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VoNPD
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Default Nov 24, 2009 at 10:12 AM
  #41
Hi Barb, your story breaks my heart. I was in a similar situation with an N, but got out before the violence started. Our Counselor told me to RUN!

It's my experience that the only way to fend off an N. is with escalating legal action. Get your lawyer involved and get a restraining order and continue to block him from contact at all levels. Let the only contact (if you have to have any at all) be through the police or Judge. The financial penalties should escalate as well.

Godspeed, you are in my thoughts,
VoN

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HariKacanovski
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Default Dec 15, 2009 at 08:25 PM
  #42
I have been reading several articles about narcisissm and self-esteem and I am a little bit confused.
I believe that I am intelligent person, I have good physical appereance and I believe that I am capable of successing in every area I want to. I am aware that there are some flaws in my character and I am trying to repair them. I believe in things that are logical, rational and well documented,and I am always critical and realistic about everything that is not supported by logic and rationality. If I am wrong and if someone prove me that I am mistaken I will accept that. I respect all the people, and I believe that everyone has the ability to be successiful in his life if he has the passion, self belief and if he work hard to make his dream come true.I respect everybody, but I don't believe that everybodys opinion is true.It depends of the facts that the person is presenting. I have my morals, and I believe that my role is to become better in the arts I love and help the world become better place. I like to be admired and respected and I admire and respect the people that are good persons(want to help, are fair, respect others) and I don't respect the people that are agressive, selfish etc...I don't respect people because of their looking or other unimportant factors to me. I want to help people who need help and I don't hate people that hate me because of some reasons
I think that sometimes, people that have low self esteem say that the people that are successful, good looking etc, are narcisstic. But it is not always the case. I think that I have unlimited possibilites as every human being has them, and every human being that can overcome his limitations: (fear. negative beliefs, wrong morality, irational emotions, bad concepts) can develop his talents.
Im I narcisstic?
ps: sorry about my english
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Default Dec 16, 2009 at 08:30 PM
  #43
Hello & Welcome, HariKacanovski!

You raise an important point. Self-confidence and self-assertiveness are not the same as clinical narcissism or a "destructive narcissistic pattern." I'm glad for your success and desires to help people.

In this forum we're more concerned with "official" NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder as defined by the DSM (and its rough equivalent in the ICD).

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Default Dec 21, 2009 at 08:54 PM
  #44
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Originally Posted by Rohag View Post
Hello & Welcome, HariKacanovski!

You raise an important point. Self-confidence and self-assertiveness are not the same as clinical narcissism or a "destructive narcissistic pattern." I'm glad for your success and desires to help people.

In this forum we're more concerned with "official" NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder as defined by the DSM (and its rough equivalent in the ICD).

thank you for your answer sometimes people doesn't know what is the defference between narcicissm and self confidence
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Default Jan 20, 2010 at 05:17 AM
  #45
Sorry for what you are going through, Barb. We never know what life will throw to us next. My Dad was always that way, and at 80 he still is. Big gun lover, nice to the neighbors, hateful to his wife and children. He hid it well for many years, but it really comes out in full view when they start to lose memory, etc. My grandson turned 9 before Christmas. We sent him a birthday gift and Christmas gifts. Heard from him two weeks after the holidays. Our daughter did the same thing she did with the first grandchild she kept from us. We came back from church one day, and there was a message from the grandson. When I tried many times all day to call back, the phone was busy. I gave up and waited until after school one day when I thought he would be home. His Dad answered the phone and was not very friendly with me, but did put the grandson on. After two years of daughter not letting us see or talk to him, he doesn't have much to say. He doesn't really know us now. We have gone through this twice, now, and I am getting hardened to it. Maybe I shouldn't , but I think I am in self protection mode. You get that way.
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Confused Jun 26, 2010 at 09:18 PM
  #46
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That is pretty much what I have done with my daughter. Just cut it off!! There are always people who will not or cannot understand you, but sometimes we have to take care of ourselves. Others just see that sweet person who they don't know is getting ready to take advantage of them and use them for all they are worth! My daughter had only one friend, a Mennonite lady, who she has used to death. Now, this lady is catching on, and my daughter will find someone else to use, then disgard.
How on earth do you do it? I really feel the need to back off from my son. My spouse does not want me alone with him, gets verbally abusive, but he's my only child. Sometimes i feel so reponsible for his problems and sometimes feel like I should butt out of my adult son's life. He wont listen to anyone and is real frustrated we are cooling on him, meanwhile he has taken up with a couple of friends that are real bad news, doing drugs, and I cant do a thing about it. Very frustrated and worried. Afraid he will feel even more unloved and that will make him worse.
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Default Jun 28, 2010 at 06:40 PM
  #47
Everyone that loves DS has been used and emotionally wounded by him, especially his grandfather, myself and his ex. We are all aware he has this problem, I cannot think of how to tell him. I guess there's no point, since he will just lash out, and I'm sure he wont work on it anyway. I hate feeling so negatively toward him. Almost afraid of hime
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Default Dec 13, 2010 at 10:39 AM
  #48
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Originally Posted by skeeweeaka View Post
N's seek out people that they can manipulate, all to late, I see that now! Unfortunatley, my codepedency helped a lot because my exhusband is an N! He has hurt many, many people who loved and cared for him in his life but he has no remorse, he says that he somehow made it up to them all...except me of course!

