[thelizardking17]

Lately I've began to doubt my sanity.

I'm 17 years old. From age 3, I have had obsessions, but what I've been wondering lately is if I have also had compulsions. For example, when I was 11 I had an obsession with hamsters. The only thing I could think and talk about was hamsters, no matter how hard I tried to stop myself. I spend countless hours reading about them, developing an exercise routine for my hamster and a journal that contained my hamster's exercise times and activities. I also wrote a 91 page book on hamsters. And I pretended to be a veterinarian online and offered advice to people. It consumed me. But were those compulsions? Aren't compulsions one thing, if you know what I mean? I released the anxiety from the incessant, unwanted thoughts in various --although limited-- ways. I researched and I wrote about them and I constructed an exercise routine, etc.

Also, when I was 9, I had an obsession with lizards. I remember being in line and on the way to lunch, and I would just get out of line to catch a lizard. The teacher ended up hating me because I couldn't stop myself from catching lizards. I had no control over myself, and it even got to the point where I contracted a staph infection on my hand from how many lizards I caught.

I've had countless obsessions over the span of my lifetime, from particular foods to animals to creating thread after thread on CollegeConfidential asking my hypothetical chances of getting into the college of my choice.

And now, at the age of 17, I am obsessed with the last thing I thought I'd ever become obsessed with: Religion.
And NO, it's not a scrupulous obsession. In fact, it's the complete opposite and I don't know where it's coming from because I've never had a problem with religion itself. Here is my current problem:

My boyfriend has told me a million and one times about how he is NOT religious. This makes me happy, but I won't go into the reasons as to why it makes me happy. I keep asking him over and over the most absurd questions you could imagine, such as:

"When you used to go to Mass, did you ever repeat the things the priest said?"
and he said:
"No, I never did that."

Okay, that made me feel very uplifted and happy. Now onto the next question:

Me: "Did you ever say the prayers? Like the Our Father or Hail Mary?"
Him: "Well yeah, I would've looked really weird if I didn't do that."
Me: "Well did you ever say them in your head?"
Him: "Yes, but just go avoid saying them out loud. I kind of mixed it up."

Then I started feeling anxiety again, and more and more questions flooded my brain.

And today I've been stuck on whether or not he'd die for his beliefs. In October, he told me that he would have, BUTTTTTTTT he told me like 50 times that the only reason he said that was to respect me and make me happy because he THOUGHT that I was religious at the time. He told me that he found out THIS YEAR that I was not a religious person, so now he doesn't feel like he has to be careful about what he says in order to not offend me.

Now my mind KNOWS that he wouldn't die for his beliefs, as he has told me countless times. BUT it doesn't seem to process the fact permanently. The doubt as to whether or not he would keeps taking over my mind, which causes me a tremendous amount of anxiety and depression.

I cannot STOP asking him questions. I know he can't stand it anymore but still, I can't help myself. Now I went from being "fine" with religion to absolutely ABHORRING IT, and he has also.

Now, as for my question:

Do you think I have OCD? Should I consult a psychologist/psychiatrist? It's really embarrassing for me :/

EXTRA-INFO: My biological mother had OCD.

Thanks SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3,
Brooke

[Travelinglady]

We aren't able to actually diagnose here, but it sounds to me like you have some symptoms which could be OCD--and which would merit a trip to a doctor to see about it.

Definitely, whatever it is, I think your life and your relationships will be much better if you can get it treated.

[thelizardking17]

Thanks! Bump, please?!?