[mad molly]

firstly let me apologise if some feel they have read this story before.... it is actually in the new members forum... i feel however that maybe more people will see it in this forum who may be looking for storys that i am sharing....

im 38 and all of my life i have had what i can only describe now as ocd, with maybe a touch of aspergers syndrome... ive never felt like it affected me much, until now... my daughter, who is 4 is in the process of being diagnosed with dyspraxia/sensory processing disorder.... now this is where my ocd has became a problem...

with my daughters condition, she is very untidy, will only wear certain clothes, wont have her socks pulled up, when painting, she literally splodges paint absolutely all over the place, she cant use knife and fork properly so food goes everywhere, she needs constant attention, she drops things all the time, loves making loud noises and going from one noisy toy to another until all of her toys are making loud kiddy noises.... now under normal circumstances, this probably wouldnt bother the average parent....

i am not an average parent.... my ocd/aspergers condition i am the exact opposite.... im very organised, cant stand mess or things to be torn, everything has to be colour co-ordinated, and neat and tidy, even down to the fact that it really disturbs me when my daughter is colouring in pictures and just grabs any colour, i find myself always saying to her "dont use that colour use this one", ... i know i sound crazy and like a really bad mum... her constant attention needing is really difficult for me too as 80% of the time, i need to be in my own little world... again i know this sounds really selfish of me.... certain noises drive me totally insane, toys crashing to the floor, things being dragged across the floor, even people eating crisps, or cracking their fingers, eating noisily etc... so trust me, when all of my daughters toys are all playing at the same time... i feel like running away and never coming back ....

anyway to cut a long story short, having spoken to her educational psychologist and occupational therapist ive been given ways to help her cope with these things... such as encouraging her to be creative with glue and paints, stickers etc etc... (my need for perfection and uniformed symmetry so to speak wont allow me to let her get on with that)... ive been told to encourage her to help me with the housework .. (an impossible task for a parent with ocd)... encourage co-ordination using building blocks .. (the sound of anything falling really distresses me)... give her lots of one to one attention... (my need for my own little world gets in the way of that too...

think i need to stress here that i do have a brilliant partner, who is ready, willing and able to do all of these with her.... he literally cant wait to get started on it, so our precious daughter isnt in any need of child protection or anything.... but i want to get to where my partner is... i want to do all of those things with her... i love her so much, she is completely adorable, so loving, totally gorgeous, that it breaks my heart that i cant get involved.....

i probably sound like im talking a load of confusing nonsense, hope someone out there can relate to it or even reassure me that there is help out there to help me overcome my stupid disorders so i can give my 100% attention to my princess.... ive actually played down my ocd a lot as there is too much to say about it... im a living nightmare, trust me....

im going to post this before reading it through as knowing me, i will see something im not happy with and delete the full lot and start again and will be here all night...

hope someone can point me in the right direction so i can enjoy my daughters childhood, help her with her dyspraxia and sensory problems like a normal loving mother should... rather than dread the whole process....

thanks for reading

[SilverNeurotic]

There is help to minimize the effects of OCD, I think it's crucial that you get help for it so you are able to fully help and more appreciate your daughter for who she is. Good luck!

[perpetuallysad]

That sounds really frustrating. But I think you've done a good thing recognizing that you do and want things that your daughter cannot do or want. Just this step is huge. If your partner is willing to take over these difficult tasks, let him do it. You should consider going to a psychiatrist/psychologist. There are techniques that you can learn and medications you can take that will help you to deal with OCD.

I understand though, I really do. I get very agitated by noises and can barely control myself when I watch other people do things (like my son drawing, or something like that). I try very, very hard to not tell them what to do and MOST of the time I'm successful at keeping my mouth shut, but sometimes I flip out, other times I just repeatedly suggest whatever I think should be done until it gets done.