Perceiving others as either superior or inferior

There is a young adult in my family who recently revealed that whenever he is in a social circle, he is first deciding who is inferior or superior to him. He thought for sure everybody saw the world this way, and was a bit taken back when I told him I didn’t. Is this a symptom of narcissism? Is there a problem with this view and a way to explain the reason why? Also, does anyone know of any good articles I might share with him to help?

This doesn't mean he is a narcissist. And if he is a young teen, they can still have a lot of strong narcissistic traits which is why they don't really test for that age group.

Quite honestly, often it's our educational system that instills this behavior. Who got the highest test score, who is getting higher grades, who's the best athlete etc., etc., So in all honesty this who is superior and who is inferior to me tends to actually be imprinted in how we educate sadly.

Thank you, Open Eyes. I wish there was something I could say to help him see how judgemental this outlook is, but then again, I think he knows he’s being judgemental and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. I guess being judgemental is a characteristic that I, ironically, am very judgemental about. I wonder, does he think he’s superior or inferior to me, and why. What values are he using to place these judgements? He also uses words like week and soft in describing some people. It just worries me. Is there anything I can tell him that might reach him?

I don’t know that I agree with you about the educational system, because it was just as competitive when I was growing up. I compare myself with others sometimes, but when I go in a room or when I meet someone, the first thing I’m doing is not deciding where I am in rank. It’s just the last thing on my mind. I actually go into a room and think, where’s a comfortable spot to be where I don’t have to socialize too much. And when I have conversations, I respect people’s opinions, without thinking of whether or not they are better than me. Now, that I think of it, judging by his arrogant and sarcastic attitude with me in conversation, he must think he’s superior to me.

Thank you so much for your input, and I hope you will write back

Just a little personal insight from my own personal experience.

I grew up with parents whose educational level was minimal & who basically had no drive to succeed at anything (at least that it is how it looked from my observation perspective) Because of that, I admired people who had their education & swore that I was going to get my degree & be successful. So I worked harder than the others in school who grades came easy to in order to get good grades. I had battles & blew off everything family (& my now ex) said to get my degree & have my career.

In some ways the battles I went through created that superior/inferior attitude internally in me & the people I did any socializing with were educated the same.

So I left my marriage & bought a farm. It has been a wonderful experience because it has showed me that common sense is just as critical (if not more) than an education. Lol....I only play my "degree card" when someone decides to talk down to me as if I don't know what I am talking about & they shut up rather quickly. Most around my rural location are highly educated but I think that is what I love about my community is that everyone is treated as equals with or without a higher education because we have something more valuable that draws us together as equals.
Sometimes it is only something people lesrn with time & experience. It doesn't always mean it comes from a narcissistic personality.

It sounds like you live in a really great community. I am hoping that this is something he will grow out of. Knowing, after thinking back on our conversation, that he sees my mental illness as a weakness, combined with his completely arrogant attitude towards me....I know now that he sees me as inferior to him, and this really grates on my nerves. I wish I’d said something to him about it during the conversation. I helped raise this kid! I know that I have nothing to prove. I just want to give him a kick in the bum!

Leo is beautiful. Mine is Toby. Always.❤️❤️

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Originally Posted by Terabithia It sounds like you live in a really great community. I am hoping that this is something he will grow out of. Knowing, after thinking back on our conversation, that he sees my mental illness as a weakness, combined with his completely arrogant attitude towards me....I know now that he sees me as inferior to him, and this really grates on my nerves. I wish I’d said something to him about it during the conversation. I helped raise this kid! I know that I have nothing to prove. I just want to give him a kick in the bum! Leo is beautiful. Mine is Toby. Always.❤️❤️

Looking back at my parents, with some research I now understand the causes of why they were how they were & also my now ex. That has helped me to put it all into perspective & not hold onto the hard thinking I had in my younger life. Understanding & knowing without labeling is the key but sometimes we don't learn that except with age. What my mom put me through when she was dying didn't help what I thought of her & only reinforced what I thought at the time (2004/2005) but I am in a totally different place with my approach to life now than I was then & have recovered from the PTSD issues in my life that were caused by what I went through. For me, time & good therapy was important in overcoming the thoughts & moving out of the environment that in many ways encouraged that kind of thinking

I know that my brother has a huge influence on him. They are seeing a lot of each other right now, but it is only temporary. I hope he will face some challenges or some experiences that give him a greater understanding.

Thanks!

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Leo is beautiful. Mine is Toby. Always.❤️❤️

Thank you. Amazing how certain ones of our furbabies become such soulmates in our lives. & yes ALWAYS