N's will lie and lie and lie...they will steal from you and tell you to your face that it was YOUR FAULT! N's are disturbed people and can really make you feel insane and that you are the problem.

In this case, I don't think he even knows that he is an N, but he does know that he is very dysfunctional. He never completes anything! He seems to not have a grasp of who he "really" is and what he does to people. He always has to feel better than other people and dresses the part, he only deals with professional people. He has nothing to show for 48 years of his life...no home...no car...no friends...except for our dd and he has manipulated her to believe that I am the evil one...heavy sigh!

TJ


This does not sound like narcissism a all it sounds like passive agression,narcs dont bother with all these lies because it takes up too much energy
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Default Dec 29, 2010 at 03:23 PM
  #49
I think my husband has Narcissistic tendencies. To the outer world he comes across as a kind passive person. At home he is the complete opposite. I can ask something as simple as please take off your muddy shoes and he can argue with me for 5 minutes about why he has them on and why he is not taking them off. He has quite a temper and blames me for it. He never apologizes and claims to do nothing wrong. He wanted to go to therapy at one time to prove that I am the one with the problem. he complains about me to everyone he knows always leaving out what he says and does. Recently he came home from the Dr. to tell me he had an STD (not from me). He refuses to take a polygraph to prove he did or didn't have an affair. He has chatted to women online and said that he could do that because I was nagging him. He has said that if I divorce him that I will never have the children (we have 3 young children) and one way or another he will see his children daily (fearing I would have full custody). I feel like I am living with a monster and just recently realized that he may have NPD. He says I am crazy and the one with the problem. Help.
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Smile Aug 03, 2011 at 10:43 AM
  #50
Hi All,
narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) was first presented to me yesterday at my physiologist office visit. At first she mentioned it to where I bearly heard the word and then I asked what it meant. She gave me a brief description, enough to where I Googled that strange word!! I began reading about myself. I am 68 years old and never have really gotten along with too many people. I have been told I have PSTD and I am thin skinned and can't take any ribbing or ridicule to any degree without becoming "Blustery" as my physiologist mentioned to me yesterday. I have been reading on the website before entering this forum about the symptoms. Out of 9 possibilities I have 4 that rings bells and those are my goals to improve on. And they are:

5. Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
7. Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

I really felt like a sheep being lead to the slaughter house when my wife and I went to the physiologist office. However when she mentioned I had narcissistic personality disorder, that immediately got my attention. That is why I am here now seeking answers, so when I have encounters with my immediate family there will be no more "Blustery" outbursts!!
Thanks for listening and comments are most welcome!
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Smile Aug 03, 2011 at 02:44 PM
  #51
Hi babyfairyfifi,
Lack of Empathy, is a protection tactic of the inner child. If I don't care, then my inner child will not be hurt. That is one area in my life that I was never aware of until recently. I could say "Blustery" statements to my wife and kids and all I have been doing is instilling fear of me in them and driving them away. I have been recently diagnosed as having NPD. At first "who me?" However, I needed to look at the history of my behavior. Not so nice. Picture if you will the scene in the Wizard of Oz. He was "Blustery" and expounded fear to all who approached him. It took a dog to pull back the curtain, exposing a really scared man that was creating this big bad persona! I have found in my journey that if I can put a handle on the cup, I can over come that obstacle and learn from past and current errors in my life.
Empathy is love, caring, and understanding of the other persons feelings.
Lack of Empathy is like dealing with a Great White Shark. I very much want to change that persona of me.
Griffy2


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Originally Posted by babyfairyfifi View Post
Does anyone else know a Narcissist who clearly lacks all empathy but hotly disputes this , and claims to have masses of empathy?

My mother has NPD and has alienated everyone around her. At one point, last summer, she had successfully cut out everyone except her dog and her hired help .

She has damaged my father ( who has never had a relationship with another woman since divorcing 35 years ago) she has just buried her second husband ( who committed suicide after a very dramatic row with her) she stopped talking to her own mother 10 years before she died and told me to stop being silly when I was upset when she died, citing her reasons : Dead is Dead. She disowned her sister and two brothers, myself and her grandchildren. Only my 30 year old half sister remains as her sole source of Narcissistic supply ( in exchange for financial support).
I have had to consciously protect myself from wanting a relationship with my mother as I know it only leads to pain and drama. Unfortunately that means sacrificing my relationship with my sister too.

