a habit to remember to think of what I can do. But yeah, I'm not claiming my wiring is being overcome - just modified.

Oct 30, 2013 at 06:34 PM

I'm all about the empathy conundrum....Somedays I am thrilled with myself because I actually act like I care....other days I couldn't give a f*** but it's much harder to hide then and I resent that I have to; which of course doesn't improve my mood.

Example: today a soon to be former co-worker comes in to bring some paperwork and she feels the need to sit in the chair opposite my desk because she knows I'm being layed off in a couple of days and she has always thought I was just a lovely girl....I smiled...tightly, when I really wanted to say, "exactly what do you think you'll accomplish sitting there looking all moony at me? I have things I have to do, I'll be fine if you 'll just get away from me. You stupid condescending cow."

Not the way to win friends nor cultivate meaningful enemy's. I finally just turned away from her and began working on the computer until she took the hint and got up. Somedays it's doesn't pay to be so 'wonderful' that people like you and think you're 'wonderful'...when you know it's all a sham you can turn off or on like a freakin switch.

Course the BPD has to make an appearance so I swing into depression a minute later.....jesus, with that kind of help I don't need sympathy.

Aladamna · Oct 30, 2013 at 06:52 PM

Quick reply before bed: You have my sympathy (really! I know how it is!) and I suspect you are an INTJ too? At any rate I recognize your thought processes only too well...

Oct 30, 2013 at 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aladamna

Quick reply before bed: You have my sympathy (really! I know how it is!) and I suspect you are an INTJ too? At any rate I recognize your thought processes only too well...

Interesting test, thanks for posting, but you are incorrect..slightly. I ended up being an ENTJ.

Facinating.

Atypical_Disaster · Nov 02, 2013 at 12:05 AM

For what it's worth I'm an INTJ or INTP depending on the day.

Nov 02, 2013 at 03:06 PM

Everything that I think on the topic has already been said. So I'll hold my tongue for now.

I'm an INTJ. I'm closer to the middle on the P/J & my introversion has been decreasing over the years... But I'm still mostly secretive & keep to myself.

Thorn Bird · Dec 27, 2013 at 12:15 PM

Why do you keep taking about Non's and you - we are not at war or are we - all I want to do is to understand and that it difficult when my partner rages and then physically abuses me for what! If I upset him then let him tell me I consider I am extremely empathetic - I keep staying with him because I love him and because I want to understand!

Jan 09, 2014 at 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aladamna

I've lurked a lot in those forums where people vent about the narcissists in their lives, which I've found helpful in learning to see the world from a non-narcissistic perspective, but I've never come across a place where self-aware narcissists congregate to support one another in overcoming our difficulties. I really hope you guys are the real deal - and accept me as the real deal too.

I'm curious which Myers-Briggs personality types the rest of you are? If you don't know, here is an MBTI test. I'm an INTJ (which according to that site is "strongly related" to narcissism, though other types can be narcissistic too) and I've found it useful to distinguish between which parts of my cognitive makeup are the INTJ-ness in me (which is supposedly the rarest type for a woman) and which parts are my narcissism. For example, there are times when I prioritize logic at the expense of feeling because I find that the feeling is short-sighted, and then there are other times when I'm being cold for no good reason but just because I haven't given any thought to how I might be able to make someone else feel better. The first part kind of coldness is just because of my Thinking preference and I wouldn't change that for the world, but the second kind of coldness stems from my low empathy, and I'm genuinely trying to work on that (a kind of "fake it until you make it"-rewiring).

INTJ as well!!!!

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Aladamna Junior Member Member Since Oct 2013 Location: Sweden Posts: 11 10 5 hugs given	Oct 30, 2013 at 06:52 PM #11 Quick reply before bed: You have my sympathy (really! I know how it is!) and I suspect you are an INTJ too? At any rate I recognize your thought processes only too well...
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Atypical_Disaster Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Nowhere noteworthy. Posts: 7,145 13 7,354 hugs given	Nov 02, 2013 at 12:05 AM #13 For what it's worth I'm an INTJ or INTP depending on the day.
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Anonymous100180 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 02, 2013 at 03:06 PM #14 Everything that I think on the topic has already been said. So I'll hold my tongue for now. I'm an INTJ. I'm closer to the middle on the P/J & my introversion has been decreasing over the years... But I'm still mostly secretive & keep to myself.
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