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Elysium
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Trig Jan 22, 2010 at 01:14 AM
  #1
I can't stop!!!

I have severe PTSD/DID with OCD traits. (I may actually have OCD to a certain degree...just haven't been officially diagnosed)

So....ever since I was a kid I was either biting my nails, picking the skin on my feet, ripping off my toenails, and picking at scabs. A few years ago, I started cutting. I went nuts with this for a bit, but have been able to curtail it to where I can go months without slipping up. BUT....I pick like crazy now!! Since stopping the cutting, I dig and pick and pull and scrape.

Now my T is realizing just how big and issue it is for me...and she's cracking down. She wants to stop it because it's self harming. The more she says we are going to work towards decreasing the behavior....the more my anxiety grows.

I just can't stop!! I sit there telling myself not to pick that....but I don't listen. It's seriously like I can't listen...if I don't do it...then I refocus for a moment until I'm not paying attention anymore and next thing I know I'm picking without thinking.

I guess parts of me don't really want to stop. But at the same time....it feels automatic...like I can't control it. If I can't pick...and I can't cut, and I can't bite, and I can't eat, and I can't burn myself.....what the hell am I supposed to do with all that disgusting energy that makes me feel like I need to hurt myself or I'm gonna explode inside.

This doesn't feel like it can get better. And I'm scared it will and that it won't at the same time....

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Can't stop picking!!! (May Trigger)
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Default Jan 22, 2010 at 05:18 AM
  #2
You're not alone in this. I pick as well. I know it's hard to stop. In fact I have just started pulling the skin off my thumb again. I never thought I would, but that's life, I guess. Unpredictable.

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Default Jan 23, 2010 at 11:02 PM
  #3
*hides*
I have never told anyone this before, but I am a picker too.

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Default Jan 23, 2010 at 11:38 PM
  #4
Find alternative activities for your hands: apply fingernail polish to fingernails and toenails, rub lotion all over your body, paint a picture, brush your teeth, pet your cats, bathe your cats

When I am particularly stressed I have similar problems. I know what you mean about it being automatic. It's something that takes no thought and often I don't realize it until I see the effect.


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Default Jan 24, 2010 at 04:07 PM
  #5
After I was in therapy for quite awhile I quit worrying about symptoms and concentrated in trying to understand and work with underlying causes? I bit my fingernails until I was about 53 years old and then it gradually stopped. I finished therapy when I was 55. I imagine therapy and resolving issues had a lot to do with a lot of my behaviors/habits/symptoms as I don't consider myself as having very many I have to get rid of.

If it makes you anxious to think of picking, then work on something else that might impact the picking. You can do some substitution; I'd wear socks most of the time so I wouldn't pick my toenails/toes. My stepmother tried everything with my problems, both fingernail biting and toe/nail picking; made me wear gloves out to play (made me very popular with the neighborhood kids as you can imagine), once even tried to spray my hands black with spray-paint, getting it on my favorite blouse. She tried the bitter stuff you put on fingernails and ridiculed me, offering her own toenails for me to chew if I'd chewed my fingernails too far down or pulled off everything that could be pulled off my feet?

Give it a rest/ignore/"allow" it. Your mind and body are doing their best to deal with overwhelming anxiety. Be thankful! I use to have really bad dreams and hated that until I realized that having bad dreams at night meant I could "function" during the day. It's always a tradeoff, something has got to give and nothing is going to get fixed quickly.

Substituting is a good idea but just being gentle with yourself and then going after what is really making you anxious and conquering that worked better for me.

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Default Jan 24, 2010 at 04:38 PM
  #6
Can't stop picking!!! (May Trigger)
Comments - Graphics[/img]
I am a former picker/cutter. Hang in there! The ONLY way i can stop myself from picking is to get fake nails. You cant pick ANYTHING with those darn things on! Plus, if you have tools that you use, hide them on urself. You cant find them then, and therefore cant pick. LOL If i cant find my tools then i cant pick. Try these tips and you may be successful too. I recently pulled of my fake nails and started to pick instantly. Needless to say, im getting them back on again asap. I had gone another whole month without picking, and have not cut in about 13 years. Good luck

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Default Jan 27, 2010 at 10:07 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elysium View Post
I can't stop!!!

