[jjcox315]

So im new here. I hit up the intro thread. Dropped my intro, a few replies to other new users and headed here.

I feel the same way as Anonymous37864 whom im assuming wasnt Anonymous37864 before judging from some of the other posts I read here.

I dont want to relate to this point of view anymore. But i do. I feel like I wrote what that person wrote. My original introduction read just liked it until I realized I sounded like an hugh db. I want to not be this way. I want to get better. I want to care about others opinions.

I also just want to scream expletives and tell people how wrong they are about who cares what.

Im going to my first counseling session tomorrow for a consultation. I just want to fall in love and be happy. But when you act like I do you cant. My last girl friend was just like me except.. she was a girl.

I prayed so much for someone just like me then realized I hated how she treated me but couldnt get enough of her feeding my ego. Im a strange contradictory bird.

j

[Skeezyks]

Hello j: I recall reading somewhere (I wish I could recall exactly where) that being able to change oneself is the real miracle in this life. I bow to your determination to heal...

[here today]

Welcome to Personality Place, jj. I've been around PsychCentral a few years, around mental health "treatment" much longer. Also done a lot of research on my own.

I'm glad you found Anonymous's posts interesting. I did, too, though I'm more the opposite -- codependent, can take on others issues (to make myself feel better and/or be appreciated and/or feel superior?)

I hope you find therapy helpful. If you don't -- or maybe even if you do or want some pointers about therapy in general, the Psychotherapy forum here on PsychCentral has helped me understand and process some stuff.

For me, it's probably easier to relate to people with NPD on this forum, with text only, so the interpersonal snags and hang-ups aren't there so much. Why I, the "codependent" want to do that is another question. I think I kind of know but I still feel an alliance of sorts.

I'm very sorry that Anonymous left. I think he was/is very brave and provided information about what it's like inside to have NPD. That's something most of the articles by "professionals" don't do -- probably can't do because they don't know.

Not a lot of fellow NPD'ers posting these days -- you've probably also seen that this forum also attracts a lot of people who mostly want to attack people with NPD. Nevertheless, I learned a lot from Anonymous, maybe he learned something from me I don't know, and if you want to post some more here, who knows, maybe some others can join in and get a conversation going again!

[NothingPeopleDo]

I find it very interesting here and i'm glad I stumbled across this place. I look forward to recognizing myself more by reading what others have to say. I have done so already just by spending some time here. I hope I can help too, not sure if I can but i'll try. Wasn't sure if I was going to actually sign up but here I am. Sorry for the short introduction but it's all I have for now.

[NothingPeopleDo]

So I was thinking, is it better to accept who we are or better to try and change that? Not sure if the truth is what we're told. Who really knows? May be best to just be who we are, to proceed with what we are and to accept that being different is alright.

[here today]

My experience is that the only way I can really change who I may be in the future is to accept who I am in the present, as a starting point.

I don't think that DBT is supposed to work well for NPD -- it was developed by a woman who had had Borderline Personality Disorder, as I understand it. But a key principle in that therapy, which may work for any personality disorder or lots of other things, is "Acceptance and Change". "Radically" -- unconditionally, including the "unacceptable" aspects -- accept yourself and your situation. Then you can start to try to make changes, one bit at a time, if you want to. Taking the chance when you do that of how to deal with mistakes and failures, which (radically realistically) will be inevitable sometimes.

But you don't have to change. Yes, being different is alright. But if it causes problems for you then that may be a kind of push-pull on the question of change. As an example, for me, being different meant that could get me rejected by some people I wanted to please. Which was not alright with me, and that was a big problem/dilemma right there. If I couldn't change them, I had to change how I "was" with them or else how I felt about getting rejected.

There are very few people who have NPD who have written openly about what it's like from the inside. One guy wrote about it maybe 15 years ago and has gotten very famous for it, lots of attention, etc. But when I read his stuff I wonder how much of what he writes is what his audience expects and wants to hear. Possibly he doesn't know any better himself, lots of stuff conflicted and/or unconscious. But that's just how it strikes me.

So who knows what about who's truth is being told, and how much. What is your truth? That's a hard one, maybe. And maybe a good one to explore? And to accept what you find, if you can?