I'm sad to think she will die a very lonely and sad lady.
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Smile Aug 08, 2011 at 05:48 AM
  #52
6:42 AM 8/8/2011
Since my last post I have come to find out this area is not very active. Since my Therapist recommended I look up narcissist I have found out there are a lot of us people out there with the same disorder! That of course is no excuse to continue on with the past behavior. Just knowing what the symptoms are I can and will make adjustments and be for ever vigilant not to repeat the same behavior in present time and in the future when stressful situations arise. I surely hope I will be getting or receiving some feedback about these comments.
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Crazy Aug 09, 2011 at 09:15 PM
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OMG, this sounds like my sister. She IS reasonably successful-she is a high school English teacher-but she is manipulative, talks down to people, preys on weaknesses, etc. She is also on her 3rd marriage (at 37)

It is exhausting to deal with her. Truly freaking exhausting.
I cannot think of a better way to explain than truly freaking exhausting. My ex-husband was sheer hell, and now I am dealing with my daughter who is a classic npd. And it is turning me into a classic nut! She excells in making all around her miserable. She constantly manipulates anyone at anytime, not caring about the people who try and help her. She never holds a job for any period of time, is a chronic blame game player. Lies and only regrets doing so when she is caught. I have kicked her out(she is 26)and although I felt like the worst parent living, it truly liberated me and now I have no compassion nor feel any guilt when her abusive behaivor rears its ugly head and I know now that in order to maintain my sanity I need to meet it head on and be practical and not emotional, for that is what she thrives on, the drama she wreaks. I have grown tired of her empty 'I Love You' words, for this is not what love is. She only says it so I say it back and then she is ready for the kill again. I no longer care about her life and the events surrounding it. I do care about my grandson, however, and that is where she thinks she has me.
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Smirk Aug 18, 2011 at 12:00 PM
  #54
12:45 PM 8/18/2011
I was sitting at the computer, stressing out about how my life is going. I then decided it was time to do something exhausting, like rototill the crummy lawn!! Well, I got out the rototiller and started and the machine kept stopping. I took it apart and by passed the kick off switch and WA LA! the machine kept on tilling! I was thinking and getting a great workout and did get exhausted! When I was done I was a pool of sweat and sat down on the back deck to relax and fell asleep!! Now before that I was "Mulling the dump" of my mind and just couldn't find a remedy for how I was feeling at the time. After the exhausting workout and nap afterwords I no longer was mulling the dump! It has been suggested that I have NPD, however not officially. So when I feel like coping an attitude I remember to put myself in a centered posture and what ever is thrown at me I will not lash out in anger, however I will respond non aggressively.
So I looks like I am going to be doing alot of rototilling!! Griffy2
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Default Mar 24, 2012 at 04:27 PM
  #55
I have just recently been researching narcissism and relating it to my son's behavior thru the years. He has recently alienated his siblings again - I'm wondering how to help him see the reality of his behavior...he turns a situation around so it is never his fault, always the other's. I would like input on how to talk to my son about narcissism - how can we help him?
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Default Jun 21, 2012 at 05:49 PM
  #56
So how do you get a Narissist to get help when they think they are better than everyone else, and that everyone else is wrong?
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Default Jan 10, 2013 at 10:35 PM
  #57
I believe that my foster mother was a malignant narcissist.

She was very controlling, preferring to manipulate and use vulnerable people to her advantage, she would make other people feel weak and inadequate, and herself far superior because she had an over grown ego to fill. She lacked the ability to empathise and liked to scream and shout commands at others.

She was a viscious tyrant and as a child I saw her slam a car door into her friends head, I believe an injury like that could potentially kill. I also at the age of 11 had to dodge glasses of water which she threw at me just for saying I felt sick. She would scream at me on many occassions when I was aged between 11 and 14, that if I failed my school exams, I would have to resort to prostitution to survive and these shouting matches would go on until she frothed at the mouth. She believed she was above the law and hated the police because the police had the authority to tell her what to.

Consequences happen to others not herself.

She liked to be the centre of attention, she liked an audience and when her friend's family came to visit she would start meddling in their lives too. When I was in my early 20s I told her in a letter that I wanted no more contact with her and I am glad to say I have not seen her since. I truelly believed the woman was mad, as mad as a rabied dog so I did not tell her the real reason for me cutting her out of my life was to protect any children I may have in the future.

Sometimes I get flashbacks of my childhood, and I have some visualisations I use which render her harmless in my mind. I will not post details because these visualisations would probably get me sectioned and I would not like to upset anyone, but they work for me and keep me sane!

