[NothingPeopleDo]

So the welcoming is for my inner self. The darkness has found its way back or maybe never left and has crept out of its hiding spot. Either way I have an emptiness inside once again, the only feeling I have is numbness. It’s not the best thing in the world as I haven’t been this way for a very long time. I know the trigger and dealing with it now has caused this. Being open to who I need to be only turns to anger instead of understanding. In these times I see everyone and everything different. Part of the curse I suppose. Not trying to get to deep but I know some here will understand and I needed to share it with ones that would.

Thanks for reading

[Atypical_Disaster]

I do understand. Welcome back, it’s good to see you around again.

[here today]

I understand about an inner darkness, though the way it works in me may be different from you. I welcome you for talking about it, though I don't really like being around that mode of being in anyone, myself included. Still, my curiosity remains.

[NothingPeopleDo]

The numbness is getting worse. Seeing that I have other issues (alcohol) that I need to get a grasp on as well. Feeling the need for help.... Not very optimistic in this venture. Yup, this sucks!!

[Starlana]

Originally Posted by NothingPeopleDo

So the welcoming is for my inner self. The darkness has found its way back or maybe never left and has crept out of its hiding spot. Either way I have an emptiness inside once again, the only feeling I have is numbness. It’s not the best thing in the world as I haven’t been this way for a very long time. I know the trigger and dealing with it now has caused this. Being open to who I need to be only turns to anger instead of understanding. In these times I see everyone and everything different. Part of the curse I suppose. Not trying to get to deep but I know some here will understand and I needed to share it with ones that would.

Thanks for reading

Sorry to hear of your struggles, I hope we can be of help!

[NothingPeopleDo]

Hey Starlana (old friend) thank you, I hope so too.

[Starlana]

Originally Posted by NothingPeopleDo

Hey Starlana (old friend) thank you, I hope so too.

Friend you just need more constructive distractors. You cannot help who you are, nor should to want to. You're beautiful, you and many of the rest of us just see the world through different goggles. Alcohol removes our much needed filters and insights. Our impulses can take control. This can become distructive if we allow it. The battle is such. The battle to defeat our own destructive natures.

[NothingPeopleDo]

I agree, if I drink in social environments I can become “misunderstood” lol. I have agreed to not drink around new people cause it can become first last situation quite easily. I have moved to a different part of the country where people don’t have the same type of humor like where I came from. Different way of life is a bit of a challenge as well. I will say I have cam a long way from the past but NPD has made my life very difficult. Recognizing the traits that I have relied on only strengthens my weakness. Knowing I am not alway who I portray to believe was much easier to deal with prior to NPD diagnosis. Talk about skeletons in the closet!!! Anyway my life is a constant struggle with this. Be me and fall into what I was or try to be better and see how damaged I am. NPD is really the ultimate in insecurities and nothing more. Living a life as what we imagine is not healthy. Admitting faults, laughing at yourself, realizing I am human is not as easy as it should be. At the end of the day it’s nice to see others like me here. Although I do not come here that often I have been here for many years. I have had much success with dealing with my true self by coming here. For those that have been around I used to go by “Underground”, may bring back more memories for some, others none. Anyway, good to see that I still recognize many here. Thanks for reading!!

[Starlana]

Originally Posted by NothingPeopleDo

I agree, if I drink in social environments I can become “misunderstood” lol. I have agreed to not drink around new people cause it can become first last situation quite easily. I have moved to a different part of the country where people don’t have the same type of humor like where I came from. Different way of life is a bit of a challenge as well. I will say I have cam a long way from the past but NPD has made my life very difficult. Recognizing the traits that I have relied on only strengthens my weakness. Knowing I am not alway who I portray to believe was much easier to deal with prior to NPD diagnosis. Talk about skeletons in the closet!!! Anyway my life is a constant struggle with this. Be me and fall into what I was or try to be better and see how damaged I am. NPD is really the ultimate in insecurities and nothing more. Living a life as what we imagine is not healthy. Admitting faults, laughing at yourself, realizing I am human is not as easy as it should be. At the end of the day it’s nice to see others like me here. Although I do not come here that often I have been here for many years. I have had much success with dealing with my true self by coming here. For those that have been around I used to go by “Underground”, may bring back more memories for some, others none. Anyway, good to see that I still recognize many here. Thanks for reading!!

I think something that "normals" don't realize is that people with many PD's or mental Illness do not even realize that they are not "normals" themselves in many cases. It's not until it is brought to our attention that we are different that there is even an awareness. Therefore, we charge through this life thinking everyone is the same as us, and we react and behave as such in many instances.