What I found very hard to accept in me may be very different from what you may find. It's definitely not easy and therapy may help but for me, it left me unglued with no help putting things back together. Finally, after many years, things may be getting better, but the warning needs to be put out there, too. The shrinks haven't known that much how to help, and they've spent the last decade demonizing narcissists instead of acknowledging their own ignorance. That's what I think is the truth, but who knows for sure?

[here today]

The narcissist-demonizing tide may be turning more reasonable? I tried googling "how to get along with a narcissist" and found this article. I especially like #5.

How To Deal With A Narcissist: 5 Secrets Backed By Research | Observer

[NothingPeopleDo]

Reading post by the anonymous one is intriguing. Why aren't there anymore posts? Seems very slow here, why is that? I can almost hear my own echo.

[here today]

Hi, NothingPeopleDo. Do you identify as someone who does, or may, have NPD?

If so, this forum is mostly for people like you, and this forum doesn't have any more posts because you all don't post more!

If you do think you may have NPD I wonder - how well you do get along with other people you might identify as narcissists, too? Is there anything that you think you might get out of trying to find common ground and strategies for living life better by talking with people who think and function pretty much the same?

Anonymous, in my opinion, was very brave posting here. There have been some other posts, including mine, but I don't have classic NPD.

[NothingPeopleDo]

Diagnosed NPD. So I can assume I do belong here.

[here today]

I just noticed that there are now 2 Anonymous posters. Anonymous 37864 was known as Underground and was the real deal, it seemed to me. Reminded me of my dad, who likely had NPD.

As you may have seen from some old posts, I was diagnosed PDNOS 7 years ago, mostly OCPD, some mostly covert narcissism, some extreme emotionality. My "agenda" here is that I'm old and my overall experience with therapy has been not very good. And I've really tried. OCPD people tend to do that -- obsessive, persistent, etc. That hasn't helped a lot either. So, logically (to me), it must be that the therapy for many PD's is lousy and if we, the patients, don't demand something better, who will. Or, something better may start from people with PD's banding together somehow. Or, maybe helping each other may end up being better than -- or a valuable supplement to -- therapy.

So, if there's anything you'd like to write about, I'll certainly be glad to read and offer what I can. Along with my own narcissism-related stuff. And maybe some others with NPD will join in.

[NothingPeopleDo]

Most days I am perfectly satisfied with myself and who I am. Accustomed to what I am is the best way to describe. Then there are days when I'm not happy with my inner self. The days that I see all the anger I hold on to, that I let consume me. This is the real me, the one who cannot allow happiness without a cost for others. This becomes so very frustrating, only on the days of self awareness. I know who I am and what I'm about. I also know that for so long these days were never present and all of the sudden they are. This makes for interesting thoughts to say the least. To take a step back and look from the outside in can be all too revealing for one to cope with. It can put many things that were once frowned upon into a new light. They say time heals, I say it can cause more damage than good as well. One can come no matter how new they may be and start something better. Playing with words. Thank you Here Today for creating the path to this.

[here today]

For what it's worth, the way you write is similar to Anonymous 37864. The light begins to shine in the darkness?

I cut off my darkness and tried to live only in the light of ideals. But that brought other problems because my dark motives still existed in me.

Things are maybe coming into focus now, more like pen and ink drawings than anything uniformly grey.

[NothingPeopleDo]

Maybe NPD had its ways to be similar to one another. I do know that when someone on top falls another is there to take their place. Right time right place for me.

[NothingPeopleDo]

Dark, light, it's all perspective.

[here today]

Originally Posted by NothingPeopleDo

Maybe NPD had its ways to be similar to one another. I do know that when someone on top falls another is there to take their place. Right time right place for me.

To me, all the anti-narcissist articles scream "one finger pointing out, three fingers point back". Maybe it's people's hidden, cut-off, unacknowledged, "bad" narcissism whereas people with NPD just embrace it.

As I said in some posts before you came, it seems now like I started "hanging out" here to "find" and own my narcissistic parts, even though I didn't exactly know that at the time. And reading where the now Anonymous 37864 was coming from helped me to "feel through" those places in myself.

If narcissism is so universally "bad", how did we end up with the President-Elect that we've got? How come so many people were energized by him, and his campaign? Lots of questions here.

It would probably be a sorry world if everybody had NPD. But NPD seems to me to be connected to some "survival" motives. So, for those who know those feelings well, thanks for sharing!