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MountainRunner
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Default Dec 24, 2015 at 07:46 AM
  #1
Some things I've been dwelling on since I've been diagnosed and have done some research.

As a histrionic, we seek validation/love as to who/what we are through others. do we not? So why is it that once we achieve that goal, we then do our level best to destroy the relationship?

I love being loved. So much so that I will give my all...just to then convince myself that I am not worthy of that love from my partner. I have finally realized that all of my long term relationships were destroyed by me.

Deep down inside, I feel that I am not worthy of the love given...

And it doesn't end there. I have done everything I can to maintain my level of fitness. I workout with weights and I run 20-30 miles/week. To what end? Why to be adored, of course. I am validated when I see a woman give me the once/twice over. I'm built, well groomed, charming/personable...And guess what...I don't believe it.

Talk about a disconnect. Anyway....enough for now, but that is what I'm feeling at the moment. Thanks for taking the time to read my friends.
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Default Dec 24, 2015 at 06:48 PM
  #2
So you (indirectly) make, or have in the past made, the “outside” situation about being loved conform to the “inside” feeling that you can't be loved, in order to avoid the dissonance feeling?

But you still want love and so you work very hard, consciously, toward something that you think/feel will help you get that goal?

Sounds like a treadmill!!
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Default Dec 24, 2015 at 09:11 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by here today View Post
...Sounds like a treadmill!!
Yep. In fact, I have in the past destroyed one relationship for the pursuit of another. I simply convince myself that my current partner no longer desires me and there is the justification for cutting the ties with current said partner for new partner. And the cycle repeats.
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Default Jan 02, 2016 at 03:21 PM
  #4
Cutting the ties. That phrase always reminds me of cutting the umbilical cord. I know this is gonna sound odd but do you have a younger brother or sister that came along and I dunno, to a child would that make the child feel like the Mother no longer desired you. That you weren't good enough. Sorry if that sounds really strange but could you be repeating the cycle in your adult life stemming from something that happened way back to a time you can't consciously recall. There's just so many variables and by that I mean it may not be a younger sibling, I guess it could be anyone that you feel your mother was more attached to but that stuff is hard to pinpoint when we're all grown up and always on the lookout to see who is attracted to us in the present rather than what took place in the subconscious in the past. Have you tried hypnosis?

Last edited by MissFiona; Jan 02, 2016 at 03:25 PM.. Reason: amendment
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Default Apr 30, 2021 at 12:57 AM
  #5
Sounds like Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder
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Default Jul 14, 2021 at 05:03 PM
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