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Where the HELL are we?
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: So Cal
Posts: 3,342
15 29 hugs
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#1
I can't stop!!!
I have severe PTSD/DID with OCD traits. (I may actually have OCD to a certain degree...just haven't been officially diagnosed) So....ever since I was a kid I was either biting my nails, picking the skin on my feet, ripping off my toenails, and picking at scabs. A few years ago, I started cutting. I went nuts with this for a bit, but have been able to curtail it to where I can go months without slipping up. BUT....I pick like crazy now!! Since stopping the cutting, I dig and pick and pull and scrape. Now my T is realizing just how big and issue it is for me...and she's cracking down. She wants to stop it because it's self harming. The more she says we are going to work towards decreasing the behavior....the more my anxiety grows. I just can't stop!! I sit there telling myself not to pick that....but I don't listen. It's seriously like I can't listen...if I don't do it...then I refocus for a moment until I'm not paying attention anymore and next thing I know I'm picking without thinking. I guess parts of me don't really want to stop. But at the same time....it feels automatic...like I can't control it. If I can't pick...and I can't cut, and I can't bite, and I can't eat, and I can't burn myself.....what the hell am I supposed to do with all that disgusting energy that makes me feel like I need to hurt myself or I'm gonna explode inside. This doesn't feel like it can get better. And I'm scared it will and that it won't at the same time.... __________________ |
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DfendrOfEmilysHeart
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Grand Member
Member Since Dec 2009
Location: Up So High I'm Touching The Stars
Posts: 580
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#2
You're not alone in this. I pick as well. I know it's hard to stop. In fact I have just started pulling the skin off my thumb again. I never thought I would, but that's life, I guess. Unpredictable.
__________________ She's all alone again Wiping the tears from her eyes Green Day - Extraordinary Girl Thanks for the photo ZilchHour |
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Elysium
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feeling very alone
Member Since Jun 2007
Location: Lost in thought
Posts: 6,437
16 18 hugs
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#3
*hides*
I have never told anyone this before, but I am a picker too. __________________ It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.
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Elysium
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who reads this, anyway?
Member Since Oct 2006
Location: Appalachia
Posts: 9,968
17 |
#4
Find alternative activities for your hands: apply fingernail polish to fingernails and toenails, rub lotion all over your body, paint a picture, brush your teeth, pet your cats, bathe your cats
When I am particularly stressed I have similar problems. I know what you mean about it being automatic. It's something that takes no thought and often I don't realize it until I see the effect. __________________ The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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Elysium
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Pandita-in-training
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
(SuperPoster!)
17 550 hugs
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#5
After I was in therapy for quite awhile I quit worrying about symptoms and concentrated in trying to understand and work with underlying causes? I bit my fingernails until I was about 53 years old and then it gradually stopped. I finished therapy when I was 55. I imagine therapy and resolving issues had a lot to do with a lot of my behaviors/habits/symptoms as I don't consider myself as having very many I have to get rid of.
If it makes you anxious to think of picking, then work on something else that might impact the picking. You can do some substitution; I'd wear socks most of the time so I wouldn't pick my toenails/toes. My stepmother tried everything with my problems, both fingernail biting and toe/nail picking; made me wear gloves out to play (made me very popular with the neighborhood kids as you can imagine), once even tried to spray my hands black with spray-paint, getting it on my favorite blouse. She tried the bitter stuff you put on fingernails and ridiculed me, offering her own toenails for me to chew if I'd chewed my fingernails too far down or pulled off everything that could be pulled off my feet? Give it a rest/ignore/"allow" it. Your mind and body are doing their best to deal with overwhelming anxiety. Be thankful! I use to have really bad dreams and hated that until I realized that having bad dreams at night meant I could "function" during the day. It's always a tradeoff, something has got to give and nothing is going to get fixed quickly. Substituting is a good idea but just being gentle with yourself and then going after what is really making you anxious and conquering that worked better for me. __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Anonymous29312, Elysium
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Member
Member Since Dec 2009
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 64
14 |
#6
Comments - Graphics[/img] I am a former picker/cutter. Hang in there! The ONLY way i can stop myself from picking is to get fake nails. You cant pick ANYTHING with those darn things on! Plus, if you have tools that you use, hide them on urself. You cant find them then, and therefore cant pick. LOL If i cant find my tools then i cant pick. Try these tips and you may be successful too. I recently pulled of my fake nails and started to pick instantly. Needless to say, im getting them back on again asap. I had gone another whole month without picking, and have not cut in about 13 years. Good luck __________________ She comes on like a rose but everybody knows You can look but you better not touch Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin' Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound She's pretty as a daisy but look out man she's crazy She'll really do you in If you let her under your skin |
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Anonymous29312, Elysium, pondbc
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Member
Member Since Jan 2010
Posts: 94
14 |
#7
Quote:
I pick at my skin and scabs, and I pick my toe nails. I WISH so badly that I could stop. |
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Elysium
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Dragonlady of Pern
Chat Leader
Member Since Oct 2009
Location: NC
Posts: 2,821
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#8
Quote:
Now I don't really bite my nails, just the skin around them. I also pull out my hair. Sometimes I do both at the same time. |
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Elysium
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Posts: n/a
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#9
a couple of links you might want to check out...
http://www.stoppickingonme.com/bb/ http://www.skinpick.com/dermatillomania-information ((((((((((( Elysium )))))))))))) I'm a skin picker too... /SW |
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DfendrOfEmilysHeart, Elysium
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#10
Im a picker scratcher plucker chewer (6years ago it started when i was dealing with fear of parental emotional and physical abuse and control...and high levels of stress ) and although im back at it now... while i was hanging out with a mental health nurse friend and going to the beach each day one summer I stopped, and stopped for about 2months!!!! A MAJOR ACHIEVEMENT!!!
but cant figure out how it stopped? :s How Puzzling! |
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Elysium
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Posts: n/a
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#11
if im relaxed all i do is pluck... the rest can stop now when i chill out
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Elysium
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2009
Posts: 10
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#12
I was actually coming to this forum to write your very post. I have been so anxious lately and one of the ways it manifests is in the dermatillomania (also 'air hunger'-feeling like I can't breathe). The Picking is out of control right now. I am actually in pain. I do it when I am trying to go to sleep or relax. I can go YEARS without doing this, now I can't stop. I am on Wellbutrin and it helped for a long, long time.
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Elysium
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Member
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: alabama
Posts: 193
14 |
#13
hi, i too pick at my skin, also happens while reading,watching tv,whatever. i too am aware in a vague sort of way. when i know i am picking im like ''stop!" and it is TOO HARD TO. if i do stop i end up somehow doing it shortly after stopping. I suffer from severe scars since starting this 14 years ago, and have sense of shame. what does help???
__________________ In a mad world only the mad are sane--Akira Kurosawa The things we fear have already happened...Deepak Choppra |
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Anonymous29312
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Junior Member
Member Since Feb 2010
Posts: 20
14 |
#14
So is there actually a medical diagnosis for this constant picking, because I do it all the time and I thought it was just habbit rather actually somethink in the brain that could trigger it. I also constantly crack my knuckles as well as pick if that has anything to do with it.
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