[ariellah89]

I am completely stunned.
For years I have gone from therapist to therapist, each one presenting a different "idea" for why I am the way I am. For example, Bipolar 2, Major depression, general anxiety, even borderline personality. But none have them have fit extremely well, and I felt that there must be some reason or explanation for all of my issues. Someone mentioned OCD (not a T) and I thought about that and went on the Wikipedia page for OCD, just to read about it in general.
It was like reading my personal thoughts on a web page.
I'm not self-diagnosing, but I just need to know from people who can relate if these seem like OCD behaviors:

-I constantly have intrusive thoughts: physically harming myself in peculiar ways, even bizarre sexual intrusive thoughts (that make me feel completely sick in the head), especially like planning out crimes or horrible things without even thinking about it, then realizing what I'm doing and am horrified with myself (I would never act on these thing)
-I make "bargains" in my head, like: if I think about every possible bad thing that could happen to people I care about, then they won't happen
-I can't walk up staircases that you can see down multiple floors without staying up against the wall (the staircase "will collapse" if i look down)
-If I walk alone at night, I am convinced someone is waiting to jump out at me from the bushes
-I have complete health-phobic issues, constantly convinced that every pain or twinge is something serious (I constantly have the feeling of not being able to breathe properly, like something is wrong with my lungs)
-I get scared every time I take a shower or drive (had a seizure in the shower when I was younger, and recently had one in a car)
-I make "bargains" about my anxiety with showers and driving, saying to myself that if i imagine it happening, it can't happen
-Every time I take medication I worry about the side effects and it's effect on my body, usually end up not taking it at all.
-I get weirdly scared/paranoid of people.

Sorry for the ridiculously long post, I am just needing some feedback right now!! I feel like I am freaking out!
I also took the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsion Scale and got a 22.
Please help!!

[gimmeice]

I can relate to some of the things you have listed and I have OCD, if it is a concern to you maybe you should bring it up to a t or pdoc, they are the only ones that can accurately diagnose you.

[ariellah89]

Originally Posted by gimmeice

I can relate to some of the things you have listed and I have OCD, if it is a concern to you maybe you should bring it up to a t or pdoc, they are the only ones that can accurately diagnose you.

Thanks, gimmeice. I have told my T about this and we're both very excited that we could be "getting to the bottom" of this. I would love some input of different methods of therapy or medications that seem beneficial, if you have any suggestions. Thanks for replying

[larakeziah]

Hey ariellah!!! I too can relate to some of the things you mentioned along with some others!
I have OCD but fortunately its not my main concern at the minute! I PM'd ya back by the way!! hope u are ok!!!!
Hugs!!!!