[Lifeistrulyaride]

Lately my OCD had been bothersome. I mean.. I just need to get this off my chest because it is making me feel almost guilty..

Ever since this morning I've been picking my finger skin really bad..like on my thumb..near the side/bottom of the finger. There was a small tear in the skin..but over time..I ripped and tore it to make it larger..anyways.

The entire day I've been touching and picking it..and I haven't been able to stop. I was in my third class of the day..and I kept having the desire to take my nail and press it deep into the area that was already ripped off..the sore part. I don't know if this is weird..but the pain sensation actually feels really good..like when I bite my lip..that sensation. I tried to do this to my thumb very discretely. I kept using my nail to poke at it and pinch it under the desk or behind my hair..but then I had the desire to take my pen cap and poke it..not making anything bleed or be cut..but just like pressing it against the already sore and bothered skin.

My one guy friend who was sitting near me took a look at me and said I was disgusting and what the hell was I doing..and I honestly didn't know how to answer him..so I lied and said my hands were dry and needed lotion..but I don't think he's dumb..after that I felt really guilty..and really embarrassed...but I still couldn't stop..but all I could think about was him staring at my hand..my finger..and what I was doing..so I sat on my hands to try and stop myself..but even that felt good..to press the skin against the bottom of the chair..and occasionally I would press my nail on it but god it was the most uncomfortable feeling ever.

GOD..ok there's my vent of the day. I disgust myself sometimes.