[krisakira]

Hey guys, my first post in the OCD forums. I'm kris, and I have developed a compulsion to self-gag. I have Tourette's Syndrome (facial and neck and other muscle tics, a couple simple vocal tics, and a few dystonic (the tic lasts longer than 1 motion)). I am on meds for it, but feel it is not working. Why am I talking about TS in the OCD category? Because it is commonly acknowledged that TS and OCD overlap. Someone with tourette's has a very high risk for OCD behaviors along with the tics. Well... I believe I am one of those people. One of the overlapping possible OCD behavior is that a few of my complex tics with my head and neck and face, I have to do it in a rhythmic pattern, kinda like playing a drum set. The tics will make little sounds in my head, and it'll create a rhythm with different sounds, much like drums and cymbals, hard to explain.

(this ones a long explanation, you don't have to read it, but its another behavior/compulsion/tic whatever that I have)
I also have this thing where if i am at the computer, I have this shaking thing I do with the mouse. I have Apple's new "magic mouse", that has a solid smooth top surface that can move just a tad left and right because it is a bit loosely attached to the rest of it. Well, my behavior i do is that I put my hand on the mouse and move the top surface back and forth, so fast it is like a vibration. This behavior has caused me some particular grief when I am using the computer, because sometimes I accidentally "right click" while doing it, and with the movement, can accidentally click on the first menu item that pops up, which , on internet browser, is the "back" option... so sometimes I will be on a website, and after the movement thing, it'll send me back to previous website. Or if the cursor is on the desktop, the movement can be so bad that I'll create a new folder by accident.... :\


Anyway, the real reason I am posting this is because recently I have developed a new behavior I feel I have a compulsion to do. Lately my throat tics have gotten so bad, that sometimes I try to relieve it by coughing, sometimes to the point that I heave. It has now manifested itself in a strong urge to gag myself. If i can't do it by coughing, I have to stick my finger down my throat to induce the gag reflex. I just HAVE to do it. I suppress it a lot, as much as I can, because it hurts some and also gives me nausea. I don't do it to throw up, or to the point that I am throwing up on accident. But I really think since this is so much more complex than a "tic" (from tourette's) that it is a compulsion. I obsess about the urge to gag until I do it. Then it is a short release, but then I have the urge and have to do it again. I can maybe suppress it for 10 minutes, but I just Gotta do it eventually. It is really giving me a lot of agitation and frustrating to suppress it, but I hate what it is doing to me.

UGH... Any advice or comments?

[krisakira]

Also, my first T I ever had, at age 17 told me that i had OCD with self-injury. She told me i obsessed about it, till i had a compulsion to cut. I'm not even sure that was entirely accurate, though because i had my reasons to do it, and overtime it became more of an addiction ... but i just wanted to throw that out there.