[MsBunny]

I'm pretty sure that I have this form of OCD that people call Homosexuality OCD. It's where you start to become really paranoid that you're homosexual even though there was no evidence of it in the first place. I started doubting myself in the summer when a girl I was fighting with ended up calling me a lesbian because of the way a dress (even though that's ridiculous because I like wearing skirts).

I don't know whether it's just paranoia or not but I think that my Mom suspects that I'm a lesbian. I don't know if it's me starting off the conversations (don't remember) but it feels like the topic of gay people have been coming up a lot recently. Today, we were talking about a bunch of stuff and then she said how "Everyone in this day and age is gay. Everyone." and so I asked her if because she said everyone was gay that that made her gay and she said that she wasn't. But I'm wondering if she also thinks I'm a lesbian and is trying to get me to come out or something. The people around me probably know more about myself than I do so if my mom thinks I'm gay than I probably am. I have been feeling like a lesbian even more the past few days but have had a few hours a day of peace where I live in my thoughts about men and am convinced that I'm straight. But why would we be having these conversations?!

My mom has seen me have a huge crush on a male celebrity before this and just about a month ago I showed her the Facebook of the guy I think is cute (*nothing too creepy, just his profile picture!) But since this type of OCD I got (or denial? Idk) I am a bit unsure if I really like the guys. I know for sure that they're attractive, though. But what if I'm just noticing them and it's not actually a crush? I'm worried about that. What if my mom notices that I'm not very enthusiastic about my crushes and suspects that I'm just using it to cover up that I'm gay? What if that's true but I've just been avoiding the possibility the entire time?

When I am having thoughts about being with a man (romantically and intimately) I enjoy them and I feel straight. But when I stop thinking about stuff like that I begin to think and think about my sexuality again. At least twice for long periods of time, I think about my sexuality everyday.

Do you think my Mom suspects I'm a lesbian or that I'm just too paranoid about everything?

[mindful_of_light]

I have OCD, and there was a time in the late 1990s when my then unknown sexual orientation was all I could think about some of the time. It was the uncertainty that got to me, I think, not my judgment of anyone else. Rest assured that there will be a time when you will know the answer. In the meantime take time out from the thinking by focusing on one of the five senses. Drink hot tea. Listen to the ocean or to loud music. Visit an art museum or the theater. Keep telling yourself that you and others love you, no matter the outcome. Hang in there! Someday soon you will know the answer.