I have severe PTSD/DID with OCD traits. (I may actually have OCD to a certain degree...just haven't been officially diagnosed)

So....ever since I was a kid I was either biting my nails, picking the skin on my feet, ripping off my toenails, and picking at scabs. A few years ago, I started cutting. I went nuts with this for a bit, but have been able to curtail it to where I can go months without slipping up. BUT....I pick like crazy now!! Since stopping the cutting, I dig and pick and pull and scrape.

Now my T is realizing just how big and issue it is for me...and she's cracking down. She wants to stop it because it's self harming. The more she says we are going to work towards decreasing the behavior....the more my anxiety grows.

I just can't stop!! I sit there telling myself not to pick that....but I don't listen. It's seriously like I can't listen...if I don't do it...then I refocus for a moment until I'm not paying attention anymore and next thing I know I'm picking without thinking.

I guess parts of me don't really want to stop. But at the same time....it feels automatic...like I can't control it. If I can't pick...and I can't cut, and I can't bite, and I can't eat, and I can't burn myself.....what the hell am I supposed to do with all that disgusting energy that makes me feel like I need to hurt myself or I'm gonna explode inside.

This doesn't feel like it can get better. And I'm scared it will and that it won't at the same time....
I'm sorry.

I pick at my skin and scabs, and I pick my toe nails. I WISH so badly that I could stop.
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Default Jan 28, 2010 at 06:46 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by poisonivy81 View Post
The ONLY way i can stop myself from picking is to get fake nails. You cant pick ANYTHING with those darn things on!
Yeah, that doesn't necessarily work the best. I use to get my nails done, and I was still able to pick at things. What was the worst, was when there would be excess acrylic like on the sides, because I could sit there for hours picking at that.

Now I don't really bite my nails, just the skin around them. I also pull out my hair. Sometimes I do both at the same time.
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Default Jan 29, 2010 at 05:26 AM
  #9
a couple of links you might want to check out...

http://www.stoppickingonme.com/bb/
http://www.skinpick.com/dermatillomania-information

((((((((((( Elysium ))))))))))))

I'm a skin picker too...

/SW
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Default Feb 28, 2010 at 06:12 AM
  #10
Im a picker scratcher plucker chewer (6years ago it started when i was dealing with fear of parental emotional and physical abuse and control...and high levels of stress ) and although im back at it now... while i was hanging out with a mental health nurse friend and going to the beach each day one summer I stopped, and stopped for about 2months!!!! A MAJOR ACHIEVEMENT!!!
but cant figure out how it stopped? :s How Puzzling!
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Default Feb 28, 2010 at 06:13 AM
  #11
if im relaxed all i do is pluck... the rest can stop now when i chill out
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Default Mar 01, 2010 at 12:41 PM
  #12
I was actually coming to this forum to write your very post. I have been so anxious lately and one of the ways it manifests is in the dermatillomania (also 'air hunger'-feeling like I can't breathe). The Picking is out of control right now. I am actually in pain. I do it when I am trying to go to sleep or relax. I can go YEARS without doing this, now I can't stop. I am on Wellbutrin and it helped for a long, long time.
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Default Mar 10, 2010 at 01:38 PM
  #13
hi, i too pick at my skin, also happens while reading,watching tv,whatever. i too am aware in a vague sort of way. when i know i am picking im like ''stop!" and it is TOO HARD TO. if i do stop i end up somehow doing it shortly after stopping. I suffer from severe scars since starting this 14 years ago, and have sense of shame. what does help???

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Default Mar 22, 2010 at 03:59 PM
  #14
So is there actually a medical diagnosis for this constant picking, because I do it all the time and I thought it was just habbit rather actually somethink in the brain that could trigger it. I also constantly crack my knuckles as well as pick if that has anything to do with it.
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