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Member
Member Since Aug 2015
Location: Mesa
Posts: 31
9 |
#1
As the title implies, I think I may be a Vulnerable Narcissist...
It's strange to have such a sudden realization after clicking on a video that got my attention on FB and then to post about it on this website which I literally haven't visited in years. The irony of it is, by doing this... I may be just feeding one of its symptoms: Self-serving attention seeking. Despite that I do believe I still feel empathy... when it's not clouded by my negative emotions. After some consideration, if there is a spectrum for said disorder, I would likely somewhere mid-tier. While I'm self-aware and can function somewhat normally when things are fine, but when the feelings of envy, resentment, jealousy, spite, etc arise when things don't pan out for me... when I constantly compare myself to others and go "why not me?" "why are things working for them?" "nothing goes my way it seems like, it does so easily for everyone else" "im suppose to have super high potential according to my parents, why do I struggle so much?" and so on. Heh... I even tend to find myself constantly looking in the mirror just like the whole old myth of narcissism began. So what does that mean then? Even if I'm self aware, can change my patterns, my behavior for the better? Or is it just too hardwired to my core? My brain? My DNA? Will I continue to think that I should be better and get frustrated & angry when life says otherwise and I blame everything from the universe, to the people around me, to my past, to God themselves? I don't know. I want to believe I'm not a bad person. I want to believe even though I may be sometimes self centered, that I'm still kind... or can be anyways. Or maybe... this might just be me crying out wanting things to be different. Either way... thanks for letting me ramble. Have a nice day. __________________ Find balance and equilibrium. Stand too close to the light will blind you, treading too deep in shadow will consume you. Take your own road, not the paths of conformity with the "illusion of sides". ADD/ADHD(Inattentive) - Adderall 30mg x2 General Anxiety Disorder - Sertraline 100mg Long-Term Depression - Wellbutrin 150mg x2 |
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MickeyCheeky, Skeezyks
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#2
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 28
6 |
#3
Even if you are a narcissist, it doesn't mean you're a "bad person."
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Member
Member Since Dec 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 51
7 |
#4
We all have something. It took me a long time to clear my head of all the things I found. I know it’s all still there but I can deal with it in a much more productive way. Finding out what I am was a true eye opener. Took a long time for my mind to work it all out but after the darkness cleared (became lighter) I am better off!! It’s both a blessing and a curse. We all got to this side of the street (whatever that street may be) from something in our younger years. I dealt with the pain, the imperfections and everything in between to make some headway. In no way am I perfect but at least I have become a better person.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,515
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#5
Sounds positive.
I'm still working at things, from the other side of the street, mostly. But I know the "N" side, too. I came across this tonight -- nothing to do with this forum, just my continuing struggles. "Self-love deficit disorder" -- and doesn't the guy look, in the video, like an "N"? All the bragging, etc.? His stuff does seem to have some merit, anyway, to me. But he's mostly still on the "All narcs are bad" train, too, ironically, if you see some of his other videos. Gee golly whiz, "can't we all just get along"? If anybody remembers that phrase. Find our ways to the center? Which is so blankety hard for me still. Glad in all the eye opening that you have the blessing, as well as the curse (I've certainly got mine, too), and that you could post your recent comment on the other thread. No self-love deficit disorder there! |
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TrailRunner14
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