[xXSeraphXx]

I'm a 16 y/o male. A couple days before Valentine's Day and our school's Valentine's Dance , a finally came out to a girl who I'd been good friends with for about 5 years. I was 15(softmore) and she(senior) 17. We hung out almost every weekend. She was really suprised when I admitted I'd been crushing on her. We eventually ended up dating. After about a month we said we loved each other. I guess things went pretty uphill from there. Then about a month later, Spring Break came around. I went down to Disney with my family and she stayed back home. We talked almost constantly. During that week, she told me she was madly in love with me and whatnot. I was pretty happy after that. The week dragged on, and I came home. We had planned to spend the day together, going down to a lake and just being together, listening to music, and dancing (etc...).
I texted her an hour before we were supposed to meet up, and she said she couldn't. I was pretty confused, and angry in fact. ( We had planned this for a week, she took off work that week, and was complaining there was not much to do.). She said that she had school stuff to finish, and that most of all we needed time apart...hadn't seen her for a week. I took it pretty badly and started talking to her best friend about it. I got the same answer from her.

About two weeks dragged on and during those two weeks, my great uncle died. I also lost four old friends from my hometown to a car accident. I was not in the best shape. And on top of all that, I found out quite a few things from people, and my better friends, that she had been saying about me. (I'm not going to repeat them). I was heartbroken and pretty ticked at this point (and somehow still in love with her). We had been talking every couple days throughout the week. I went off on her one night. We were trying to figure out went wrong, I think. She ended up saying that she just wanted to keep our friendship. I gave it a shot. Went to her house one day to hang out. After about 15min, without saying a word the entire time, I left. She ended up at my house and I broke down in her arms (yeah...guys cry too). She left without saying goodbye... About 3 days later (or something) she texted me one day late at night. (I'm severly depressed and heartbroken at this point). I eventually just lost it and, qoute, told her : 'If you don't leave me alone and stop talking to me, I'm comminting suicide.' Low and behold, she stopped texting me. Then, 10min later, she showed up at my door. Of course I cound't answer it at 10:30 at night, because my mom got there first. Blew off my mom saying I was just saying it to get her off my back (I'm not even sure about that one). I went to mulitiple therapy meetings via school. Since then, I haven't talked to her or her friend (she too bugged and I told her, profanly, to buzz off).

And now to the main point. 6 months or so later, after falling in love with another girl, and telling her so, my ex is still on my mind. And now, caught between a past love and a new one, I'm thourghouly confused and exasperated. I'm always up late, I can't sleep (I'm getting about 6 hours of sleep daily) and I'm always finding myself thinking about her. It's tearing me up and I have no idea what to do.

Also:
I can't bring myself to do anything we used to do
Music has changed (from pop/rock/hip hop to heavy metal/metalcore/heavy rock)

Any mention of her sends me ballistic.

A couple of my really good friends think I'm a little insane.

I also found out I have bipolar (via self assesments and my friends' assesments.)

[Miswimmy1]

Im sorry for all of your losses...

I don't know what to tell you. It doesn't sound like OCD to me... I think it may be part of the bipolarity. my sister is bipolar and there is a part of the brain that is affected which basically impairs the "stop your current way of thinking and try somethnig new" part of the brain. It sounds like this could be easily mixed up with OCD. I think the first thing to do is to search around for a real therapist... one that specializes in bipolarity, and other mental disorders (OCD, etc)... they can assist with medication and talk therapy as well as assist you in trying to deal with all of these emotions that you have about this one girl...