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Default Feb 16, 2013 at 11:36 PM
  #58
I've just realized that I am a narcissist. I fit some of the horror stories on here and I destroy my relationships trying to get them to attach to me. And I idolize celebrities and dream all the time about being "big."

But I have almost no skills and basically dropped out of college. I'm struggling to finish my degree and while I study I still constantly fantasize about writing books and being famous or just about impressing people.

Is there any way to treat NPD? What can I tell my therapist to find the best treatment?
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Default Apr 28, 2013 at 11:18 PM
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I'm hesitant to get involved when I read posts wanting to label someone with narcissistic disorder. Especially reading such comments as having to deal with it since they were a child, makes me think, can a child be born narcissistic? I mean apart from the normal state of narcissism we are born into? I wonder at times if perhaps the pattern is continuing into the child's adulthood? The family only seeing the child as "using" the rest of the family when infarct a child will of course need to "use" family as thats what children do until they mature and learn that others are people too, but to expect that from a child, well is pretty near-sighted and narcissistic in itself? Perhaps if there was real genuine family concern, one perhaps would want to look at ways to help the family member rather than just label them? Or are they at a stage where they themselves don't know what to do, are unable to think through any more? Or where they always at a stage where they were tired of the family members wants and needs and didn't want to even begin to think through issues with the family member as they arose? I get the impression a lot of people want to be thrown the narcissistic label like a life belt and then they can claim "victim status" and fill secure in their own minds they were the ones being done too and not the ones that did too also? Perhaps we all in this together and more compassion and understanding may change the pattern that I see repeated often. Of course this are only my own personal feelings on the matter, some who have a genuine interest in wanting to understand another may agree, or others that have no real altruistic desire will just dismiss all of what I say, because it suits them for it to be like that.
I agree. I would say that as young children what people see are the effects of insecure attachments, at varying extremes, and those issues, if not resolved, can sprout such a broken psychy that as adults they have progressive issues. Narcissism runs in families. Its both genetic and environmental. If someone has sufficiant insecure attachments that are not resolved, they can develop depression, anxiety and physical ailments. Up the disfunction in the child's world and things become more extreme. Usually, abuse by a narcissist has the POTENTIAL to create some of the most troubled souls: boarderling, narcissism, histrionic/antisocial and schizophrenic personalities or traits. Dissociative identity disorder is also common if the person was neglected or abused before the age of two. To say, "they are selfish and manipulative" and concider it narcissist personality disorder is ludicrous and harmful. Reactive attachments are the effects of abuse. Why blame a child for being victimized? Why play the victim yourself? All bullies are victims too. Be proactive instead of reactive. Quite blaming and scapegoating because that's what the narcissistic family unite does by reflex and habit. Be aware of your own too....

My whole family are varying shades of the narcissist spectrum. Both my parents were as well. I have, under extreme stress, boarderline and narcissist tendencies. I am co-dependant, married to a bully, have a narcissistic son, a antisocial (histrionic) daughter, a son who pulls out his hair and I'd passive-agressive, an uncle with schizophrenia and two cousins with bipolar. Dysfunction comes out in a mired of ways ...
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Default Apr 28, 2013 at 11:46 PM
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As time goes by, I am getting used to my daughter not being around, and not seeing our grandson, who will be nine soon. Her first child was a calm little boy who would call us and cry and cry, and want to talk to Papaw when his Mom got crazy and controlling. Her second, the eight year old, has been crazy since birth, crying and running and out of control. The stepsons she has have been nothing but trouble because she was really angry and horrible with them. One of them has been in prison twice. The first child is now living and has a child with a woman older than him who had two children already. We have tried to help him out at the start, but to no use. They live in a horrible and dirty, dirty place, and just don't care. The kids jump on the furniture and it is all broken down to the place where you can't even sit on it without springs poking you. The kids tore down the curtains and they just hang lopsided. The last time we were there, there were two lab pups running around peeing and pooping on the floor, and the baby was walking through it, dropping food on the floor, and picking it up eating it. The place is too small and they just don't care. The young woman stays home with the kids, who all three have different fathers, and does nothing . I told hubby that I can not take looking at it any more, and just can't go visit. This is a result of a mother who is narcissistic and controlling. My son in law is so scared of my daughter, that he just is passive and has let her abuse his sons, and hers. I just stay away.
No children's protective service in your state? I called CSD on my daughter after my entire dysfunctional family and I tried to help her gets her crap straight. Now I'm trying to persuade her to let him be adopted by the family friends my grandson is placed with and ensure stability for him. My son (a narcissist in therapy) called CSD too after witnessing some horrific abuse. I love my daughter but I'll be damned if I let her do to her son what her biological F did to her! You need to turn those idiots in, not abandon their children to endure such appalling neglect!
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