feeling so much guilt

I feel tons of guilt because I treat my parents horribly and I am 36 and they are older and it is all my fault

i take my anger and frustration about my illness out on them as if they are to magically solve everything for me I guess

but I have become an abuser since being abused by my ex and I can't cope with my life

I feel tons and tons of guilt and feel that I will cause their death

I punish myself and don't allow myself to get better because how horribly I treat them

it's very very bad i am a horrible horrible person

i was extremely unbearably anxious and scared and was saying I will never get better and then he said how i don't take care of my children

then I got upset at him then he got angry

i have the most amazing parents and I ruined my relationship with them

my father was emotionally abusive to my mom but took care of her really well and she just took it silently but then he changed many years ago

he has always been a great father and good husband but my brother and I resent him and we should not

got in a huge huge fight with them and my father put a curse/hex on me saying that yes, i will never feel better and i will live the rest of my life suffering and die this way and he was hitting his chest and yelling screaming at me

he had cancer and survived and has lots of health and heart trouble and he survived and is fine but I made it worse

now he is leaving and talking about how he wants to go back to his home and die in peace

I can't cope with life it's too overwhelming