Intrusive thoughts about celebrities won’t go away. PLEASE help me out!

Hey, before I start please don’t judge me on this one, thanks
So I don’t have friends, and I feel more comfortable watching celebrities-feeling like my friends.
Basically I will be straight headed, this is disturbing for a really long time I just wanna die.

Basically there is this youtube content creator, and I had this thought- it happened out of blue. I don’t even know if it happened anymore, but I am pretty sure ye, cause I am obsessing about it. So I genuinely like this content creator, I would never hurt him. Because I really admire him and he inspires me.

So the thought was of me sniffing his underwear. Gosh, I don’t know what to think, am I okay, crazy,insane? Or other celebrity doing the same to me. I just feel so extremely bad and guilty. Whenever I watch his videos, I feel horrible, he probably doesn’t even know someone has these thoughts.

I am 14, he’s is 7 year older than me. I feel even worse. I just don’t know what to do Do other people have these thoughts? Would anyone have these thoughts? I feel like from female perspective, it’s even more disgusting.

I just can’t. I’m scared, what if I meet him IRL somehow and he doesn’t know that I had this thought. More I tried to force it away, more comes. My body started shaking, and trembling. I don’t have money for therapy. What do I do? Appreciate every opinion:3

Dear veronicmh,

I am sorry you are feeling badly about this although it is very understandable.

I visited a psychology forum awhile back and the kinds of things you bring up were the most asked questions on that forum so I think it must be quite common and universal and not something rare or abnormal.

I was once extremely obsessed over a celebrity and the obsession engendered a lot of surprising and even shocking thoughts and feelings in me.

A wise person told me that I should pray for the well-being of that celebrity or if I was not a religious person that I should just send kind thoughts to that person in my mind. The idea was to transform my experience into something beautiful and noble.

The brain is so mysterious and seems to have a mind of its own. Beating it up mentally never seems to be good for it or for the person doing it. I think that whatever our brain is doing to us, that it is always possible to transform it into something beautiful. I think this helps with self-esteem too.

Consider this analogy . . .People often use animal fertilizer to grow beautiful flowers. I think we all know where animal fertilizer comes from. It isn't very nice and doesn't smell good and yet it can be used to help beautiful flowers to grow and bloom, flowers that are colorful and fragrant. I don't know, but I think it is often possible to transform things that perhaps we feel bad or guilty about into something good and beautiful.

Even the attempt to do such a thing, even if the attempt fails, is something very beautiful.

From what I read on the other forum, I think there are so many people who have unique experiences and sometimes troubling experiences about celebrities. And if 1,000 people with these experiences share them on forums, just imagine how many people have the same types of experiences but do not share them.

You are clearly a good person who is experiencing something you did not ask for, something your brain is doing to you. We are all sometimes victimized by the strange things our brain engenders in us.

My English is not very good and I fear I have been worse than unhelpful to you in this situation. I do hope others here who are struggling will see your post and respond with something really helpful to you.

I think you are very heroic to share your experience as it will help so many people who read posts on these Forums to feel less isolated and alone with their own experiences. And that is a wonderful and beautiful thing you give all of us

I wish you only the best!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Wow, this means really a lot to me. You have no idea. It makes me feel better that I am not only one like this. You are amazing person, and your English is really good, don’t worry!
I appreciate this a lot!
Have a great night/day!